Tag Archives: MimboloveGrammys
Man, I’m getting old. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – these award shows on Sunday nights are killing me. I mean it takes a whole day to recover from just watching the show itself (which is minimum three hours, not including pre-show coverage on E! and of course, the two-hour countdown to the pre-show that I also insist on watching as well), and then days to construct a blog post (well it normally doesn’t take days, but I’ve been super distracted this week). Well despite my sleepiness, I couldn’t leave you guys hanging, so here we are: Lindsay’s Look’s official 2017 Grammy Awards fashion recap!
Let’s get one thing out on the table before we get started – obviously the story of the night that goes way beyond fashion (gasp I never knew it was possible) is the whole Adele vs. Beyonce (which I hate to even say, because I’m pretty convinced it’s not a competition between these two ladies themselves) saga that continues to dominate every website I frequent and even ones that I don’t (thank you for your ground-breaking commentary, Barstool Sports). I have my own feelings about the situation, but ultimately I just want to put it out there that I love both artists equally and having to pick who is more deserving of an award over the other feels like musical Sophie’s Choice. If you want to go more in-depth on the show as a whole, my friend Bowen and I actually did a podcast sharing our thoughts on the entire Grammy Awards telecast, which you can listen to here (or our 2016 year in review here and our Golden Globes recap as well).
I’m choosing to focus on style for this post, as I’ve always done on the blog following an award show. So here we go!
I’m going to start off by saying that I had very few overall “best dressed” picks for the evening. Was anyone else as disappointed as I was with the red carpet looks for this particular show? I know that overall the Grammys are a funkier crowd simply because musicians seem to be a little more out there in terms of fashion than the more “serious” acting crowd.
One of the biggest trends of the evening, which as it turns out were the gowns I like the most, were the ones featuring this “boob window” (which I had to learn that expression from a male friend – some fashionista over here). I always like the balance of exposing some parts while keeping others a bit covered up, and let’s face it – the Grammys aren’t particularly known for their modesty when it comes to red carpet style. I love love LOVED the color and sparkle of Carrie Underwood’s dress, but I wanted to rip those stupid sleeves right off her. I feel like if you’re going to do a statement sleeve (which maybe wasn’t necessary with the glitter and the slit and the exposed sternum), it has to be all or nothing – I would have preferred it to be regular or like, a full on ruffle, flamenco dancer style. The shape of this thing looks like something the angel on top of your Christmas tree should be wearing. When I saw Demi Lovato on the carpet, I honestly had to do a double take – from certain angles she could easily have been mistaken for a Kardashian. I actually really enjoyed her departure from last year’s look, which was quite mature for her and perhaps a bit harsh. Her makeup is gorgeous and the color of that dress looks amazing on her skin tone. The one thing I will say is I think the hair is just a smidge too long. I think a few inches off the bottom would have been a lot fresher and would have shown off her dress a bit more (also, the sparkly jumpsuit during her performance? Ah-mazing). Jennifer Lopez can’t help but put it all out there it seems, and with that body I mean, why the hell not? But is anyone else sick of the Jolie leg pose from her? I’m definitely getting there. Again, just a little more hair than I would like to see, especially when it’s almost conflicting with the giant tulle flower she’s got over her shoulder. I know some people didn’t love this look, but I thought it was sort of amazing. The color is divine on her skin tone and the giant appendage reminds me of a Carrie Bradshaw throwback. It’s everything I didn’t know I needed in a gown. One that I was surprised to see that I enjoyed was Faith Hill, as she’s definitely been towing the line of good taste over the last few years. I have always loved red on the red carpet and the fit is just perfection.
This group is another where I like the looks mostly, but then there’s something that just throws them off for me. I kind of surprised myself by liking Solange‘s number (a metallic version of what my mother would call “inside out caterpillar guts” green) because I think it actually really works for her. There’s approximately twelve people in the world that can pull off that color, and she is one of them. The only thing I’m not totally vibing on is that arm/back ruffle. I just think it’s too much with the color and the pleating. I feel like she is about to be eaten by a giant cupcake wrapper. I think as far as dresses go, Giuliana Rancic looks fine, but girl looks like she’s headed to her springtime bridal shower or something. I’m not saying you can’t rock a short dress at the Grammys, but this white lacy number seems too sweet for what is known as the most outlandish red carpet of the season. The look on Maren Morris’ face says everything I feel about this dress: pretty, but scared. Like be careful if a big gust of wind comes along and blows that crotch panel square up in your face! I mean that is a weird curtain, right? When she walked up on stage to accept her award, she kept picking it up and trying to move it to one side or another, and after realizing she couldn’t, she kind of just held it in front of her. I like the overall concept but I don’t think a real skirt would have hurt anyone here. And finally, Adele. Goddess of the evening, in a color that is apparently now referred to as “Adele green” because it just looks that good on her that none of us are allowed to wear it. Again, not an easy color to wear for most, but it just works for her. And I’m sorry, but has her hair and makeup ever looked better? (The answer is no in case you haven’t figured it out yet.) I’m not going to lie though, I don’t love the criss cross pattern on the bodice. It reminds me of those seatbelt purses that kind of had a moment in what, the early 2000s? I don’t think it’s flattering and like others at the Grammys that evening, it’s unnecessary. There’s like four different materials going on in this thing and all of them are going every which way. My poor eyes don’t know where they’re supposed to look.
