I Know You’ll Catch Me Before My Feet Hit The Ground
I know I have fallen off the celebrity scandal train lately because there are more interesting things to talk about in my life, like oversized ship wheels that may try to kill me and the art of shoe cleaning. Okay it’s more like there hasn’t been anything crazy lately that has really inspired me. Britney is in a healthy relationship with an actual person instead of Starbucks. Glee has been on a month long hiatus due to baseball. The girl from Twilight that isn’t Kristen Stewart marrying a loser from American Idol is the biggest celebrity wedding I’ve heard about in weeks. Yawn, yawn, snooze.
But yesterday, something rocked the Twitterverse that could not go unnoticed. One of my former favorite celebrities and current hot mess Jessica Simpson tweeted this photo of herself:
At first glance, it may not seem like there is anything crazy disgusting about this photo other than the fact that it’s a picture of someone on a toilet. Until you find out that:
THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM!
Okay, so it was Bergdorf Goodman, where the restrooms are probably cleaner than the table that I eat off of and the decor costs more than my parents house. But still, ew.
I just have so many questions. First of all, why is she barefoot?! The caption accompanying this photo was “short girl problems,” but even if she took off her shoes to further illustrate her point, where are they? More importantly, how did she even take this photo of herself? Was someone else in there with her and she was like here, take my Blackberry and have at it?
There’s just so many questions that I don’t have answers to, and probably wouldn’t want to know anyway. More importantly, is she pregnant or not?!
If you’re the type of girl that will let the Internet see you pee, you should also be the type of girl that does a 6 page “Finally, A Baby for Jess!” US Weekly spread for a hefty “charitable donation.” Just sayin.