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We Could Be Heroes Just for One Oscar Day

Posted on Mar 5, 2014Written by Lindsay Scouras

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Happy day after the Oscars, everyone! Like a kid on December 26, I’m slightly sad that it’s over but excited to play with my new toys, i.e., talk about dresses. So without further adieu, I bring you my 2014 Oscar Fashion Recap. 

l to r: jennifer garner/pink/kate hudson


Yes, I know, I’m picky, but these were literally my only three real favorites of the evening. There were a lot of other women that looked pretty, but these ones really knocked my socks off. First up, Jennifer Garner. I love a classic silhouette with an unexpected detail, and I thought she looked like on of the party guests right out of the Oscar-winning set of The Great Gatsby. I was sad not to see Pink on the red carpet, but I think she more than made up for her absence with this ruby red slipper-inspired gown during her performance of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Although I’m not going to lie, I was half expecting someone to come along and rip the skirt off her as she was lifted above the crowd by circus wires. An aaagggh Kate Hudson (that was a good aaagggh) has just been killing it over the past few years on the red carpet. I was a little afraid that the cape thing was going to be all over the place on Sunday, and luckily, it was kept to a minimum and used effectively, like this half-one that lightly draped over her back.

l to r: jennifer lawrence/lupita nyong’o

I think if every single other celebrity came down with swine flu (thanks for the throwback reference, Jared Leto) and didn’t show, we still wouldn’t care as long as these two made it to the red carpet. I feel like all anyone has talked about this awards season is these ladies, and for good reason. But for me, this was a case of too much hype, too soon. I haven’t exactly loved the things that Dior has put Jennifer Lawrence in this year, but unfortunately she seems to have signed a blood oath with them and is never allowed to wear anything else again, ever. I love the color of this dress, but when I saw it, I had total dejavu of the look that Michelle Williams sported at the 2012 Academy Awards, which was way more interesting. And I hate, hate, HATE this hair. I’m sorry, it’s not because it’s short, it’s the way it was styled on this particular evening. She looks like a 40 year old woman that just came from the gym. Which would be fine if she was that age, because hey- at least she’s working out, which is less than I can say for myself. But she’s 23, and she falls and eats food and stuff- she’s pretty much the closest thing the Academy has to edgy right now. And Lupita Nyong’o looks nothing less than ethereal with her flowing Cinderella gown. I just can’t decide if I think this is Lupita-worthy enough for the Oscars. The color is amazing, but I prefer to see her in the more structured dresses she’s been sporting all season instead of something so flowy on her super skinny frame. 

l to r: angelina jolie/ashley wagner/lady gaga/kristin chenoweth

I mean, I don’t think you can ever really go wrong with glitter at an award show (or in life, frankly). Scratch that, you can. But before we get to that, can someone just check to see if Hell has frozen over? Because Angelina Jolie can’t stop smiling. Maybe it’s because she knows how damn good she looks. We sure have come a long way from the black velvet leg dress to this. I’m proud of my doppleganger Ashley Wagner (my mom says we make the similar facial expressions) for leaving the figure skating costumes behind and rocking full on glamour in this gold sparkly number. If I was at the Oscars for the first time, this is how I would want to debut. Who needs a gold medal when you can wear head-to-toe gold glitter? A look I’m less in tune with is this lavender art deco dress that Lady Gaga is in. I actually think the dress is really pretty and it’s a great shape, but it looks so uncomfortable and ill-fitting in the chest area. That neck scarf has got to go too. In fact, the entire area from boobs up is what I have a problem with. With a dress that is so structured, I wish her face and hair were softer to compliment the architectural detail. I do sort of like Kristin Chenoweth‘s ensemble if only because of it reminds me of an Oscar statue. But I’m sorry, I will always have a problem with dresses in which the pattern does something that really accentuates your crotch area. Why has no one figured that out? We don’t need a billboard advertising what’s happening in that region.

l to r: camila alves/jada pinkett smith/penelope cruz

There was a lot of talk in the preshow about how pastels were going to be all over the carpet this year. Other than Lupita, these are the only others that I remember really seeing. Does three gowns a trend make? I’m a little sad for Camila Alves that she chose to wear this long sleeved gown when her husband so obviously was going to win Best Actor and she was going to be photographed 50 bajillion times. I hate that she has covered up her beautiful figure with a whole lot of extra fabric. She looks like a nun. And the matchy matchy purse + almost no jewelry? Not into it. Speaking of not into it, Jada Pinkett Smith somehow managed to take the girliest shade of bubblegum pink and turn it into something scary. Like is she wearing a bulletproof chest plate under there? A suit of armor, perhaps? Everything about her is chiseled. Good for the arms, not so much for the dress. I think Penelope Cruz is suffering from the same issue as Camila, where she’s obviously so beautiful and has this amazing figure, and the she covers it with this pink drape over half her body, concealing all the good stuff.

l to r: anna kendrick/charlize theron/anne hathaway/chrissy teigen

I may have stated once or twice before that given my bias towards the color black, I’m not a huge fan of it for a head to toe look at an awards show. But the thing about this crop is that I pretty much like them, but I’m conflicted on parts of the dresses that I wish just weren’t there. I am kind of obsessed with Anna Kendrick, as is my husband, but she’s so cool that I’m like, “yeah, go for it.” I like that this is not just a black dress, but I just cannot decide if I like that detail in the middle. And the leg? Let’s just let Angelina hold onto that one, shall we? Charlize Theron is basically flawless, and I would estimate that my approval rating for this one is at about 95% (we only use very scientific fashion algorithms here at Lindsay’s Look). I just cannot fully support the shape of those straps. I know they’re connected to a full strap that just happens to be totally invisible, but I don’t feel like those blunt points are all that chic. I guess I just frankly don’t understand the purpose of having said see through area. I mean, it reminds me of those clear bra straps that were like all the rage in 8th grade, when you were trying to pretend that you needed a bra, but didn’t want people to see it (although let’s be real, you totally did). I feel like this is the first time I’ve seen Anne Hathaway in years, and I’m not sure about this halter dress that she decided to grace our presence with. It looks like someone demolished the Dancing with the Stars mirror ball trophy and slapped it on her chest. Finally, Chrissy Teigen mixed it up with a floral print that the more I look at it, I am not so much a fan of. I love pocket dresses in real life, but not for the Oscars. When you pose like this the whole time it just looks like you lost both your hands in a series of unfortunate events. Also, is the high-low hemline thing still happening? 

l to r: karen o/emma watson/julia roberts/olivia wilde

Ugh, more black. Fine, let’s just get this over with. I’m knocking points off of Karen O. not because this dress is anything super fugly, but I loved her red performance dress so much that I wish she had worn it when she was actually standing upright (and with shoes on). I do love her little purse, although I liked it better when I thought it was like an kitchy theme clutch with an outline of a city skyline or something. Turns out, it’s just bejeweled. A lot of people were expected Emma Watson to totally bring it after she wore those damn pants to the Golden Globes (which I was clearly not a fan of) and I could not be more bored with the dress that she chose. Since when are separates okay for the Academy Awards? I swear I’ve seen that glitzy sleeveless sweater at the Limited. Julia Roberts looks… fine. No, I mean it. She actually looks really good for her lately. I love her hair this shade, and anything that isn’t a jumpsuit with an inseam that begins at her bellybutton is a win in my book. I mean she’s not going to win any best dressed awards or anything with a plain black lace dress, but she definitely gets my “most improved” award for this season. I know I’m going to probably lose some friendships over this, but other than the fact that Olivia Wilde is beautiful and pregnant (which the way news outlets talk about her, it seems that she is the first woman to ever achieve that), I think this look is one giant snoozefest. I mean, look at her! I don’t even think she likes it. Her personality is so fun and vibrant and this just gives me the sads. The only redeeming quality about it is that when she turned around, there was this cute little bow at the neck. Not that you could really see it, cause it was all black. Yawn.

l to r: calista flockhart/cristin milioti/naomi watts/portia de rossi

Do you think there was an email chain in which former cast members of Ally McBeal were like, “hey, you going to the Oscars?” “Uh, yeah, totally.” “Me too. Brilliant idea- let’s grab our grandmother’s tablecloths that have been in the attic for like 47 years and make dresses out of them.” “Totes magotes. Text me later.” Okay, fine, that may not have been the conversation exactly, but how else can you explain both Calista Flockhart and Portia de Rossi showing up like this? And I’m sorry, I am really not trying to be mean (it just happens sometimes) but does Calista all of a sudden look super old? I always thought she looked like a teenager next to Harrison Ford, now I think she’s starting to look like his twin sister. She’s 49, not 65. One fresh face you may not recognize is Cristin Milioti, as her only real claim to fame so far is that she’s the Mother on How I Met Your Mother. Oh, apparently she was also Leo’s first wife in Wolf of Wall Street, except when I saw her on the red carpet I got nervous that the Twilight series was coming back. Like, seriously, she looks like a vampire. That shade of lipstick flatters no one. I was so bummed to Naomi Watts in this shapeless white frock that looked like a beaded t-shirt dress, especially after she look so good last year. And I just will never get why people think it’s okay to wear their hair so purposely unstyled. Thanks for putting the effort in and simply flipping your part to the opposite side. And poor Portia, wearing that doily dress that reminds me of a less exciting version of the Spirograph drawings I used to do when I was a kid.