It just goes to show you there is no such thing anymore as a little black dress. Chrissy Teigen looked super cool in this kind of gothic gown, although it sort of confuses me as to how she actually got into it. I’m not a super fan of the sort of wet hair style – in fact it actually kind of reminds me of the “before” look in her TRESemmé commercial. Lady Gaga… I mean, what is there to say, really. Would you believe me if I said I didn’t hate this on her? Like only Gaga could make this work. Let us remind ourselves, exactly a week ago she was being lowered in the the Super Bowl stadium wearing nothing but glittery panties and bedazzled football pads. At the Grammys she was performing a Metallica song… with Metallica. When you think about it that way, this outfit actually makes perfect sense. I have a soft spot for a girl that commits to a theme. On the opposite end we have Kristin Cavallari, who was on-hand to host the pre-pre show which basically consisted of the easiest celebrity parlor games I have ever seen (and trust me, I watched all two hours in its entirety), in what is possibly the most boring gown I have ever seen, in spite of the fact that it’s basically cut down to her navel. I was actually a little concerned seeing her. Maybe it’s just been a while, but I thought she looked very gaunt on television (so I can only imagine how she looks in real life). She’s also a victim of what I think is recent epidemic: over-contouring (which could also explain why her facial structure looks so different). There is a LOT of bronzer happening here. I’m going to call this the Kardashian effect and suggest that we start to tone it down a bit, ladies. To me, she’s looks like she’s in need of both sides of a Ponds wife and a Clarisonic Mia stat. The always lovely Laverne Cox was kind of feeling the rocker vibe too, and while I think she’s gorgeous and can wear everything, I’m partial to her glowing goddess look versus hardcore liner and a tight pony. But again, definitely on theme with the evening (and she got to meet Beyonce so she’s probably going to be wearing this outfit every day for the rest of her life).
I’m just not sure about this group. I don’t immediately hate everything that everyone is wearing, but there’s just something about all of these looks that just isn’t quite right. Katharine McPhee looks like she’s going to a company party or something. Like that is seriously one of the most boring Grammys outfits I have ever seen. I was pleasantly surprised to see Charlie XCX class it up a little bit – as much as I love her kind of crazy style, I was also shocked at how beautiful she is when she’s not wearing like, lingerie as clothing. I just wish the fabric of this dress didn’t so closely resemble a tablecloth (although this color does look gorg on her) and the draping in the front gives me the sads. With Paris Jackson I don’t quite know where to look. First of all, how odd that her dress and the top half of Katharine McPhee’s are so similar?! Secondly, these criss-cross rainbow panels hanging every which way make me worried about a potential wardrobe malfunction. I do LOVE that little geometric clutch though. And Lea Michele… I swear she showed up on the Grammy red carpet still wearing Hester’s back brace from season one of Scream Queens. I think the dress itself is very pretty, but between the crop top and the very thick collar (can you have both a halter and a turtleneck at the same time?), there is just something about this that is not working. Also she made that Wednesday Addams face the entire time on the red carpet. I can’t look at this picture for too long without having nightmares. And she’s another one I want to add to my too much bronzer/contouring club. I thought her cheeks looked like they were stained with actual dirt. Less is more, girl!
Sigh. Ladies, what do we have here? A hot mess (minus the hot), that’s what. I was shocked to see Elle King show up in something so overly girly, with a hideous matching flower crown and all. I mean, she’s normally so bad-ass. And this isn’t even like, a good girly dress, like Gwyneth’s Oscar gown of 1999, this is like a convenience store brand princess Halloween costume. Given that she was high for the entirety of the Grammy red carpet this kind of makes sense – at least there’s a reason for that dopey look on her face. Maybe that explains the dress choice too. I am actually kind of offended by Taraji P. Henson because usually she is so on point with her style, I just cannot believe she showed up at the Grammy Awards in this Bat Mitzvah dress. Seriously – this dress is made for a wealthy teenager that just got back from space camp. It is too short, too tight, and has more flair then a denim jacket on a member of the Brat Pack. Tori Kelly is literally drowning in what I can only imagine is twenty-five pounds of jungle green jersey knit ruffles. She’s gotta be, what – 5’2? She should only be wearing this dress barefoot on vacation in Cancun, not on the Grammy red carpet. And of course, Heidi Klum showed up wearing basically a shirt, which is sort of fine because her legs are so damn amazing, but then it’s also like hey girl – where are your pants?! Seriously, I’m bored with this sort of thing from her. It is the GRAMMY Awards! Nothing is shocking anymore! At this point wearing something that short just seems like she is trying really, really hard. And she doesn’t have to, she’s a GD Angel (both literally and figuratively).
