Gleecap: The Lights That Stop Me Turn to Stone
Tonight started as so many episodes have in the past- with someone from the Glee club snooping on a rival singing group. And what a surprise- it’s another former reality show wonder that has suddenly arrived on the scene!
As Mr. Schuester was warning them about their impending competition, McKinley High’s power suddenly shut down. Instead of being scared, everyone seemed super jazzed to be hanging out at school in the dark. Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t there be a small amount of concern? I mean, just a mere two weeks ago we had an almost school shooting. Despite the circumstances, the ever inept Principal Figgins decided to keep everything as it were and continue the school day. Which of course, inspired Mr. Schu with a (decent) new theme- unplugged week!
Back in the Brooklyn loft, Kurt and Rachel had an intervention with Santana, who despite their judgey-ness, was not at all embarrassed that she was working it as a cage dancer in a lesbian bar and not trying to become a Broadway star. Get it, girl. She’s nineteen- who the hell cares? I was glad to see that this sudden attack didn’t affect her sassiness, and I absolutely loved the “Run, Joey Run” reference, a la season one.
Back in the lantern-filled choir room, the Gleeks were hard at work. And by hard at work, I mean Sam made a lot of uncomfortable references to his conception and stripper past before giving an acoustic performance of “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling.” Ryder joined in uninvited, but the blend of their boy band worthy voices and leftover Bieber haircuts kind of worked.
Artie was up next, but he’s a gangsta’ yo, and just couldn’t go on without his “synth.” Sam became frustrated by everyone’s dependency on technology and lectured them about disconnecting, which I found ironic given that practically every member the cast are diehard Twitter users in real life.
In NYC with SJP! Who even knew that Kurt was still pretending to work at Vogue.com? His boss Isabel continued to be as lovely as ever and oddly supportive of Kurt’s school related absence, but she was very excited to have him back just in time for a huge gala teeming with celebrities and swag bags. And because we have entered a realm so far out of reality that this was “work,” he was allowed to bring extra friends to help!
Back in Sue’s new life, she was back to her angry journal-writing and seemed to have actually found a perfect new job for herself as a personal trainer. There she could scream at people that were actually paying her for her guidance and it was finally appropriate for her to wear a track suit everyday. Somehow Blaine and his sweaty mop snuck in and tried to persuade Sue to return to the halls of McKinley and save the sorry Cheerios. Sue stuck to her guns and refused, claiming she was wear she was supposed to be, which I sort of agreed.
But why would she want to return to McKinley when THE POWER WAS STILL OUT?! It had been what, days?!
Ryder confessed that he really wanted to “reveal” himself, and for a second I was concerned. I mean, what is left? Between teen pregnancies, questioning sexuality and gender, learning disorders, eating disorders, depression, bullying, catfishing, being differently abled- we’ve pretty much run the gambit of issues here. He sang “Everybody Hurts” which I could have sworn had already been sung (upon further investigation, I discovered it was featured on an episode of The Glee Project on his season no less), but judging from his candlelit prayer cycle, everyone was totally into it.
All of the males in the Glee were inappropriately supportive when Ryder finally revealed that he had been molested as a preteen… by a girl. After all the things everyone in this group has been through, they couldn’t have at least feigned the tiniest bit of empathy? Oh well. I guess that’s the most realistic thing Glee has done in a while- have the boys act like complete and utter idiots, and not super-sensitive amazing boyfriends. Teen girls, that is real. Get used to it.
At Breadsticks, Kitty confessed to Ryder that not only had she broken up with Puck, but she had been through a similar situation as Ryder had when she was younger. And she admitted why she’s been a huge bitch this entire season, and as with most awful popular girls, she was clearly overcompensating for something.
Back at the auditorium, the Glee club was reveling in their technology-free lives with a Stomp-inspired rendition of “We Will Rock You.” It was kind of cool, but I just couldn’t get over that they haven’t had electricity at school for like, a week. Although we did get to see some of Jake’s awesome tap moves (?!?!?!).
On the field, Sue was hanging out in the bleachers stalking her former team. Which is weird, because since the school officials are still under the impression she fired a gun at school, you think there’d be some kind of security preventing her from coming within a certain distance. She then launched into a dream performance of “Little Girls” from Annie, which I thought was one of the most perfectly selected songs in Glee history. Especially since if you remember, Sue’s mother was played by Carol Burnett.
At the Vogue party, Rachel and Kurt scurried around as happy little helpers and Santana sulked in the corner. SJP told her that every little girl dreams of being a ballerina (um, not true, but thanks for stereotyping) and then they all sang “At the Ballet” from Chorus Line ON STAGE. I love that song. I love all the songs from that show. And I loved seeing all of them sing in super fancy evening wear. And how appropriate that Sarah Jessica was singing the verse about not being traditionally beautiful? The whole song was just perfection. Minus the fact that it was completely unreal and that they had to cut out some of the dialogue/changed it entirely. They wrapped it up with Carrie… I mean Izzy… telling them that they were young and had plenty of time to figure out what they want to do with their lives. But if it’s doing nothing and wearing designer gowns and singing on really big stages, well then I guess they have all made it and no additional growth is necessary.
|don’t get it twisted, high school seniors: this is not college.
Back in Lima, Roz had finally had enough of Becky’s behavior (is she really allowed to call her an adult baby? Like really?) and refused to be known as an “eye farter” which for some reason, made me laugh really really hard. In an act of God, the power came back on, but there was still a lesson to be learned. So don’t plug your expensive spotlights and pyrotechnics just yet.
In the library, Ryder was still entertaining the idea that his catfisher was the one for him, even after Kitty threw her emotionally broken self at him. Side note: I’m so glad that I have an ancient laptop in which the screen occasionally turns completely white and Ryder is using a super fancy Mac with a wireless keyboard to sext his imaginary girlfriend while he is at school. The universe is unfair.
Finally, all was right in the auditorium. And even though they voluntarily remained unplugged, New Directions still couldn’t resist having a few snazzy lighting cues. I just have to know- is there an accapella group in existence that hasn’t sang “For the Longest Time?” I think not.
We’re down to just a few more episodes… and shocker! Next week is another theme week. And it’s… Stevie Wonder? As much as I love me some “Superstition,” do we really have time for this? Nationals are only a few weeks away. Finn was MIA, and I don’t even remember if Brittany was shown on camera once. Is she on maternity leave already?! None of that matters though… because our girl Mercedes is back next week! And Mike Chang! Can I get a hallelujah?