l to r: amy adams/idina menzel/sandra bullock/viola davis

Finally, some color! I mean I’m not saying it’s all good, but I’m human and need a shade besides white or black to focus on for a minute so my eyes remember how to process color. First, Amy Adams. I’m really disappointed, because I sort of wanted her to win (it was her 5th nomination after all) and also I wasn’t overly impressed with this look. The word that popped into my mind when I saw her was “severe.” The dress is so angular and the hair is super stiff, and she was just completely devoid of the softness that usually follows her wherever she goes. Speaking of severe, who effed with Idina Menzel? Like why does she look so angry? I mean, this was even before she had her name butchered on international television (although I’m not going to lie, Adele Dazeem is really starting to grow on me). This isn’t my favorite shade of green, and I guess it goes with her skin tone, but it just makes me think she’s having trouble leaving Elphaba behind. I like this navy dress on Sandra Bullock, but I have to wonder if we combined all the extra fabric that people were wearing this year, how many extra Academy Award dresses could have been created? And then there’s Viola Davis, who seems to understand what colors work for her skin tone, unfortunately fabric choice and fit leave something to be desired. I think the top of this gown is just so unflattering, and the shiny sateen reminds me of a cheap prom dress. 

l to r: kristen bell/kerry washington/jessica biel

… And the color is gone. This is where we start to get into the paper bag category, a shade I affectionately refer to as “faccata.” Kristen Bell is so cute, it just bums me out to see her in this off shade that totally washes her out. Also the bottom of her dress looks like it was created from thousands of crumpled tissues. I have always thought of Kerry Washington as a fashion maven, but I have not been loving her maternity style. I wish this dress was more purple and less of a dirty drain water hue. And I’m sorry, I don’t find anything stylish about this. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I would wrap myself in a sheet and pretend it was a gown, including the bobby pin that held it all together. I think she herself looks gorgeous and I love her hair, but unfortunately, it stops there. And I don’t know what it is about Jessica Biel, I have never particularly cared for her, her movies, or anything she wears. She just bores me. I’m confused why she was actually invited to the Oscars. When was the last time she was even in a successful film? (And no, Valentine’s Day most certainly does not count.)

l to r: bette midler/meryl streep/liza minelli

I appreciate a woman who isn’t afraid to age gracefully. Some of these ladies got it right, and the other is Liza Minnelli. I loved Bette Midler‘s dress, I thought it was just right and like her, it’s super vibrant. I wish she had kept this on for her performance as well, because that frock she changed into was bo-ring. I wasn’t overly impressed with Meryl Streep‘s drapey gown thing, but I thought it was sort of typical for her, and it wasn’t terrible, so I’m just kind of letting it go. I don’t think anything can compare to the gold glittery Lanvin that she won in a few years ago, so I think we just have to cut our losses here. And Liza Minnelli. Liza with a Z but without a bra. Doesn’t she just look like a really fancy Smurf? I sort of don’t even mind the streak in her hair, I mean it’s not like she’s your typical grandmother or anything. But I don’t even like when purses match outfits too much, let alone hair color. 

l to r: cate blanchett/sally hawkins

I know they play sisters in the movie, but did these two like call each other up and plan their outfits together too? I understand that Cate Blanchett is considered a style icon, but I wasn’t in love with this nude gown. Obviously it fits her amazingly, but I think the color really washes her out. Also, paillettes are probably my least favorite accent trimming that has ever existed. I think I’m alone here, but I’m just not a fan. If only Cate had introduced Sally Hawkins to her tailor, because there is nothing about this look that fits. From the bangs to the sleeves to the train, everything is just like four extra inches too many. She seems like a petite woman, right? Why is she is literally drowning under her own hair?

So that’s a wrap on 2014. Was anyone else overly exhausted when it was all over? I know I certainly was, which is why it took me two full days to organize my thoughts. Thank you for joining me on this ride, whether it was here on the blog, Facebook, Twitter, or right next to me on the couch (sorry, Steve). 

~L 

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal

All That Glitters Is Not Golden Globes

Posted on Jan 17, 2014Written by Lindsay Scouras

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Alright guys, this is it. We are officially in it. Awards season has truly begun. I’m not sure if any of you put my awards essentials to use, but I certainly enjoyed my evening right where I wanted to be: on my couch, in sweats (with the tuxedo t-shirt, of course) cozied up with a glass of pink wine with all my tech devices in reach (for easy access to the new Facebook page). It was another banner year filled with winners (J.Law, again), losers (E! and their “fun facts”), surprises (Brooklyn Nine Nine, anyone?) and WTF? moments (bless your poor drunk heart, Jacqueline Bisset). But of course, my favorite thing is always the fashion, or sometimes lack thereof. So let’s delve right into our Globes get ups.

l to r: jenna dewan-tatum, amy poehler, margot robbie

At every award show every year, I am always annoyed with the lack of color on the red carpet. This year, these were actually some of my favorites. I look at Jenna Dewan-Tatum in that gorgeous black and white gown that reminds me of a modern day Sabrina, and then I have to pick my jaw up off the floor when I realize she had a baby like six months ago (and wakes up to Magic Mike everyday, sometimes life just isn’t fair). Then there’s Amy Poehler, who automatically starts ten points above everyone else for being an awesome trifecta of super-funny host, SNL alum, with Massachusetts roots. Sometimes she really gets it wrong, so I was pleasantly surprised when she arrived in this sassy black number. It’s safe, and I don’t quite understand that off-center cutout, but I will give her the most approved award (although I sort of loved that she wore a tux last year with nothing underneath it. Unfortunately, she ruined it by wearing capris). And newcomer Margot Robbie– talk about making an entrance. This white sheath gown just lay across her body, smooth as silk in all the right places, accented with a green jeweled detail and coordinating shoes. For someone who is starring in such a ridiculous movie, she made the most perfectly demure yet sexy appearance, especially after Ryan Seacrest couldn’t remember that he had already met her. 

l to r: kate beckinsale, michelle dockery, julianna margulies

Again, I am like shocking myself with the lack of color in some of my best picks. I think think Kate Beckinsale and Michelle Dockery‘s dresses are my absolute two favorites of the night, but for completely different reasons. I’m convinced that Kate is no longer an actress, as I haven’t heard of her starring in anything since those fifty bajillion Underworld movies. I think she is now a professional presenter, because I feel like I only see her looking gorgeous at award shows. I think they just insert her into events in Hollywood to remind the other actresses to keep it together, because she is clearly unemployed and ready to jump in and take your spot in a hot second. Michelle looks so beautiful and classy, which seems easier for some reason when you’re British. She was looking a little goth-ish the last few years on the carpet, but I think here she looks so fresh and like she could just dance all night in a movie musical in that high-low dress. And last in one of my least favorite actresses Julianna Margulies. I know, I know, everyone loves The Good Wife, just like everyone loved E.R. I don’t know why, I’ve just never been a fan. Plus I think she’s had some real misses in the wardrobe category. But I love this black and gold brocade gown. It’s a little sexy but still age appropriate, plus those shoulders give it a kind of a strong woman warrior stance. 

l to right: helen mirren, taylor schilling, olivia wilde 

Christmas is over, but that didn’t stop a bevy of ladies from showing in varying forms of this holiday hue. Unfortunately for Helen Mirren, this shapeless dress hung on her usually bodacious frame, while Taylor Schilling seemed to have forgone undergarments all together. Have you seen her on Orange is the New Black? Girl is gorgeous even in a prison jumpsuit. So why did she choose this severe shade with the neckline of a 1970’s nightgown? Don’t even get me started on her makeup. Something just went wrong here, because she just doesn’t look like her usual fresh self. Now someone who put a lot of thought into the shape of things, my girl Reese Witherspoon. I like her because she looks like a normal person that just happens to be a movie star. A few years ago she got real skinny post-divorce and people were fawning over her (and her bangs), but I like her like this. I will support her to the end, but I just don’t know that I’m feeling this haircut. I mean it’s a bob… with bangs. Elle Woods made an entire speech in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde about the hideousness that can be a bob with bangs. It’s a little mom-ish for me, and yes, I get that she is in fact, a mom, but she’s also a movie star. Speaking of moms, Olivia Wilde brought her baby bump as a +1 to the red carpet, clad in this slithery deep green number. I thought the dress was beautiful, but I feel like I’ve seen it before. Remember Florence Welch at the Grammys last year? It’s almost identical, minus the reptile-like spikes. And I am so.over.that.hair. I thought the ombre thing had died like a year and a half ago. 

l to ri: emma roberts, leslie mann, sofia vergara

Remember when I said I was loving some of the dresses that were lacking in color this year? Well there was also a handful of forgettable all-black gowns as well. Don’t get me wrong, they’re perfectly nice, but nothing to write home about. Starting with Emma Roberts. Now I know she’s on American Horror Story, but I felt like she was channeling Elvira a bit in the body-hugging off the shoulder number, minus the curves. Between the dress and that slicked back hair, I just thought she looked… dull. Like I don’t have anything else to even say about it, I’m just so bored with what is happening in this photo. Leslie Mann looks okay, but I feel like the peplum gown was very 2013, and it’s a whole new year, honey. And it’s hard to tell, but is there like a weird concave thing happening in her boob area? Oh, Sofia Vergara. What is there even to say? I don’t really know what to do with her. When she wears a tight-fitting dress she looks like she’s competing in the Miss Universe pageant, and when she wears something full she looks out of place, like she’s trying to cover up her curves. Well, half of her curves, at least. I’m impressed with her teeny waist, but could the designer have hacked off a foot of fabric from the skirt and added a little more support for the girls? I’m nervous just looking at them. Luckily, they have those turquoise pebbles weighing them down that look like they came from an Orlando gift shop. 

l to r: uma thurman, cate blanchett, jessica chastain

Oh, so we’re not finished with the all-black thing? Okay. Uma Thurman, where you been? I’m not entirely sure why she was there. Did she even present? I don’t remember seeing her once on the live telecast. She looks more birdlike than ever in this turtleneck looking thing. I’m definitely not a fan. And I’m sorry, I must be the only person in the world that doesn’t think that Cate Blanchett is a fashion icon. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with her, she looks very nice and all, but I see it, I get it, and I’ve moved on. And Jessica Chastain. I cannot believe she had the nerve to show up again with that pushed back hair. What is that?! I’m sorry, that is not a style. That is how I used to look when my dad picked up at swimming lessons and I would stick my head out the window to dry my hair. I was so preoccupied with her coif I barely took a second look at her gown, but guess what? It’s a black dress. What else is there to say?