And this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The worst of the worst of the 2017 Grammy Awards red carpet. It had to be someone… I just was really hoping it wasn’t Katy Perry. We’ve been waiting for so long for her to come back on the scene with some new music, and then the first time we see her she’s gunning for a role as the feather duster in the new Beauty and the Beast. Actually, you know what? I’m not hating on the feathers. I don’t mind a fun twist on an award show outfit. I do mind however, when it’s the same shade as a paper bag. Seriously, this is one of the worst colors to put on a human being. Everything about this dress fits incorrectly and it’s doing not one favor for Ms. Perry’s rockin’ bod. And I’m sorry, I know she’s a hair color chameleon but I hate the blonde hair on her. It’s just not how I see my Katy Kat. Celine Dion is a treasure of the world, but here she looks more like a present. A really hideous, cheesy Christmas present. C’mon, the only time a dress like this is acceptable is on the annual holiday Barbie. Plus Celine is all about the hair! I miss that big, voluminous mane of hers. I know Halsey is not like your everyday pop princess, so she’s not going to show up in anything expected or girly. However I do wish that she had just worn actual clothes. Wasn’t the pajama thing like coming and going three years ago? And hello, if you are going to wear a silk pj set on the Grammy Awards red carpet, do us all a favor and give them a quick steam first? And capping it off in what I can only describe as an audition to be the fourth Sanderson sister in a Hocus Pocus remake… Rihanna. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Remember her red Alaia number a few years ago? Gone. Gone are those days of glamour, replaced by an orange chest plate and a poofy ruffled skirt that even Scarlett O’Hara wouldn’t be caught dead in. This ensemble would drive me to drink too.
Another one down, and you know what that means… in just ONE WEEK the mother of all red carpets – the Oscars!
And remember, if waiting week for a blog post is too long for you, make sure to follow along in real time on the night of over on my Facebook page, Twitter, and depending on how much I decide to annoy my husband, Snapchat.
All photos via E! Online.
Have you recovered yet from the Grammys last night? Between sitting on the edge of my seat during the red carpet anticipating a potential Kanye/T Swift throwdown and the crushing blow of Adele not nailing every single note (but of course, still sounding ten thousand times better than every other artist that performed), combined with lack of sleep (an award show that goes until 11:30 PM on a Monday night? I can’t) and I’m definitely feeling something similar to a hangover today. Not to mention a total snoozefest of ensembles for what should be one of the most entertaining fashion evenings of the year. Everyone always talks about the Grammys as one of the few big award shows where it’s okay to go a little out there. Which somehow still resulted this year in… black. So much black. Seriously, people? That’s the best you can do? Oh, nevermind, there’s a slit up to your pelvic bone. How innovative!
Also, despite the fact that I started watching the preshow the second I got home from work (because again, it was a MONDAY and some of us can’t tune into your pre-pre-preshow at 4 PM, okay E?), when I went searching for arrival photos, I felt like there was a much smaller pool than usual of big-name stars to choose from. There’s also a lot of crazy people that no one has ever heard of but get an immediate bump in their Google searches from showing up in the craziest thing they can try to pass off as clothing (I hate to break it to you, but this is not a dress). When I was putting together my collages I was shocked at how few photos I actually came up with. And let’s be totally upfront: there was no one that I was so enamored by as to declare a “best dressed.” It’s a scary time we’re living in, people. Scary times.
So of everyone that made an appearance last night, this group is probably the ones that could be considered the most wearable (and colorful – praise Beyonce). Selena Gomez looked beautiful, but I couldn’t help but feel that this dress has been done time and time again, mainly by Sofia Vergara and the last ten years of Miss USA contestants. And I know Selena is hocking Pantene nowadays but I thought there was a bit too much hair happening in the back. Ariana Grande took what could have been a really elegant dress (in my favorite shade) and completely cheapened it with faux buttons on the corset (because…why?) and a really poorly-constructed cup situation. And that damn ponytail is back. Just when we thought she was starting to grow up a little… I think I really like Tori Kelly and this is a fantastic color on her, but I have to wonder – her stylist can see her, right? Why would this dress have not been altered? You could have chopped a foot off the bottom easily and it would probably propel her to best dressed, no problem. She’s like 5’4, and this dress is literally enveloping her (I also thought she should have won Best New Artist, but I guess it just wasn’t her night in more ways than one). I know a lot of people are declaring Taylor Swift to be the fiercest of them all, but I’m kind of on the fence about this. Don’t get me wrong, I love the color blocking (this being one of my favorite outfits ever) but I’m not crazy about the execution. It is a very small top relative to the skirt, which I think makes the red-orange color a little too jarring to look like it’s intentional. I think if you’re going to do it, the fabrics need to be identical or similar, and the skirt is so shiny in comparison. And I’m sorry, but I hate the giant granny underwear. I just don’t think the slit needs to be that high. Also I can’t think of anything less rock and roll than that haircut. I miss these days. I don’t really know much about Kacey Musgraves but I get the sense she’s not afraid of trying new looks, which I appreciate. Unfortunately, they’ve looked like this in the past. Which is why this year, I’m giving her the most improved award. She’s got a busy dress on, so keeping the hair simple was a welcome change for her, and I like the pop of color with her lipstick. I would have liked to see just one piece of jewelry. The decolletage area is just screaming for a (little) bling.
