You might remember this thrilling post from last year in which I purged my makeup drawer that was housing more Jane lipsticks and broken Wet N Wild eyeshadows than any self respecting woman not living in 1999 should own. I have since then upgraded to a lucite contraption from The Container Store that sits atop my dresser. I figured this would be a good way to ensure that I stay organized since all of my products are now visible all the time. It’s just big enough for the essentials + a few fun things. If you wear a ton of makeup this is probably too small for you, but for me it’s perfect because it requires you to edit and only keep the things that you really use/haven’t expired yet.
Now that all my goods are on display, I’ve noticed there are definitely some key pieces in which I am lacking. Let me start off by saying I really don’t consider myself a “makeup girl.” I really only like lipsticks and nail polish, which I guess doesn’t really count because you don’t put nail polish on your face. Or maybe you do, and you’re one of those My Strange Addiction people- whatever, I’m not judging. But as much as I love buying clothes and shoes, makeup has always really taken a backseat in my eyes, mainly because unlike what’s hanging in my closet, it isn’t permanent. I do admit that it seams crazy to pay $26 for one tube of something that you are going to apply and then remove like twelve hours later. I could get two shirts and a stack of bangles for that at Forever 21.
Now that I’m getting older, I feel like I need to snap out of my existing makeup routine, many habits that have been with me since high school when I first started wearing makeup (barely). The biggest thing I’ve noticed that I am awful at is anything related to foundation or base or powder or whatever the thing is we’re supposed to be using now. I still don’t know what the hell BB cream is, and yet I want it. So at some point, I need to do an overhaul of my how I put on my face, as the ladies say. I’m going to wait on this one, as I can’t really justify dropping cash on multiple products (because you know there won’t be just one) that are probably going to be sort of expensive (duh).
So I decided for the moment to concentrate on one elusive item that has been bugging me for years: the perfect mascara. These are my main issues with every kind I’ve used in the past:
1. It never stays on. I am a pale Italian with undereye circles resembling a raccoon. And yes, I have tried sleeping more, drinking water, etc. I think this is just how my face looks. I’ve learned to deal with it (thanks to the insanely priced Christian Dior concealer I discovered on my last makeup crusade) but I certainly don’t need a million tiny black flakes taking the plunge onto my skin everyday. I feel like every mascara I’ve ever tried has shed on me like a shaky black dog. Yet…
2. …It is such a pain to take off. If there’s a way to do it without pulling out half your eyelashes, I sure as hell haven’t discovered it yet.
3. Speaking of losing eyelashes, mine are weird. Just like most body parts that we have two of, mine are totally uneven. I definitely have more on my left eye than my right. I’m probably the best candidate for those eyelash extensions, if they weren’t a million dollars and if I was Jennifer Lopez.
For years and years, the only mascara I ever used was Clinique. No particular kind, just whatever came in a free gift with purchase all inclusive pack. Which is probably not the way to find a quality mascara that works best for you.
Last year, fed up with the shedding factor, I posed the mascara question on Facebook. I mean, say what you want about it, but there’s no better way to gather copious amounts of solicited advice than our favorite social networking site. I got so many comments from all kinds of people, and everyone said something different. I finally decided to try L’oreal Voluminous Carbon Black Volume per the recommendation of my bff and stylist Ryan. He told me it was what Kim Kardashian used, so right away I was sold. Listen, I know the Kardashians suck at life and we shouldn’t indulge them, but you have to admit, that girl rocks a false lash like it’s nobody’s business.
So I tried it. And it looked amazing on. The brush is super thick and it just like covers every inch of your lashes with thick Bardot-esque goodness.
And then, within three hours it was all over me.
I’m serious- I have gone back to this tube repeatedly, not ready to give up on it just yet, and within hours I am reminded why I stopped using it. I started to think that maybe this was normal and all mascaras did this..? No. Unacceptable. It is 2013. We can put people in space but no one has invented a quality makeup product that doesn’t make you look like a used hooker by noon?
So now I am on a quest for the perfect mascara. Of course I will be reporting my results to you, so I’m basically like a makeup scientist conducting very important field research and therefore cannot be yelled at for spending money. However, it does seem outrageous to buy and try multiple products especially if you end up hating them, so I’ve come up with a plan of attack:
1. I am going to take advantage of any place that allows me to try stuff on (of course safely and with brand new applicators everytime. Gee-ross). I work at a mall, so I am going to go mascara-less and try things, and then give it a full day before I decide if I’m going to buy it. That way I can test for smudgeyness.
2. If I purchases drugstore makeup, I am going to buy it at CVS. Why? Because they let you return stuff if it doesn’t work out. Also they have Extra Bucks. I know Walmart is theoretically cheaper, but I don’t know if they have such an accepting return policy. Plus any less time I can spend in Walmart, the better off I am, really.
3. I will not be tricked into buying anything just because someone tells me it’s the most amazing product they’ve ever tried. While it’s a good resource, I’m not even reading reviews online. I already spend enough time reading things on the Internet and that’s like, for fun. This is about what works best for me, so I am the guinea pig in this scenario.
So please, join me on this magical mascara tour as we embark on the search for the perfect formula that lengthens, thickens, separates and lasts for hours on end. Is that really too much to ask? I think not.