l to r: emma thompson, hayden panettiere, melissa mccarthy

Well at least these ladies tried with a little bit of detailing to offset the rest of the Addams Family. Unfortunately, it didn’t help all that much. I’m not sure what Emma Thompson was going for with this two-toned dress, but I am never a fan of looks where the top and bottom look like they were taken from two completely different outfits. Hayden Panettiere is working the colorblocking trend, but I’m not sure this particular pattern is the most flattering way to do it. And unless she just came from the beach, there is nothing acceptable about that hair for an award show (and even then, still…no). I want to like Melissa McCarthy‘s dress, I really do. I mean, it’s an improvement from that green Shrek looking number from a few years ago, but it has about as much style as a metallic-trimmed bathrobe. 

l to r: drew barrymore, sarah hyland, maria menounos, aubrey plaza

I mean, does this not feel like a breath of fresh air after the funeral attire we just escaped? Don’t get me wrong, some if it is God awful- I’m just happy I can see color again. Apparently, Drew Barrymore is celebrating Valentine’s Day a little early this year. Ironically, this dress totally coincides with her upcoming photography book launch featuring… pictures that she has taken over the past twenty years of things that look like hearts. I get that she is a mother now, but it seems like she is letting her daughter pick her clothes and her projects. Modern Family’s eldest child Sarah Hyland has done a complete 180 from the sexier looks she’s been sporting over the past year. Unfortunately I think she went to far in the opposite direction with that damn milkmaid braid, accented by an unnaturally strong eyebrow. I’m all for working what your momma gave ya, but it’s not like she’s Jennifer Connelly. Like, where did those things come from all of a sudden? I think the color of Maria Menounos‘ gown is terrific on her, but I still don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s flattering to showcase that pancake boob that you get when your dress pushes down too hard in the chest area. Plus, a ponytail? I’m sorry, did you stop on over to host the red carpet on your way back from the gym? And Aubrey Plaza. I was not expecting the black widow of Parks & Rec to show up in this bubble gum number. I feel like I almost like it, or I want to like it, but I can’t help but feel that it’s two different 90s bridesmaid dresses sewn together. I think the colors are great for her and she should keep heading in this direction, especially with a fun patterned shoe. Those will take you everywhere. 

l to r: kerry washington, robin wright, naomi watts, kate mara

Turns out, it doesn’t have to be black to be boring. Once again, there was a slew of looks in my least favorite color, otherwise known as “fakakta.” Some of them are shiny, but there’s still that paper bag hue disguised underneath. All people were talking about before the show was what would Kerry Washington wear? Everyone had very high hopes, given her history of being a fashionista, not to mention, her first public experience with a baby bump. When I saw her in this, I was overwhelmingly underwhelmed. It’s just so simple. And what purpose does the ruffle serve? I hate to say these words in the presence of designer gowns, but it was very David’s Bridal to me. Robin Wright has been looking pretty smoking lately. She’s sporting that pixie cut better than girls have her age, and she’s like Madonna-jacked, minus the scary arms. For having such an amazing body (and a boyfriend like 15 years her junior), I was not excited about this dress on her, and once I saw her boob tape during her acceptance speech, I realized it’s not that functional, either. Naomi Watts blew me away at the Oscars last year, and then she shows up in this thing that has cutouts (one of my least favorite trends) yet gives her no shape. I don’t know why Kate Mara needed to go this far in the other direction with her hair- she had the most beautiful shade of red before. Also it’s a little past the point of “undone” that now it just looks messy. Between her skin, hair and dress, everything is just blending in. Until I saw this picture, I didn’t even know she was there. And now that I’m done talking about her, I forgot about her already. 

l to r: allison williams, lena dunham, zosia marmet, jemima kirke

Oh, the Girls. The voices of our generation. Hopefully they’re not the fashion icons of our generation, because if that’s the case, we got a problem. The normally gorgeous Allison Williams is looking a little zombie-esque in this black and white gown topped with… fur? And extra straps? Like, what is that? It’s like she’s in a zebra print straight jacket. She looks so scary and thin I just want to throw sandwiches at her. And then there’s Lena Dunham, who no matter what will never have people not talking about what her body looks like in or out of clothes (mostly out). I could care less about her body, I actually think this dress is a good color on her, but I find the top to be very ill-fitting. When I was a teenager, a guy once told me that girls shouldn’t wear tube tops (which I happened to be wearing at the time) because no matter how thin you are, it gives you armpit fat. Confidence = crushed. And now I have a fear of strapless. I’m not saying anything about her body, but I think that because the cups of the dress are too small in the bust area, it is causing things to runneth over more than they normally should. What I mainly cannot get past is that hair. I mean, did she sleep on it wrong and just threw a clip on the front? That is not a hairstyle. I think he hair looks good now that it’s growing out, and I saw a picture of her recently with a really fierce flat iron job. Find that person who did that to you and ask them to move into your house, pronto. I sort of like the dress that Zosia Marmet has on- of all of them, I think it looks the best (although it’s a tad long. I mean, what’s a hem, $9?). And I am loving this new bob on her. But why does she always look so irritated? She’s the wackiest character on that show, and here she just looks like she smelled a bad smell. As for Jemima Kirke, well, I just have no words. I’m convinced that she’s not even a real person and that Jessa is her true identity. They seem to share the same clothes. I’m pretty sure I wore a cuter version of this same dress to my fifth grade handbell concert. 


l to r: lupita nyong’o, giuliana rancic, julia louis-dreyfus

I pretty much always love red on the red carpet. I just think it’s just a bold and beautiful color, and it really makes a statement. However, I don’t know if I can stand behind all of these statements. Lupita Nyong’o, you may have not gotten a Golden Globe on Sunday, but if they gave out an award for most gorgeous skin, you win by a landslide. I heard someone describe her as “a cosmetic contract just waiting to happen.” And that color is divine on her. But I stand by my opinion of Gwyneth at the Oscars that year- I don’t get the cape. I understand it’s high fashion. I get that it’s couture. But it looks like a damn set of wings. When I saw her on the pre-show, I wanted to reach in and rip those things right off her. I wanted to see the silhouette of the dress, and I was disappointed that it was shrouded in these wing-like flaps. I love my girl Giuliana Rancic, but she kept saying over and over again that she doesn’t wear “princess” dresses like this, and I’m thinking there’s a reason for that. It seems a bit too large and overwhelming for her small frame. Props on the mirrored bag though. And Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ body looks banging, but I never thought I could be so unexcited about a dress this vibrant a color. It’s just… nothing. There’s no special detailing, very minimal jewelry, and again, the ponytail. I know her personality is more than this dress, but it was a total snooze-fest for me. 


l to r: amy adams, taylor swift, edie falco

I think Amy Adams looks really great in this color. Well, one of the colors. I don’t think the two-tone works at all. An I’m all about embracing your flat chested-ness, but even I’m slightly offended by the amount of clavicle she is sporting her, accented by an oddly long necklace. Did you see the posters for American Hustle? I feel like she had boobs- where did they go? The thing I’m probably the least okay with is that hairdo. I haven’t seen that style since 8th grade graduation, when “twisties and un updo” was all the rage. She has the most beautifully thick red hair. I have no idea why she let someone do this to her, but I pray she breaks free in time for the Oscars. I am shocked that Taylor Swift showed up this year, considering her archenemies Tina Fey was hosting again. At least she upped her game in the wardrobe department compared to last year. I didn’t mind this little sweetheart dress, although I feel that at age 22, Taylor still looks sometimes like she’s going to the prom, although I’m sure she was going for more of a Gentlemen Prefer Blondes thing. And Edie Falco. Why wear a red satin trash bag? That dress couldn’t have less shape if it tried, which is so frustrating because I’m sure her body is much better under there than it is appearing. Can we all just agree to put a cease-and-desist on large red neck bows to avoid copying Nicole Kidman circa 2007? Thanks. 

l to r: paula patton, rashida jones, kaley cuoco, zooey deschanel
This is where it really starts to go downhill. Paula Patton is probably one of the most gorgeous women in the world. I mean, Robin Thicke admitted that “Blurred Lines” is about her. I’m not saying you have to be super sexy all the time, but how about you not cover up half of your amazing body with an oversized flacid ruffle? It reminds me of all the extra skin those people on the those crazy medical shows on TLC where they have 700 pound tumors removed. Shudder. Rashida Jones seems to have stumbled onto the red carpet on her way to Palm Beach. How else can you explain this palm tree nightmare? I swear, we used to have an identical shower curtain when my mom was trying to do a beach theme in our bathroom. Girl, it’s January. Get it together. And Kaley Cuoco. I have written previously about my hatred for her award show attire and this dress is no exception. Do you think she was envisioning her look and was like, “you know what color I love? Dirty dishwater.” That’s all I can think of. And I have always hated those outlined boob cups. Even with her “adorkable” style, Zooey Deschanel just looks like an idiot in this dress, and no, I don’t care that it’s Oscar de la Renta. I think more than anything, this outfit actually infuriates me, because I feel like that skirt is actually cute and wants more than anything to get away from that damn crop top. It just could not be more unflattering.

l to r: jennifer lawrence, heidi klum, julia roberts, sandra bullock
Jennifer Lawrence, I get that you are having moment right now. You’re young, you’ve already won an Oscar and are in a super successful trilogy and you have a bajillion dollars and everyone want to be your best friend. I’m going to be honest that I am still not loving that haircut (she had such thick beautiful hair- remember when she was nominated for Winter’s Bone?), and I don’t care if Dior is choosing every piece of clothing for you down to your underwear, this dress is not cute. I think I speak for every girl when I say we have all worn a reincarnation of that dress for play time and/or a Halloween costume. There is nothing about this that says “elegance” or “quality,” other than the fact that it probably costs more than my car. As for Heidi Klum, I can’t remember the last time she wore something that wasn’t hideous. She looks like Stevie Nicks if she were going to a garden party. I don’t know what Julia Roberts is doing, but I feel like she should be asking “chicken or beef?” at a wedding reception. I’m super bummed because I like that her hair is pulled back and I kind of love her makeup. This white shirt under the strapless dress screams “I AM TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING” which seem like the opposite affect of what you’re going for when you try to cover your entire body. Sandra Bullock is one of those that deceived me, because at first I thought from the top up that she was totally cute (minus again, that concave chest thing) and then I saw this Crayola colorblocked satin tent. She’s like 49 with a bangin’ bod. Don’t get me started on that messy ponytail. 