This is one group that is just giving me the sads all over. I like all of them, and I want to like their fashion choices… but alas, ’twas not meant to be. Carrie Underwood has done the Grammys so many times, I would have thought she had this one in the bag (remember the cape?!) She looks like the oldest and snootiest lady on the carpet. I just think this is way too formal for an event like this. Between the gown and the jewels and the hair, she looks like an extra in the party scene of The American President. Speaking of classy ladies, Adele phoned it in with a boring black number (with sleeves, ugh) that does nothing for her fantastic figure. Like, where is her waist? I know she has one! I will say, I was thoroughly digging the fresh and choppy ‘do. It was so nice not to see her with a perfectly coiffed bouffant. I don’t know what Anna Kendrick is wearing, but I’m utterly heartbroken about it because she is one of my absolute favorite people in Hollywood. She has such a fun personality – why is she stifling it into this late ’90s prom dress? Girl should just let Kate Spade dress her all the time.
I don’t usually count “white” as a color variety at award shows but given how little actual color there was this evening, I’ll take what I can get! I love what Chrissy Teigen is wearing here (even though it’s a little bit of a Kim Kardashian kopycat), in fact, I think her overall style is way better preggo than not. It doesn’t hurt that she’s just a genetically blessed human being and doesn’t take herself too seriously. This is probably the first time I’ve seen Ellie Goulding and thought that she looked glamorous. She’s kind of working the “this is actually just a really fancy nightgown” look, but then you see the back and there’s like this insane metal accent that brought a little edge to what could have been a very girly look. Plus her hair + makeup? Perfection. I actually don’t hate Kaley Cuoco‘s white jumpsuit, in fact, this is the type of outfit that works at the Grammys (and only at the Grammys). Plus if I had her abs I would work them into every outfit all the time. I think the messy hair is good for this as well. Sometimes she just looks like she hasn’t discovered dry shampoo yet. Florence Welch is basically wearing an adult version of nightgown that any ’90s girl in her Sailor Moon phase would have coveted. I’m not saying I like it, I’m just saying… it’s a break from all of the black, if nothing else.
I mean, I guess you can’t say that these dresses are boring. So if that’s what they’re going for, they’ve succeeded. I know that Bella Hadid is a fashion golden child (I prefer Gigi myself), but I just think she always looks angry/tired/hungry. And in this, she looks cold too. It’s just like an Elvira costume, minus about two yards of fabric. Ciara‘s dress just make me nervous. I have a fear that some prankster is going to reach over and undo that tiny strip of fabric that is holding this whole business together. I sometimes feel like these award shows are providing an acceptable forum for celebs to try and out-slit each other. Forget Angelina’s leg – we’re showing full-fledged pelvic bone up in here. Like where else is there to go? Can we just declare Ciara to be some sort of winner and bring the hemlines back down a smidge (like seriously, it’s just not that interesting anymore). Vanessa Lachey seems to have gone the negative fabric route horizontally instead of vertically, but to me, it really just looks like she accidentally pulled one of her “night out” tops from her closet instead of the dress she intended to reach for. First of all, I cannot believe she is even there. Sure, she is married to a singer, but when was the last time you found yourself hearing a Nick Lachey tune? (If it’s anywhere than on Muzak in a coffee shop somewhere, then I don’t even know you anymore).
Okay, so there’s boring black dresses and then there’s just BAD black dresses. I’m always really sad when newbies come to the Grammys and just bite it before they’ve even had a chance to really try. Elle King, you are one of those people. I just want to say I think she is a cool-ass chick, which is why I’m shocked that she went with this aging lounge singer number. The fringe details are horribly placed, culminating with a hem that is a full foot too long for her petite frame. And I know it’s her first time, but can we get Miss Jay up in here for a five minute posing lesson? I actually felt sorry for Meghan Trainor when she won Best New Artist that night because I could not believe that she looked like a forty-five year old woman the night she won her Grammy. Again, what is with these sassy ladies and their inability to showcase their personalities through their clothing? I liked her better when she had those stupid pieces of tulle tied to her head, at least she looked like she was having a good time. Between the dress and the blah hair color (I appreciate the fresh chop though, because those extensions were looking haggard before this) this is just one big bore with a capital B. Now Janelle Monáe actually does have a personality, unfortunately it is not the bellhop/matador/inmate that she seems to be representing here. I miss the suits! Where’s a good cumberbund when you need it? Finally, Tove Lo‘s dress didn’t surprise me since she pretty much looks like this… always, but it’s the Grammys, and this is underwear. Not even like, sexy underwear, but like under your full length funeral gown granny underwear, with a bad shoe.