l to r: emma watson, tina fey, julie bowen, zoe saldana

I did not have Emma Watson on my worst dressed list until a full twenty four hours after the show. Why? Because I feel like I was tricked. I was played. There I was, the whole night thinking she looked so beautiful, predicting her to be at the top of every best dressed list, including my own. It wasn’t until I was clicking through the full arrivals gallery when I saw the back of this atrocity. I know you can’t see it in this photo, so let me describe it to you. It’s basically a backwards bathrobe tied together over pants. Black pants. High-waisted black pants. I just… I don’t… I mean… I can’t. And Tina Fey. Talk about fashion relapse. She looked so amazing last year, and when I saw her in this Carolina Herrera floral (?) gown on the red carpet, I literally winced. Thankfully, she changed by the time she took to the stage for hosting duty. I really do not have any words for Julie Bowen. Actually, I do but they’re not my words, so I have to give credit where credit is due. Thank you to Heather, who pointed out on Facebook that she looks like one of the Red Hat Society ladies. Also I missed the moment where colored velvet is in again. And last but not least, Zoe Saldana I think takes my own personal worst dressed title for the evening. This dress is too much dress, yet half a dress at the same time. Apparently she thought more is more, and much more is like totally more, so there should just be MORE. Each of these elements aren’t even that cute on their own, and shoved together it just looks like a fashion school project gone wrong.


So what are you thoughts? Who were your favorites of the evening? Did you actually like that stupid sheet dress that J.Law wore? If so, get out. JK, this is America. But I really do love talking shop when it comes to award shows, even if I find your opinion to be horribly and terribly wrong. I’d love to hear your bests and worsts!

~L

all photos courtesy of yahoo!

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal

Going for the Gold

Posted on Jan 12, 2014Written by Lindsay Scouras

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It’s the most…wonderful time… of the year!

Yes, it may be January (and 50 degrees if you’re on Nantucket), but my favorite event is finally here.


It’s Awards Season, baby!

In case you’re new around here, you should know that this is literally my favorite everything. I wake the morning of the show as excited as a child on Christmas. I prep myself as if I am attending the actual ceremony, complete with red carpet-worthy nails, just in case the mani-cam happens to show up at my apartment. I run a slightly illegal award ballot competition at work (some say gambling ring, whatevs), and best of all, I park myself in front of my television as early at E! will have me and prepare my technological devices. This year I have the iPad mini to add to the pack, so I will be extra on it. 


Although the Emmys were in September (and no, I don’t want to talk about it) and the People’s Choice Awards just happened on Wednesday, this is the big time. Starting tomorrow with the Golden Globes all the way through March 2 when we end with the Academy Awards, we are in it. It’s all happening. And it is glorious!

Surely someone as invested as I am must throw some fabulous awards show soiree, one would think. However if you have ever experienced an awards show with me, you know that I am something of a hermit when it comes to the actual event. That’s right- I like to be totally alone. Unfortunately, I usually end up with the peanut gallery snickering in the corner, but for the most part, he’s quiet. I like to totally focus on the show and everything about it- I don’t want to miss a moment. Me and the internet spend like eight hours together breaking down every moment of it. Personally, I’d rather “watch” it with my friends via Facebook & Twitter than feel the need to entertain people in person while trying to concentrate on the show.

Is that weird? Maybe. Bitchy and antisocial? According to Steve, yes. But I don’t tell him how to watch hockey, so he has to give me this. These awards come once a year! Sports are like three times a week for months. #overit

Regardless of my preferred isolation, I have been gathering ideas over the years in case I was to ever host some sort of fabulous fete. I also have certain essentials that I help me to truly enjoy the awards watching experience. Here are a few things I have decided that no true Hollywood trophy junkie should be without:


phone/cookie/hot dogs/placecard holder/napkin/nails/album/pants/shoes/ballot/book/bingo/champagne

The first step for any show is to be prepared. If you’re not familiar with anything nominated, you’re not going to care one way or the other who wins. You gotta have someone to root for! There’s many ways you can do this, for example, the Grammys release an album containing songs of a lot of the major nominees (it’s out January 21). Movies are a little harder, because you have to make an effort to go out and actually see them. 


Grab a ballot and check off as you go- my favorites are from POPSUGAR, because you can usually fill out the online edition for to be entered for a prize, or you can use the printable ones to run your office pool like I do (way better than those Final Four brackets, if you ask me). I recently received a coffee table book that weighs more than I do that features the entire history of the Oscars, as well as detailed descriptions of the nominees and winners from every show in its eighty-five years.

If you are going to entertain, jazz it up a bit! This is literally the most important time in the entertainment industry. Take a cue from the glitz of Hollywood and add a little glam to the table. These glitter cork place card holders sparkle like the bright lights of Tinseltown, and atop this envelope-style folded napkin, you’ve got a table that rivals that of the Governor’s Ball. Of course, you can always go casual with an all-American favorite like hot dogs, dressed up with a napkin tuxedo! I may start doing this with my franks just for fun. 

As for beverages, of course you need to pop some bubbly just like the stars (especially at the Golden Globes, which is one of my favorites because they drink during the show). I prefer the mini-champagne bottles if for nothing else that they’re so darn cute. Everyone gets their own bottle (don’t forget a festive straw!) and there are even some that you can customize the labels if you’re super together and remember to do that. As the show starts to die down (you know, once they get to categories like editing) break out these statuette sugar cookies. I found this recipe on the internet last year, and spent a solid month trying to find an Oscar-shaped cookie cutter to no avail. I ended up making my own, but I had to improvise with a Halloween cutter shaped like a monster’s foot that Steve had to bend into the proper shape for me: 


Whether you’re toasting yourself or at a viewing party with others, you want to look like you’re ready for a party. Just because I stay in doesn’t mean I don’t put on my award show best. Two years ago, I rocked a tuxedo t-shirt so I could be formal yet comfy:


If I was going to go real crazy and money was no object, I would be all over these J.Crew sequined sweatpants for the evening. Unfortunately they’re sold out. And $650. One accessory I do like to sport each year that’s a little more accessible is a red-carpet manicure. Last year I did red with a glittery gold accent finger. This year, I would love to work in some nail art a la Zooey Deschanel (the TVs she did for the Emmys were my favorite). If I was ever lucky enough to attend an awards show in the flesh, you can bet I’d be rocking these Kate Spade tuxedo heels. You don’t even need a date when you’ve got these on your feet!

As for the actual watching of the show, if ballots aren’t your thing, follow along with this hilarious bingo game, courtesy of But You’re Like Really Pretty. Of course, I need every method within an arm’s reach that will help me connect to the world, i.e. the Internet. As Steve “observed” two years ago, I need my laptop, phone and ballots within reach as to stay on top of the task at hand. This year will be no exception, and I am super excited to announce that I have finally taken the plunge and started a Facebook page for the blog! You can now follow along with me and my live updates during all of the awards shows this year on Twitter and now Facebook.

I have debated doing this for a long time. I have always shared all of my blog content on my personal Facebook page, which I wanted to do because there isn’t anything in my blog that I wouldn’t tell everyone I’m friends with online. I mean, I’m friends with my mother on Facebook- I would never write anything that I wouldn’t stand behind 100%. 

After I started engaging with people on Facebook during award shows, I wanted to continue because I got such a great response from it. However, like anything else you put out there, I got a little bit of shade thrown my way from people who felt I was clogging their feeds with incessant banter. I don’t know what it was, but something about them saying that made me not want to stop- after all, many of these same people fill my feed with posts I deem irritating about football, stuff that comes out of their kids, or just every damn thought they’ve ever had in their head/what monotonous thing they are doing every minute of their day. But that’s the beauty of Facebook, you can write whatever the hell you want. And you can also read whatever the hell you want, because there is a hide button right there to help you avoid everything you don’t want to see! I know I’ve done it to some people, and they certainly had the right to do it to me.

But after a few years at this, it’s time. I really would like to grown this blog and meet new readers, and Facebook is a great vehicle to do that. So please, if you’ve ever enjoyed anything you’ve ever read or you need a buddy to watch the Oscars with, head over to www.facebook.com/lindsayslook and hit that “Like” button. I promise to post lots of fun celeb updates, outfits, and everything in between. If Twitter is more your scene, I’m there too! Follow me @legallylinz (I promise I won’t just repeat everything from Facebook). 

Make sure to stop by and say hi tonight during the Golden Globes!

~L

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal

My Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Emmy Experience

Posted on Sep 30, 2013Written by Lindsay Scouras

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It’s taken me a week to write this post. Partly because I’m still recovering from the too much champagne/not enough sleep whirlwind of a wedding weekend, but also because, like a child, I needed to chill the eff out before I could use my words to express how I feel.

Let me not be a huge bitch and start off by saying that the wedding was beautiful. I was lucky enough to be a bridesmaid in my husband’s sister’s wedding last Saturday, which has nothing to do with this rant. I was honored to be asked to support her as she (finally!) tied the knot with a wonderful man and everything about the whole weekend was fabulous. 

However, due to being in said wedding, I was not in my usual viewing spot three hours prior to the 65th Annual Primetime Emmys on CBS on Sunday night. We wanted to have as much time with the family as possible, so we opted to take a later boat back to Nantucket that evening. Because we had taken our car over, we had to take a two hour boat ride instead of my usual one hour high-speed ferry that left Hyannis at 8 P.M., the exact moment the show started (don’t get me started on the three hours of preshow coverage I missed- we all make sacrifices).

The entire ride to the dock, I had been attempting to get any nugget of video that I could showcasing the stars arrivals. Normally, I am planted on my sofa, hanging out with my friends Guiliana, Kelly, and George (and if I’m lucky, Ross!), updating my social media platforms with my very honest thoughts about what the TV-lebrities are wearing on the red carpet. So I went to my E! Live from the Red Carpet app on my iPhone, as I thought I could trust them to relay to me all the usual up to date coverage. But no such luck. Well, sort of. While the app did show a stream of the red carpet, it looked so different than the normal show that I couldn’t get into it. 

Biggest issues- it was hosted by Kristin Dos Santos (of Watch with Kristin on E!) and some guy I had NEVER seen before. Like not even Jason what’s his name or the blonde flamboyant gentleman that is BFF’s with G and sometimes take street polls on E! News. So I missed my usual peeps. The other issue was without the red carpet interviews (these two were in a studio what could have been miles away from the actual theater just talking about the people entering, not to them) and the commercials, the entire stream ran with this annoying techno music that I never realized is always playing during the live show, because there’s usually a lot of noise and people talking that drowns it out. Every three minutes, Steve would yell out, “are they at a club?!” and after a few segments, I couldn’t handle it. I left in search of greener pastures.

I tried every entertainment app I had ever downloaded in the history of my iPhone. My first inclination was that the actual licensed Emmy app would show it, but no dice. After trying PopSugar, Entertainment Weekly, People, Us Weekly, and Perez Hilton, I gave up. Some had photos (not super updated though- I need REAL TIME, people!), others had shotty live feeds that blurred in and out of focus (once again, I would like to quote my husband, who upon seeing video chats feels compelled to scream, “it’s 2013- we can put a man on the moon but WE CAN’T HANDLE VIDEO CONFERENCING,” to which I like to remind him that there’s been a man on the moon since the 1960s). I figured it better to focus my attention and battery life on the actual show once I got on the boat and could get on the wifi. 

We arrived early and waited to drive our cars onto the boat. Steve offered to have me walk on the boat earlier to get settled, but I have this weird fear of the ramp breaking away and falling into the ocean (which may also explain my fear of bridges). I figured I would contain myself and just drive onto the boat with him like a normal human being, which was the last time I exhibited that behavior for the rest of the voyage. 

The second the car was in park, I bolted to the seating area. I literally left Steve behind and was all like, “peace, suckaaah.”

There’s two boats you can take your car on, one you have to sit in the car the entire trip and the other has rows of seats and a snack bar and such. And TVs. We were on the latter. But despite running I wasn’t the first person on the boat, and there wasn’t a clear ideal seating area. There were a few burly guys already plunked in front of the flat screens, staring at the football game that I could only pray was about to end. To cover myself, I immediately pounced on the only Steamship Authority employee I could find (at the snack bar) and interrogated her about what a girl had to do to watch the Emmys in this joint. She blandly informed me that I had to speak to the “controller” who sat in a booth in the middle of the boat with a desk and a cot in it (which after seeing it, I can assure you is the WORST place to work or sleep). You can imagine my horror to find that the booth was empty.

I decided to be proactive and find my seat. I must have sat in at least five different spots before I found myself immediately in front of a flat screen that I could almost sort of here… right above my head. 

are you there, emmys? it’s me, nph.


Have you ever been late for a movie and forced to sit in the front row, but you already paid like $14 for your ticket and you just really wanted to be able to say that you had seen a movie in the theater since The Notebook? So you bear through it and stay, hoping your husband will massage out the crook in your neck later. I even made friends with the girl next to me (after all, there were a thousand seats available and I sat in the one directly next to her) and she seemed to understand my life’s purpose. I mean she also put on headphones and read a book, but she got it. 

I had only missed a few minutes of Neil Patrick Harris’ opening montage when Steve found me. As we settled in, I positioned my iPad mini and phone to be at my maximum social media reporting. As I stared up at NPH’s beautiful dainty face, the unthinkable happened:

The channel changed… to football. 

I would like to take this moment to say that I am not a particularly angry person. I have never been in a fight. I never scream or yell if I am upset. I have never hit anyone or anything out of frustration or anything resembling it. But in that moment, my blood boiled. If I was a mother whose child was in danger, this would have been my “lift a car” moment. I jumped out of my chair and went to hunt down this so called controller. I found him at his dreary desk and just burst out, “what happened to the Emmys? I was just watching them, and the channel changed. How can it be changed back”

He stared at me blankly, as if this was the first time he had ever had such a request. “Well, uh… four people asked that it be changed to football. So I changed it.”

Unacceptable. “Okay, well football has been on for the last six hours, and it’s not even the Patriots playing. They finished their game this afternoon. The Emmys are on once a year.”

“Well… didn’t you record it?” he responded, void of every emotion that normal humans are capable of.

What I think I meant to say was, no sir, I did not record it. While I am normally on my DVR like white on rice, I have had a busy week preparing to be a bridesmaid, which is a hectic and emotional experience. Not to mention I knew I would be returning at the exact moment the show started and assumed that one television set on a boat with at least six of them would be broadcasting the most important television event of the year. Also (and this is none of your damn business but let me enlighten you) I have a very demanding award show routine that requires constant updates in real time on all channels of social media, which I certainly cannot do watching a recording.

But instead, a trail of verbal diarrhea came out that very unintelligibly sounded like, “uh, I um, well, no… I was in a wedding… dress, bridesmaid, blugdsadhkfadshtr…” Because instead of feeding off my anger, I just get flustered and all the words in my head try to escape my mouth at the same moment. 

I gathered myself and tried to think rationally. “Surely, you can put at least one television on the Emmys so the travelers outside of the four people that need to see this game have another option of something to watch.”

“Well, no,” he said. “All the tv’s need to be on the same station.”

All of them. ALL OF THEM. It’s twenty thirteen. Again, people in space, but ONE CHANNEL per six televisions. What is my $160 round-trip ticket going to?!

Because I can’t have the last word in a firm and powerful way, I choked back tears as I shuffled back to my seat. My former Emmy BFF was already asleep. So much for solidarity. Steve was staring at his phone trying not to make eye contact with me. 

I collapsed in my seat, filled with the fire of a thousand suns. I had never been so angry in my entire life. And then immediately after, I was mad at myself for being angry, because I knew I was being irrational. But I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop the hatred I felt deep within my soul for this stupid sport that was rapidly ruining my life (or at least my evening). 

I immediately flashed back to high school physical education class when the kids that played sports acted like they were God’s gift to the gymnasium because they could kick a ball or run a mile. I’m not saying that kids shouldn’t be active or take care of their bodies. I’m talking about the mindless drones that treat sports and professional athletes as if they are contributing something to society (you know, other than killing people and getting busted for steroids). l think football is the most is the most boring sport to watch, exacerbated by the fact that it is on for hours upon hours, consuming fall Sundays and clogging arteries with orange nacho cheese substances. I could care less about any of the coaches or the players, unless they are sleeping with a Kardashian, and even then, it barely seems worth it to learn their names. It doesn’t matter that it has been ten years since I was in high school, in that moment, all I could think about was that the jocks win and the theater kids lose. 

For a moment I considered starting my own campaign of the non-meathead passengers to find five people interested in watching the Emmys to counteract the channel change request. After all, if it hadn’t been for the success of the early days of television, people wouldn’t even be able to watch sports on TV, so how about a little respect? While I sort of wished I had taken a stand, the adult in me reminded myself that while I felt alone in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, I would soon in fact return to an island in which I did not wish to be known as “that crazy award show girl” on the boat (I’ll stick with the internet, thank you very much). 

Instead, I sprung into action, hoping that the wifi would prove to be my best asset under this fascist regime. I mean, that’s one of the reasons you get a tablet, right? Those people in the commercials are always streaming with such ease. Surely, I would soon be one of them. 

Unfortunately, unlike the Hyline fast ferry, the wifi was spottier than Aaron Hernandez’s alibi (get it? Because of THE MURDER), to the point that I lost it entirely about halfway through the trip. Even in the brief moments I had it, I couldn’t find the show streaming anywhere, which really pissed me off even more, since there is an actual Emmys app. If you can’t get it there, what’s the point?!

One place you can get it is on your husband’s ancient HTC phone that just happened to be picking up 4G. He was able to find a random stream of the live broadcast (by Googling it, of all things) and propped it up in front of my now useless iPad for my enjoyment. It was just one of many times that I was reminded why I married him.

best seat in the house. or on a boat.


I opted to take my tiny viewing to the level where our car was, as I couldn’t continue to breathe the same air as the traitors on the upper level much longer. Plus, I also forgot my headphones and couldn’t hear the telecast over the sounds of the six televisions. I caught about seven minutes of the show before we lost our connection, catching the end of Julia Louis-Dreyfus winning Best Actress in a Comedy for the 18th time. 

And then, I cried.

I am completely serious. I just broke down and cried. Like actual tears. I shut the iPad, turned off the phone, curled up in a ball in the passenger seat and just cried. I cried out of frustration, anger, and the embarrassment of acting like like a child, but at the same time, not really feeling sorry about it. 

Steve tried to comfort me, but I could tell he thought I was being a little ridiculous, and that it wasn’t actually worth shedding tears over. He later told me that he was so relieved when I gave up and fell asleep, because he had been fighting the drowsiness of his Dramamine in order to help me and he didn’t know how much longer he could last. 

I tried not to think about all the conversations happening without me on Twitter and Facebook. I pushed out of my brain the thoughts of all the moments I missed, including the tribute to Cory Monteith that I knew was being presented. I ignored the urge to continue to check my nonfunctioning phone to catch a glimpse of any red carpet fashion that I no doubt would be a day behind on in comparison to the rest of the blogosphere. I just relented, gave into my own weariness from a sleep-deprived weekend and chalked it up that this would be one of those “life’s not fair” moments. 