Okay, I’m not quite sure what to do with these ladies, but they didn’t fit with any of the others so they go together (like rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong). The common denominator? Menswear-inspired suits. I know people LOVE Zendaya as like the poster girl for mixing it up and taking fashion risks, but I actually wish she had pushed the boundaries a little further with this. Sure, she’s rocking a mullet in 2016 (if that doesn’t scream “risk” than I don’t know what does), but she’s also got on a very high cut suit jacket with a button up shirt done practically all the way to her throat. I think she looks rather uncomfortable and restricted, and not particularly rock and/or roll. I like the idea of the suit, but this could have easily been done a little cuter. I don’t even feel like there’s anything to say about Lady Gaga. I mean, we get it. We know what you’re doing. Pod people in space know what you’re doing. I am just surprised that everything was so… literal. From the suit to the hair to the performance, it was just like DO YOU GET IT? I’M DAVID BOWIE!!! She gets a pass on this one, but then we’re going to have to send this one to the Haus of Gaga archives, ‘kay? And last but not least, Demi Lovato. Girl BLEW me away with her performance that night (no matter how dumb I thought a Lionel Richie tribute was… lest we forget, he’s still alive). This outfit is kind of everything Zendaya’s isn’t. It’s sexy and there’s lots of accessories, but I don’t know that I’m sold on it yet. It’s a really mature look for her, I might have almost preferred it to be like shorts or something? I swear I had a less slutty version of that skirt for my high school chorus concerts. When I looked at her, all I could think about was this. I also could have done without the extensions – I think her short choppy ‘do is so much cooler and edgier, which this ensemble could have used.
So what did you think overall? Did it seem like there weren’t that many outfits to critique? (Do you think that means they’re onto us?) Truthfully, I was a bit disappointed, but look on the bright side – this means the Oscars are less than two weeks away. Eeeeeeeeeeeee! That is me squealing, in digital form.
Photos: E Online
Another winter day, another award show. Don’t you just love this time of year? (Minus the ten feet of snow for New Englanders… and constant state of drizzle here on Nantucket.)
First of all, I have to come out and admit that I missed a majority of the red carpet. 2014’s slightly off award season schedule (due to the Olympics) really messed with my mental calendar this year, and I was committed to help out at a work even right in the middle of prime arrival time. Luckily, the internet exists and it is my friend, and at 7 P.M. I promptly booked it out of there and delved right into it, without hesitating to remove my coat. Eventually I put on my tuxedo t-shirt and settled into my usual spot on the couch, ready to judge like I’ve never judged before. After all, the Grammys are the slightly eccentric aunt of the entire award show season. Those musicians… you never know what sort of hijinks they’ll get into!
But seriously, you have permission to kook it up a little bit at this one (except for in 2013, when a strongly worded memo tried to dissuade stars like Jennifer Lopez leaving so little to the imagination – as you can imagine, that worked out swimmingly). So why did so many celebs show up this year in way-too-basic black sequins? One never knows. But don’t take my word for it – I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.
This is what I’m talking about. I started having PTSD-style flashbacks to my days in retail seeing all these goth frock cross the red carpet. Theoretically, they’re not so wrong. Take Jessie J, for example. It’s a pretty dress, and it looks great on her body, but to be honest, I’m kind of over this whole see-through dress/granny panty thing. We get it – you want everyone to know your sexy and classy, both at the same time. Nicki Minaj is suffering from a similar ailment, but in two obviously different ways (i.e., her boobs). I know this is kind of tame for her, but that’s what I think the problem is. This is not the Nicki we know and love (sometimes… at least, until she speaks). I know she’s been trying to class it up now that she’s an “actress,” but girl, this is the Grammys. This is your scene. Show ’em what to do! I feel like Nicole Kidman has been keeping it real mum lately, and then randomly surfaces and you’re like oh… she’s married to the guy with the bob. She looks fine, actually probably less robotic than usual, but nothing to really write home about. And oh, Beyonce. Where is our Queen? I take back everything I ever said about that white and black pant combo from two years ago – at least that gave us something to talk about! Why this boring, shapeless frock? Oh I’m sorry, your skirt is see-through? How edgy. Please, hold my calls while I alert the media to this fashion revelation. Even the House of Dereon has more intrigue than this. Finally, I know I’m supposed to automatically root for Meghan Trainor because of her Nantucket roots, but I was kind of glad we didn’t have to see Morticia’s prom gown up on stage any more than we did during her snoozy banter with the hot Jonas (“well Nick, it’s safe to say you made a lot of girls ‘Jealous’ this year…” kill me now). I do like her and her kooky style, and I just thought this dress was all wrong for her. First, there’s more of this sheer evening gown/underwear surprise, and second, the underwire cup of her bra looks is totally visible, kind of ruining the whole nude illusion thing. I’d rather see her rock some kitty cat sequins any day.
Oh, you thought those were the only stars attending a funeral that evening? Nope. There’s a whole other slew of depressing duds to sift through. Although if you’re going to go all black, you might as well look as good as Gwen Stefani in this cropped jumpsuit. I don’t even care if that top is pulling her boobs in two different directions, she looks so good. I do miss the red lip though. I feel like that could have really made the outfit. As for Miley Cyrus… well what is there even really to say. Props for being as covered as you are? Thank you for not wearing fourteen tiny Crazy Eyes buns across your head? I’m sorry, I just have a really hard time complimenting this girl on anything. I wish I knew why Ciara was so mad, but if I had to guess, I’m going to say it’s because her stylist insisted on covering up her insane calf muscles with eighteen pounds of tulle. Girl, you gotta speak up about these things. I do not by any means hate what Anna Kendrick has on, but for someone who is so fun and so spunky, I really feel like she could have done more with this safe (albeit slamming) black suit. She’s the spokesperson for Kate Spade, for Pete’s sake. Grab a whimsical clutch! A bold colored heel! Give us something, girl! Lastly, Miranda Lambert kind of let me down with this boring black frock. A hot pink strap does not an interesting dress make. Also that limp hair is killing me. You’re a country singer! Isn’t your personal mantra the bigger the hair, the closer to God?