And yes, just to repeat so that I’m not the worst human being on the planet, I get that this is minor. It’s nothing compared to the hardships that so many people face on a daily basis. It’s not the worst thing that has happened to me this year (this month, maybe). This is one hundred percent a #firstworldproblem that most would barely bat an eye at. But for me, it’s more. Award season is my favorite time of year. Unlike sports games that are aired multiple times per week for months and months (and rerun on sports specific channels on repeat), this is a one night only scenario. It’s a time that makes me feel like I have found my calling, despite annoying everyone on my feed, and you know, not getting paid for it or anything. I don’t know how else to explain it. I felt like I was missing a chunk of my soul.

But I’ll get over it. Because like everyone says, it’s just TV. Nobody died (well, except for those poor “In Memoriam” people) and the sun still rose and set in the following days. 

But I really do hate football.

-L

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal

So V-MAzing

Posted on Aug 26, 2013Written by Lindsay Scouras

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I may have mentioned once or twice, but I am a sucker for award shows. I don’t discriminate, either- we’re talking everything from the Oscars all the way down to the Teen Choice Awards (which I’m not at all embarrassed to admit I’m bummed I missed this year). Except the CMT’s, because country music makes me want to go Britney-ballistic and shave off all my hair.

So once again I am excited for the MTV Video Music Awards tonight, even though it seems that the days of this show being entertaining are long behind us. I know I’ve watched the past few years, and I can’t recall any specific shows that I was wowed by in any terms other than providing me house of live Facebook status fodder. Even more recent shows featuring hosts that I was excited about (Chelsea Handler, Kevin Hart, etc.) have fallen flat in comparison with VMA’s of years gone by (I mean, I never thought I’d actually miss a Wayans brother in anything).

But thanks to my BFF, the Internet, I took a stroll down VMA memory lane and compiled a list of some of my most favorite and also most cringeworthy moments of the past ten years or so (and yes, I know that there were many years of history-making moments before then, but I regret that I wasn’t even alive the year that Madonna writhed around on the floor in a wedding dress… well at least, not the first time).

Worst: Britney Spears squeezing herself into ill-fitting lingerie mid-psychotic breakdown
Year: 2007

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I mean, I don’t know if I can talk about this. For those of us still suffering from PTBSD (post traumatic Britney stress disorder), a rare illness that afflicted all who watched the 2007 VMA opening performance, it’s hard to be reminded of such a tragedy. For some reason, this performance was supposed to be a “comeback,” and marked the first (and last) time that she performed a track from her “Blackout” album. From the blue contacts to her stringy hair extensions, everything about this “performance” was a mess. I dealt the best way I knew how: by writing a very special installment of my celebrity gossip column for the college newspaper urging her to take some time off and get some help for whatever was obviously plaguing her. Others used a various number of coping mechanisms to deal with their feelings. But deep down, we all wanted the best for her, and this act showed us all that it was far worse than any of us really knew.

Best: Britney Spears stripping down to a nude bodysuit
Year: 2000

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2000 was the year I remember being really excited to watch this show. I was 15, and this was like the height of the TRL era of MTV when Brit Brit reigned supreme. I remember thinking when she came out in an all black suit with he hair tucked up into a fedora that something was about to go down. When she ripped of her ensemble while performing a medley of “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” and “Oops I Did It Again” and revealed a nude, crystal-encrusted bikini top and pants, teenage girls everywhere immediately developed a body image disorder and tried to figure out where you could still purchase a crimping iron. This was the height of Britney hotness, and to this day if I’m ever asked what kind of girl I would be interested in if I was a lesbian, I always say, “Britney Spears VMA’S 2000.” And they understand.

Worst: Lil’ Kim gets felt up by Diana Ross
Year: 1999

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This was just such a weird moment for everyone. I can’t explain it. I mean, you have eyes. You can see. It’s just… ahhhhh. 

Best: Madonna is not a drag, just a queen
Year: 1999

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My favorite celebrities are the ones who can make fun of themselves and are in on the joke. Obviously, Madonna has made a career of reinventing herself and while it was appreciated by most, she was kind of the butt of the joke for years from comedians and late night hosts for always moving onto a new persona. At the 1999 VMA’s, viewers were treated to a parade of Madge’s most iconic looks from her career, which did seem a little crazy once you saw them all standing next to each other. Also, they were men. The fashion show was complete when the Queen herself entered the stage as well, herself. Clad in a simple, all-black ensemble herself, she stared each queen up and down before declaring, “It takes a real man to fill my shoes.” Now that’s a true diva.

Worst: Christina comes back… as a poor man’s Gaga
Year: 2008

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In 2008, it had been a few years since Christina had released any new material, and after ten years in the business, she decided to release a greatest hits album. The title track for the album of the same name, “Keeps Gettin Better” was supposed to be her “comeback” (because if you haven’t released music in two years, you basically no longer exist), but I just found it to be really confusing. After being “Dirrty” and then going “Back to Basics,” her latest persona was… a superhero? And also, a “superbitch.” But to me, the only personality I saw her as was… Lady Gaga! It was so totally obvious that she was ripping off her clothing, makeup, style- and not well (we’re talking pre-meat dress days of Gaga). The worst part was when she was asked about it, Christina was so quick to pretend that she “hadn’t even heard of Lady Gaga,” which was strange, because “Just Dance” was just everywhere at that time. Maybe she was finally being herself- a superbitch. 

Best: Lady Gaga suffers for the sake of “Paparazzi”
Year: 2009

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Does anyone remember old Gaga? Like when she was just a little crazy but her music was so awesome that you were like, “yes, I get it- she’s an artist!” Her performance of “Paparazzi” was the first time I remembered being like, totally wowed by her. There was a set, a storyline, and even though in the end it was a little creepy that she ended up dripping blood and hanging from the ceiling, it was still totally awesome.

Worst: Kanye West crushes Taylor Swift’s dreams in front of the entire world
Year: 2009

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If you don’t know why this is awful, well then I guess you are the type of person who should probably be friends with Kanye West.

Best: Queen Bey saves the day!
Year: 2009

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After having the microphone literally ripped out of her hands, Taylor Swift clearly didn’t get to enjoy her moment of VMA glory. But the ever professional Beyonce did the best she could with an awkward situation that she was dragged into by letting T Swift finish her speech when “Single Ladies” took home the prize for Video of the Year. She reminded us that she was the same age as Taylor when she took home her first moonman, and diplomatically stepped to the side to let her finish, which despite his pledge to do so, Kanye never did.

Worst: Taylor Swift gets her payback for Kanye West being as asshole
Year: 2010

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Anyone with eyes and a soul knows that what Yeezy did in 2009 was apprehensible. Unfortunately, in her usual habit of writing songs about the men who have wronged her, Taylor Swift penned the most boring revenge tune ever written and performed it barefoot one year after “Beyoncegate” went down. Her performance of “Innocent” was so dull and flat, if anything, it probably validated Kanye for being right that “Single Ladies” is by far one of the best songs of all time. I wish someone had ambushed the stage to interrupt this lackluster number.

Best: ‘NSYNC and the TV screens
Year: 2000

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Admittedly, I have never been obsessed with any of the boy bands (unless you count Hanson). But I like to be entertained, and I always appreciated that ‘NSYNC seemed like they really wanted to put on a show (their Superbowl Halftime performance is one of the greatest of all time in my book). There were usually sets (the lockers, anyone?), props (puppet strings) and costumes (Justin Timberlake’s highlighter yellow ‘fro). So this number where they perfectly executed a choreographed dance number with plasma screens (which were inventions from the future as far as I was concerned) in front of their faces while singing “It’s Gonna Be Me,” was the perfect millennial pop performance.

Best: Madonna passes the torch to Britney… with her tongue
Year: 2003

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The evening of the 2003 VMA’s was my first night in my freshman dorm. I didn’t have a TV, so I gathered in my new friend Kristin’s room after meeting during trust falls and Uncrustables at orientation. This opening number was like pop princess overload. First there was Britney, dressed as a bride. Omg, she’s paying homage to her idol, Madonna! But wait, now there’s another bride- Aaahhhh it’s Christina Aguilera! But don’t they hate each other?! Doesn’t matter- they love each other now, the Queer Eye guys in the audience squeal with delight, as do I. Some stripper-esque dance moves ensue, and then, a groom appears. HOLY SHIT it’s Madonna!!! They all sing Madonna’s “Hollywood” and the holy trifecta of female pop music is complete. Until… Madonna grabs Britney’s face and plants a fat, wet kiss on her, right on the lips. Now after watching Miley Cyrus make out with a doll and glorify various club drugs in her latest video, this seems like no big deal, but ten years ago, this was a thing. For me, it wasn’t so much about the kiss as it was that these three women, who were all at the height of the music scene and were always being compared to each other, came together to open this show and they wanted people to take notice. And they did. I swear, for a year, this was like the biggest entertainment news out there.

Worst: Christina Aguilera throws a fit and tried to remind everyone that Madonna totally kissed her too
Year: 2009

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Despite the fact that these ladies swapping spit was like, the most talked about celebrity story in 2003, most people had no clue that Christina Aguilera was even involved. Instead of keeping the camera on the stage when Madge and Xtina locked lips, MTV chose to pan to the audience for a very uncomfortable face from Justin Timberlake. This was when Christina was going through her “Dirrty” phase, and she was not impressed that Brit was touted as the only bad girl on the block. Take a cue from Missy Elliott- no one noticed that she was in this song and she’s totally over it. 

So what I’d miss? Leave a comment with your bests and worst so we can compare. And follow me on Twitter @legallylinz for tonight’s live commentary.

~L

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal

One Oscar Day More

Posted on Mar 4, 2013Written by Lindsay Scouras

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My love/hate relationship with Oscar fashion runs deep. It’s the biggest night in the entertainment industry, and I’m a firm believer that one should pull out all the stops, whether you’re nominated, presenting, or even if you’re just one of those people with the head sets that have been doomed to attend to starlet’s trains all evening. You just have to work it, and there is no excuse for looking like a hot mess. 

But that didn’t stop some people for making a mockery of the holy grail that is the red carpet. A few others managed to respect the sanctimony of such an event. Let’s jump right in, shall we?
charlize theron, sally field, jane fonda, reese witherspoon
These four women were some of my favorites of the evening- and notice that not one of them is a young “up and coming” starlet. These ladies have been around the block and know not only what works for them, but what is appropriate for an event of this level. I find it ironic that Charlize Theron showed up in almost a carbon copy of what Anne Hathaway wore to the Golden Globes and rocked it ten times harder than she ever could (and with shorter hair!). I thought she looked like a svelte beautiful robot. Like she’s gorgeous but I’m also a little afraid of her, and I like that juxtaposition. And Sally Field– who knew it was possible to get cuter with age? I loved the color of her gown, and the fact that it had sleeves but it wasn’t matronly. This was the perfect dress for her in every way. Which brings me to Jane Fonda. This dress looked like it is straight out of the Dynasty collection from Big Bird. But I effin love it. I think on anyone else it would have looked like a Liberache cast off, but she carries herself so well that it just worked for her. And last but not least, my girl Reese Witherspoon can almost do no wrong in my book. I always think back to that vintage Christian Dior bejeweled gown she wore when she won her Oscar as like the epitome of how a Best Actress winner is supposed to look. I don’t normally love black and blue together, but I’m glad that she worked a new color. Plus her hair was so good she could have worn a 90’s prom gown with super unflattering darts (side eye… we’ll get to that later) and she still would have looked like a million bucks. Congrats, ladies. You are all winners to me.
naomi watts, halle berry, jennifer hudson
It’s no secret that I love sparkles at award shows. I think when in doubt, just throw some glitter on and call it a day. And I’m not talking a few rhinestones- all over bejeweled-ness is the way to go. It took a little while to grow on me, but I thought Naomi Watts dress was gorgeous. Like a sexy female Terminator. It was different but not ridiculous. Halle Berry is another one that I didn’t have an immediate positive reaction to. I get why people were comparing her to the likes of Beetlejuice. But upon closer look, I realized how ridiculously well made this dress is and what it did for her body (not that she needs that much assistance there). Plus the girl is taking a risk- rocking those beaded stripes and some serious shoulder pads? I’d rather see that than some of the bores that show up in the same thing year after year. Jennifer Hudson is definitely not boring in this Avatar inspired number, but I think it looked really cool and fun on her. It’s almost like liquid glitter was coating her entire body. It can be difficult to make sleeves look sexy, but she owned that extra fabric. Plus she’s got bonus points for her awesome performance look too. 
jennifer aniston, helen hunt, jennifer garner
Do you think Jennifer Aniston even has a hairdresser anymore? I swear I cannot tell you the last time I saw her wearing even so much as a bobby pin. I’ve always thought that she played it too safe, consistently only donning the colors black, navy and white. I should have been excited by this red flouncy ball gown, but let’s just call it like it is. She may have been America’s sweetheart, but she’s forty four. This dress was not appropriate for her. Helen Hunt is another actress that seems to be getting better with age, and as a crazy bargain hunter I was of course excited to hear that her navy dress was from H&M (you know, with thousands of dollars in jewels adorning it). But it’s no matter how much your dress costs if it’s a wrinkled mess when you get out of the limo. I was also a little underwhelmed with Jennifer Garner‘s dress. I get that she’s just a plus one in this situation, but the front of her gown was so plain and then just EXPLODED in the back. I wish that some of the ruffle detailing could have been more visible in the front. I think the color was fabulous and the necklace too. But her hair is so limp looking, and she always has those curly pieces just hanging in her face, which is very 90’s to me (tendril curls and an updo were all the rage at 8th grade graduation).
zoe saldana, quvenzhané wallis, kerry washington

You know that expression that before you leave the house, you should take off one thing? Clearly Zoe Saldana has never heard that. She could have definitely done without a few of the details adorning her gown. Between the choppy crumbcatcher, the belt, the thingy on the belt, and the ombre layers of fabric, there’s just a few too many things happening here. And is this purple? Or is it gray? Purpley gray? Like, what color is that? Well there’s no denying what Quvenzhané Wallis was wearing, and that was an effin dog purse. I’m sorry, I can’t. I don’t care if she is nine years old- some adult in her life should have told her that this it was not an appropriate accessory for a nominee at the Academy Awards. I mean, I wanted to wear a tiara to my middle school graduation ceremony and my mother put the kabosh on that one but quick. I was crushed- until many years later when I realized that there should be a legal ban on wearing tiaras in public unless you are in fact, a member of the royal family or winning a pageant. Parents just don’t understand, but unfortunately, they’re usually right. Kerry Washington got major props from me for working this kind of cherry colored sheath, but I’m still a bit conflicted about the top. I’m not a huge fan of paillettes, or the poor man’s sequin as I know them, and I just don’t understand why they didn’t come all the way down to the belt. What was the purpose of that extra half a square of embellishment in the front? 

octavia spencer, jennifer lawrence, kristen stewart
This is where things started to get a little iffy for me. Octavia Spencer was fresh off a win from last year, so as far as I am concerned, she should still have enough pull in the industry to get a good dress. I thought she was the only one that this beigy peach color kind of looked good on, but that thing around her shoulders was so, so stupid. It took it to a Disney princess dress up costume in five seconds flat. Loved the bangs, though. It seems that the true princess of the evening was Jennifer Lawrence. She’s like the hottest young thing in Hollywood, a two time nominee (and now winner) at age 22, and already starring in one the industry’s biggest franchises. I know that she’s a spokesperson for Dior, so it was no surprise for her to show up in another haute couture creation. But I’m sorry, I did not love this. I thought she looked like she belonged on top of a wedding cake. The fabric I’m sure is exquisite, but to me it reminded me of a rental table cloth at a function hall. The backwards necklace thing has to be my most hated trend of the year. And I hate hate hate the explosion of fabric. I’m all for a good mermaid, but this drop waist/trumpet skirt combo just hit in all the wrong places. There’s too much of it- it looked like she was sitting atop the fabric as it carried her across the carpet. Someone who could have used some carrying was the always lovely Kristen Stewart. Did I say lovely? I meant miserable. For anyone else you could be like, “oh she cut her foot, she doesn’t feel well…” NO. She always looks like this, so therefore, no sympathy from me. This girl just cannot wear a dress, and she definitely cannot wear a girly dress. But would it have killed her to brush her hair? 
adele, salma hayek, samantha barks

Have I ever mentioned that I’m kinda bored over black dresses at award shows? Yawn. Poor Adele. I think we scared her with all the talk about her couch dress at the Grammys, and girl reverted right back to her old ways. She’s so powerful and beautiful and she always shows up looking like such a marm. I thought she looked much better when she let her hair down a little while performing. Salma Hayek couldn’t have let anything down, as she was literally being strangled by her dress. Also, did velvet come back and I missed it?! Whatever, I don’t even care. I have no desire to revisit the many dresses of childhood Christmas’ past. The last of our ladies in black is newcomer Samantha Barks, who made the stage to screen jump in Les Mis. Too bad I was more intrigued by her performance as Eponine than I was of her gown choice. I didn’t like it when Katharine McPhee wore it at the Globes, and I’m still bored with it now. Deep cleavage does not an interesting dress make. 

amy adams, jessica chastain, amanda seyfried

I want to start off by saying that I am in full support of owning your paleness and embracing it. I think it’s awesome and we should all wear sunscreen everyday, like that weird talking song that came out in 1999 said we should. But wearing a dress that is equally unsaturated with color doesn’t seem like it would do you any favors. The first thing I thought when I saw Amy Adams was that she looked drained, and I’m referring to both her hair and the dress. I liked her hair when it was a more red red, and this dress to me looks like it was supposed to be more of an ocean blue and it got run through the wash too many times. Same thing for Jessica Chastain. If there was a paint chip called “Drainwater,” this is what color it would be. I cannot believe the glowing reviews she is getting for this. I do think the cut and style looked beautiful on her, especially compared to that loosey goosey number from the Golden Globes, but I think she looked like something that got left out overnight to rust. The nondescript color trend continues with Amanda Seyfried’s high necked number. I swear, this had to be one of my least favorite trends. Also, I’m pretty sure she wore a completely similar dress at the Golden Globes- same drab color, same restricted airway passage.  

catherine zeta-jones, norah jones, renee zellweger, nicole kidman
So metallic is being touted as one of the major trends of the evening. As much as I love a little sparkle, I think there’s a difference between good bead work and a Vegas-style suit of armor. Catherine Zeta-Jones looked like she was preparing for a role in a highly stylized epic about the Trojan war. Norah Jones… oh God, I don’t even know. I was so distracted by her ridiculous bouffant to even notice what she was wearing. When I held my hand over her head, the dress turned out to be just as bad. Renee Zellweger showed up in a dress that I swear had been hidden in her closet since Jerry Maguire– serious, where did all these high-necked halters come from all of a sudden?! And as for Nicole Kidman… well I guess she didn’t look terrible, but I think the dress would have looked much better with silver accents as opposed to copper. Also, if you look closely enough, the design on the bottom is a bunch of little spirals just like dumped all over her. It looks like she dropped a bowl of SpaghettiO’s on herself. 
melissa mccarthy, anne hathaway, brandi glanville
And at long last, we’ve arrived. My worst of the worst. I don’t want to hate what Melissa McCarthy was wearing, but I just did. Her hair was terrible and her dress looked like it was made out of a jersey knit sweatshirt material. It’s just so, so unfortunate. You want to see someone like her look amazing, and she always makes me like, frightened when I see her. Speaking of being frightened, {insert Anne Hathaway nipple joke here}. I mean, what a clown. I can’t believe she knew (say what you will- when you looked at her face all night, you could just tell, she knew) she was going to win an Oscar and she showed up in this. It’s just like… ah… I have no words. Like I’m literally angry inside looking at this dress. The halter! The color! THE DARTS! And then to throw on that necklace on top of all of it?! What an insult to Valentino. And fashion. AND OUR EYES. I don’t care what her other dress looked like. She should have worn ANYTHING other than this. And last but not least, Brandi Glanville. I didn’t even want to acknowledge her presence with commentary, but she was just one of the worst. Right off the bat, this dress is inappropriate. But for some reason, I’m wasn’t so much offended by her breasts as I was by the fact that she attended the Oscars. It’s not just that she’s a member of the Housewives franchise. I mean I wouldn’t have been so shocked to see Camille or Nene or even Bethenny in attendance (after all, Skinnygirl was sponsoring the E! after party). But her, ugh. The most classless and famewhorey member of any of the casts. Oh yeah, and her dress is disgusting. 