It seems like with the past three or four award shows, there’s always a bevy of ladies working the white. I don’t blame them, especially these women – it’s heaven on their skin tone (where as I would look like I am basically invisible). I don’t quite understand what is happening with Ariana Grande‘s dress though… between the very restricting strap and the haphazard scrap of silver mesh, it looks like she was in the bottom half of a Project Runway “use everything you have” challenge. And after seeing her performance, I’m convinced she robbed a Sephora and spent her afternoon on Pinterest researching “Scotch tape winged eyeliner tutorials.” I was happy to see new It Girl Gina Rodriguez there, dazzling in white, and I especially appreciate the turquoise accent. Also, applause for a center slit that ends in an appropriate place (I’m looking at you, Kim). Chrissy Teigen looks fine and all, and I’m certainly glad that she washed her hair, but holy underboob. Is that even legal?! I’m a firm believer in the adage that if you’re going to show a major body part, cover everything else up, but my God (but seriously, how rocking is that clutch?). And finally, Jennifer Hudson. I have this theory that she still paying the price for that brown slip dress/cosmic space jacket combo that she wore the year she won her Oscar, and she has to be extra on her game like, all the time. But seriously, her body looks slamming, as usual. I think the choker is cool, but I would have preferred a longer necklace for the low neckline of the dress.
I love me some award show sparkle. However, not all of these ladies get my gold star. First, Rita Ora may as well be wearing a suit of armor – seriously, have you ever seen her more covered up? I do not feel that a turtleneck was a necessary addition to that dress. I appreciate the theory, just not the execution. Ugh and WHY was Paris Hilton even there? I forgot she existed and I swear she pops up at this particular award show every year and threatens to drop another “album.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I think she probably does the worst illusion paneling on a semi-consistent basis (you know, when they let her in places). But Katy Perry… you are my everything. Seriously, I loved this outfit on her. It defies everything we know as a species – gravity, science, hair color found in nature – but she does it so, so well. But since I can’t just let it be I have to say… I’m not crazy about that shoe. I’m sorry, I know, I have a problem. But points all around, Katy! Also how do we think my office would feel about lavender hair? Now there is such a thing as dripping in sparkles in a bad way, and that way is Kim Kardashian. First of all, I’m annoyed that she has a legitimate reason to be at this award show. I know everyone has said it all already: she’s wearing Liberace’s bathrobe, she could be Joan Collins double from Dynasty, yada yada yada. I think the thing that bothers me the most is the sheer size of everything. Yes, she’s curvy, but she’s also like 5’2. Why in the world would she need a shoulder embellishment that large and sleeves that long? And the pockets – everything is just heavy. I’m exhausted just looking at her, thinking about carrying that crap around all night. And don’t even get me started on the slit. I swear, we’ve seen her vagina so much lately that I’m surprised she’s even covered up this much at all. I’m kind of conflicted about Lady Gaga‘s look. I like seeing a non-crazy phase of her, but I feel like she’s still doing that to some degree. It’s no meat dress, but now it’s like she’s trying to play a 1940s sex pot, emphasis on trying… really really hard. It’s a little desperate, no? Also that pancake boob thing with those kind of dresses is pretty much one of my least favorite fashion faux pas, right behind visible panty lines. And the tan? Yikes. Even Snooki’s like “damn girl, tone it down.”
This is where I’m just like…wtf? Like what can I even say? I know Sia is an “artist” and she has this whole greater meaning behind everything she does, but then I guess… I just don’t understand art. And is the reason she’s going everywhere with Maddie from Dance Moms is because she needs her to guide her around and make sure she doesn’t walk off a stage or something with that wig covering her eyes? Because then all of this makes a lot more sense. I had such high hopes for Iggy Azalea, and she definitely delivered in the dress department – this gown reminded me of a sexy swimsuit or something – but what.the.hell. is sitting atop her head? She looks like an extra from Star Wars. Who knew they even made braided toupées? And well… they don’t call her Princess Riri for nothing I guess. I saw the dresses from this particular Giambattista Valli runway and thought that they were beautiful in a way, like a piece of art really but…not at all wearable for any normal person. Well, luckily Rihanna is not normal and is like, eff you guys – I’m going to wear that cupcake thing like a boss. And she did I guess, I mean, you could practically see the thing from space. So, mission accomplished, I guess? (But ahhhhh oh my God, do I hate that hair. Wispies are literally the bane of my existence.)
These three have got me feeling all sorts of feelings, and I can’t make sense of any of them. Dare I say… I like them a little bit? First of all, props to Jane Fonda – who knows why you’re even there, but God love you for getting back into the Spandex and reminding us why we should buy your VHS aerobics tapes the next time we find ourselves at the Goodwill. I know, this is kind of crazy, but I think that’s why I love it. She is a lady of a certain age; she couldn’t give any less F’s about any of this. But she looks so good, I’m like, “maybe I do need a gold fringe necklace that comes down to my pelvis.” Jane, I salute you. And Taylor Swift… I don’t know what’s happening, because there are so many elements of this that are against many of the things I feel about fashion. Between the high-low skirt, the straps that serve no purpose, the black opal paraiba earrings (like, seriously?) and the peacock ombre – there’s so many things about this dress that shouldn’t work, and then they do. Also I want those purple heels like, yesterday. As for Katharine McPhee, I am so conflicted about this number. It’s like there’s something about the silhouette of it that I love, but I’m also scared that she may have stolen part of Bane’s mask to construct it. I sort of like the color, and yet at the same time I feel like it’s a color that no one could wear. I do know one thing – that hair definitely leaves something to be desired. The wet look should be reserved for immediately exiting the swim-up bar at the pool and that is it.
Blech, this had to happen at some point. So some things were strange or boring or ill-fitting, and others were just downright heinous (I live for these moments. Why? Because no one’s going to try to pull this stuff at the freaking Oscars). I don’t really know who Kat Graham is, but she’s working my least favorite trend of the evening and only enhancing its awfulness by doing the appliqués in white. I think it’s supposed to be a flower, but it looks like it’s exploding and then crying all over her, which is exactly how I feel right now. I’m also not really sure who Jenny Lewis is, but I vaguely remember a music video with Anne Hathaway and Kristen Stewart also wearing white suits and playing her music, so if she’s friends with those two, I’m sure she’s a real blast to hang with. Also I’m not sure if she’s actually on the red carpet or if Shia LaBeouf’s having an acid trip and we can all see her too. I actually would have been fine with a white suit, but we’ve got to work on the hem of these pants, people. Poor Zendaya. Did you know that she’s eighteen?! Eighteen! Yes, she technically looks beautiful, but whose idea was it to age her by thirty years with that hair and the Mrs. Roper dress? Charli XCX is a mess, but for a whole slew of other reasons. Is she the new Ke$ha? Like was she out partying all night and woke up late and grabbed a guy’s suit and just ran out the door? I think I’m most offended by the hair (shudder). And finally… Madonna. What can we say about the Material Mom that hasn’t already been said? So many great looks are combing here: first a matador, with a splash of Moulin Rouge, finished off with some dominatrix boots. Oh, and in case you were wondering, it’s assless underneath. So there’s that. Listen, I get that she reinvents herself, and there’s a new look and persona every few years, but this is ridiculous. She has run out of people to be and now she’s just going backwards and ripping off herself. And lets just say that the 1994 Madge in the ‘Take a Bow” video wore it better.
Phew! I don’t know about you guys, but I’m spent. Who took your breath away, and who left you feeling dizzy? I cannot believe we are now less than two weeks away from the Oscars. Enjoy your bad white tuxedos while you can… it’s about to get real.
I have to admit, the Grammys aren’t one of my favorite award shows as far as style is concerned. It’s definitely the most relaxed of all the “big” awards, which means that a whole bunch of people show up dressed like assholes. The Grammys apparently thought they were one step ahead of everyone by sending out a serious “memo” about what celebs should and shouldn’t wear, which it’s clear that everyone promptly laughed at and threw away, or just didn’t read at all. I think the fact that they even felt that it was necessary to send out a list of such fashion constraints shows the level of class we’re talking about here. None of this shiz would ever go down with The Academy.
But I digress. We still need to talk about these hot musical messes.
After digging through all the photos, I was only able to pick out two stars that I felt were appropriately dressed/looked amazing/didn’t embarrass themselves:
I usually don’t care for Rihanna, because let’s face it- girl makes crazy stupid decisions, from her romantic life to her clothes to the sheer amount of naked photos she has on Instagram. I’m sorry, I know the world loves her, I get that every single one of her songs have hit number one, she’s so edgy, blah blah blah. It kills me every week how my beloved Fashion Police do nothing but sing her praises when it comes to style- whether she is wearing a trench coat and nothing else or if she’s rocking 90’s acid washed cutoffs. No thanks. But I was pleasantly surprised when she showed up on the carpet rocking this gorgeous flowing number because I couldn’t remember the last time I looked at her and thought she was classy. Of course, she couldn’t go for it all the way, and just had to have a completely sheer top. It’s safe to say I’ve seen enough of Rihanna’s nipples, and I think the rest of the world has too. Solange gets the majority of her coolness quotient by way of proximity. I mean she is Bey’s little sis and spent her Grammy evening in the front row, knocking back flutes of champagne with bro-in-law Jay-Z. Normally she’s dresses a little nutty for me, but I thought this emerald gown was so beautiful on her. I’m totally jealous of people that can rock the color of the year, because green is most certainly not, nor has ever been, my color. She quirked it up a bit with her choice of shoe color and her signature ‘fro, which I adore on her.
Taylor Swift’s dress would be okay if she hadn’t added that stupid silver t-strap in the front. It reminds my of those old metal back braces that kids with scoliosis had to wear back in the day (all I can think when I look at this is “Kristy Masters stuck magnets to your back…”). And I’m sorry, I cannot get behind the milkmaid braid, no matter how trendy it is. I know that I had specifically called out Adele for being amazing at everything except for dressing herself. She always wears something black and boring. Well now I wish that she had just thrown on another raven frock. I mean, how many of Mrs. Roper’s dresses had to die to make this number? I’m glad that she finally accented her waist instead of wearing something shapeless. The clashing print on the shoe is offending my eyeballs, though. Adele, please please PLEASE redeem yourself at the Oscars, I beg of you. I cannot believe Beyonce had the nerve to do this to us after showering us in amazingness at the Superbowl. I mean, what the eff. When I look at this, I feel anger inside. I mean, it’s music’s biggest night and you show up in yoga pants. FOR SHAME, Bey. For shame.
Does anyone else look at this dress on Jennifer Lopez and just think “desperate?” We get it, J.Lo- you’re sexy. You’ve got the young (possibly homosexual) boyfriend, the gorgeous bod, and a decent career despite a few crap rom coms. So why does she have to try so hard? This dress has all the sex appeal of a Hefty bag, minus the crazy leg slit (which we have seen before, no? It’s not like this is a groundbreaking moment in fashion here). I.am.so.bored. Also I’m going to need some more fullness from her topknot. It looks like a weird little growth on her head. It’s called a sock bun, Jenny. Own it. Hi, I’m Katy Perry, and these are my breasts. No really, how can you ever expect anyone to take you seriously (or look you in the eyes) when you’ve got these bazongas on display? I don’t knock her for having curves- I just feel like this dress is like a car accident. You know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t stop staring. Also there’s no hairstyle I despise more than a middle part with NOTHING HAPPENING at the bottom. Although maybe she just gave up because she knew nobody would be looking at her hair anyway. I was completely disappointed with this whole Easter Elvira look. I can’t say anything bad about Kelly Rowland except for I’m concerned for her. I mean even the smallest movement could have resulted in a wardrobe malfunction. I think her bangs are banging, not to mention her body is too. But damn girl, those are a lot of cutouts. I know you’ve spent many years backing up Beyonce, but it’s like she’s wearing a sign that says “LOOK AT ME!” with an arrow on it. And that arrow is pointing to her vagina.
Alicia Keys has certainly come a long way from those cornrows with all the beads, hasn’t she? I don’t really have anything specific to say about this one. I think she looks… fine. Except the top of her dress looks like it came from a handbag. I never quite know what to think of Carrie Underwood’s style. Obviously she’s gorgeous and has never had a bad hair day, but I think she just misses the mark sometimes. This dress looks like something a woman twice her age would wear. I think the necklace ages her too, which is crazy, because Jessica Alba wore a similar necklace to the Golden Globes and I was obsessed with it. It just didn’t work this time. I also think she has too much hair for this look. She could do without about half of those extensions and slightly less bangs in the front. Plus she was missing her best accessory- her hockey husband, Mike Fisher. Oh, Carly Rae Jepsen. What are you even doing here? I mean yes, theoretically, she was nominated and everything. But did anyone think that “Call Me Maybe” would last beyond summer twenty twelve? I feel like she was styled by the costumer from Dynasty or something. From the blue eyeshadow to the bangs to the too old for her gown (although it turns out she’s like twenty seven and not seventeen as I had once thought), there is just a heaviness to this look that doesn’t really work for her. I actually really like Janelle Monae’s look. I love that she has a signature thing- the fitted, feminine tuxedo- and it works for her. And I do appreciate when people try to evolve their personal style. But there had to be another way to do this other than to become a matador. I actually wouldn’t even mind the jacket on it’s own without the tails and the ridiculous hat. And I think a pointy spiky heel would have worked way better than this open-toed shoe.
Let me just say right now what everyone is thinking. What the hell is Ashanti doing at the Grammys this year? And why is she wearing a gown featuring a floral motif but also bat wings? I can’t describe this look as anything other than… stupid. Florence Welch is known for being out there when it comes to her personal style. Usually it’s some unflattering florals or a weird headband or something. Spiky scales are a whole new ball game. I don’t care what you say about her as an artist, she looks positively reptilian and it’s horrible. The color is great for her though. If you wonder how I feel about pants at award shows, please see Beyonce commentary above. Kaley Cuoco is one of the worst dressers out there today. She just never gets it right on the red carpet. This is the GRAMMYS- you’re not just hitting up a club. And my hands down worst of the entire evening is of course, Kimbra. I think the thing that makes it so awful is that it has elements that I like, but the execution sucks. If this has been an actual skirt instead of poorly placed tulle Kleenexes, it may have worked. And I have two words for you: curled bangs. Have you ever heard a more devastating statement?
So that’s it for “music’s biggest night” (which L.L. reaffirmed about seven thousand times). And all I can say is… bring on the Oscars.
See you then, kids!