Well people, we did it. We made it through another season. Personally, I enjoyed the few surprises every now and then, but overall I was underwhelmed with most of the fashion. Next year I call for more color, less 90’s trends, and to never hear the phrase “old Hollywood glamour” uttered again. Thanks for following along with all the updates. What do you say- same time, next year? Until then…

~L

(Just kidding. Please check in again before next year. I promise we’ll have other things to talk about.)

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal, ... at Sassy Styling

Grammy Said Knock You Out

Posted on Feb 18, 2013Written by Lindsay Scouras

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I have to admit, the Grammys aren’t one of my favorite award shows as far as style is concerned. It’s definitely the most relaxed of all the “big” awards, which means that a whole bunch of people show up dressed like assholes. The Grammys apparently thought they were one step ahead of everyone by sending out a serious “memo” about what celebs should and shouldn’t wear, which it’s clear that everyone promptly laughed at and threw away, or just didn’t read at all. I think the fact that they even felt that it was necessary to send out a list of such fashion constraints shows the level of class we’re talking about here. None of this shiz would ever go down with The Academy.

But I digress. We still need to talk about these hot musical messes.

After digging through all the photos, I was only able to pick out two stars that I felt were appropriately dressed/looked amazing/didn’t embarrass themselves:

I usually don’t care for Rihanna, because let’s face it- girl makes crazy stupid decisions, from her romantic life to her clothes to the sheer amount of naked photos she has on Instagram. I’m sorry, I know the world loves her, I get that every single one of her songs have hit number one, she’s so edgy, blah blah blah. It kills me every week how my beloved Fashion Police do nothing but sing her praises when it comes to style- whether she is wearing a trench coat and nothing else or if she’s rocking 90’s acid washed cutoffs. No thanks. But I was pleasantly surprised when she showed up on the carpet rocking this gorgeous flowing number because I couldn’t remember the last time I looked at her and thought she was classy. Of course, she couldn’t go for it all the way, and just had to have a completely sheer top. It’s safe to say I’ve seen enough of Rihanna’s nipples, and I think the rest of the world has too. Solange gets the majority of her coolness quotient by way of proximity. I mean she is Bey’s little sis and spent her Grammy evening in the front row, knocking back flutes of champagne with bro-in-law Jay-Z. Normally she’s dresses a little nutty for me, but I thought this emerald gown was so beautiful on her. I’m totally jealous of people that can rock the color of the year, because green is most certainly not, nor has ever been, my color. She quirked it up a bit with her choice of shoe color and her signature ‘fro, which I adore on her.

Taylor Swift’s dress would be okay if she hadn’t added that stupid silver t-strap in the front. It reminds my of those old metal back braces that kids with scoliosis had to wear back in the day (all I can think when I look at this is “Kristy Masters stuck magnets to your back…”). And I’m sorry, I cannot get behind the milkmaid braid, no matter how trendy it is. I know that I had specifically called out Adele for being amazing at everything except for dressing herself. She always wears something black and boring. Well now I wish that she had just thrown on another raven frock. I mean, how many of Mrs. Roper’s dresses had to die to make this number? I’m glad that she finally accented her waist instead of wearing something shapeless. The clashing print on the shoe is offending my eyeballs, though. Adele, please please PLEASE redeem yourself at the Oscars, I beg of you. I cannot believe Beyonce had the nerve to do this to us after showering us in amazingness at the Superbowl. I mean, what the eff. When I look at this, I feel anger inside. I mean, it’s music’s biggest night and you show up in yoga pants. FOR SHAME, Bey. For shame.

Does anyone else look at this dress on Jennifer Lopez and just think “desperate?” We get it, J.Lo- you’re sexy. You’ve got the young (possibly homosexual) boyfriend, the gorgeous bod, and a decent career despite a few crap rom coms. So why does she have to try so hard? This dress has all the sex appeal of a Hefty bag, minus the crazy leg slit (which we have seen before, no? It’s not like this is a groundbreaking moment in fashion here). I.am.so.bored. Also I’m going to need some more fullness from her topknot. It looks like a weird little growth on her head. It’s called a sock bun, Jenny. Own it. Hi, I’m Katy Perry, and these are my breasts. No really, how can you ever expect anyone to take you seriously (or look you in the eyes) when you’ve got these bazongas on display? I don’t knock her for having curves- I just feel like this dress is like a car accident. You know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t stop staring. Also there’s no hairstyle I despise more than a middle part with NOTHING HAPPENING at the bottom. Although maybe she just gave up because she knew nobody would be looking at her hair anyway. I was completely disappointed with this whole Easter Elvira look. I can’t say anything bad about Kelly Rowland except for I’m concerned for her. I mean even the smallest movement could have resulted in a wardrobe malfunction. I think her bangs are banging, not to mention her body is too. But damn girl, those are a lot of cutouts. I know you’ve spent many years backing up Beyonce, but it’s like she’s wearing a sign that says “LOOK AT ME!” with an arrow on it. And that arrow is pointing to her vagina.

 

Alicia Keys has certainly come a long way from those cornrows with all the beads, hasn’t she? I don’t really have anything specific to say about this one. I think she looks… fine. Except the top of her dress looks like it came from a handbag. I never quite know what to think of Carrie Underwood’s style. Obviously she’s gorgeous and has never had a bad hair day, but I think she just misses the mark sometimes. This dress looks like something a woman twice her age would wear. I think the necklace ages her too, which is crazy, because Jessica Alba wore a similar necklace to the Golden Globes and I was obsessed with it. It just didn’t work this time. I also think she has too much hair for this look. She could do without about half of those extensions and slightly less bangs in the front. Plus she was missing her best accessory- her hockey husband, Mike Fisher. Oh, Carly Rae Jepsen. What are you even doing here? I mean yes, theoretically, she was nominated and everything. But did anyone think that “Call Me Maybe” would last beyond summer twenty twelve? I feel like she was styled by the costumer from Dynasty or something. From the blue eyeshadow to the bangs to the too old for her gown (although it turns out she’s like twenty seven and not seventeen as I had once thought), there is just a heaviness to this look that doesn’t really work for her. I actually really like Janelle Monae’s look. I love that she has a signature thing- the fitted, feminine tuxedo- and it works for her. And I do appreciate when people try to evolve their personal style. But there had to be another way to do this other than to become a matador. I actually wouldn’t even mind the jacket on it’s own without the tails and the ridiculous hat. And I think a pointy spiky heel would have worked way better than this open-toed shoe.

Let me just say right now what everyone is thinking. What the hell is Ashanti doing at the Grammys this year? And why is she wearing a gown featuring a floral motif but also bat wings? I can’t describe this look as anything other than… stupid. Florence Welch is known for being out there when it comes to her personal style. Usually it’s some unflattering florals or a weird headband or something. Spiky scales are a whole new ball game. I don’t care what you say about her as an artist, she looks positively reptilian and it’s horrible. The color is great for her though. If you wonder how I feel about pants at award shows, please see Beyonce commentary above. Kaley Cuoco is one of the worst dressers out there today. She just never gets it right on the red carpet. This is the GRAMMYS- you’re not just hitting up a club. And my hands down worst of the entire evening is of course, Kimbra. I think the thing that makes it so awful is that it has elements that I like, but the execution sucks. If this has been an actual skirt instead of poorly placed tulle Kleenexes, it may have worked. And I have two words for you: curled bangs. Have you ever heard a more devastating statement?

So that’s it for “music’s biggest night” (which L.L. reaffirmed about seven thousand times). And all I can say is… bring on the Oscars.

See you then, kids!

~L

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal, ... at Sassy Styling

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It’s Solid Gold, Baby Pt 2

Posted on Jan 21, 2013Written by Lindsay Scouras

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So yesterday we caught up on some of the best (and less than best, but not totally horrible) fashions of the Golden Globes. But this post is where shizz gets real, as there are a lot of violations to be handed out. So let’s get right into it, shall we?

hayden panettiere, sally field, amy adams, julie bowen


We’ll start off with some of the ones that just didn’t quite make the cut for me. Hayden Panettiere looked nice-ish in her strapless mermaid number, but the pink clutch made her look even younger than she already is. This isn’t your junior prom, Hayden. It seems like she tried to make herself look older by applying way too much 90’s style shimmery makeup. She looks like an extra from She’s All That (which I’m sure she has never heard of because she was probably a toddler when it came out).

I actually thought Sally Field looked really beautiful. That navy shade is a gorgeous color on her. But holy Grandma’s cleavage. I’m not just saying that because she’s older, I seriously don’t like that deep smushed boob thing on anyone. I feel like it only works if you are crazy flat chested like Kate Hudson. 

Oh, Amy Adams. I mean whoever seeks out a dress the color of a paper bag? It’s literally the same shade as her skin. The shape is pretty but she looks like a freaking floating head.  And that one curl hanging down the side of her face is driving me nuts. 

Julie Bowen is another that I almost like the whole look, and then I see the asymmetrical hemline. Like I don’t need to see three quarters of one of your ankles. The color is fabulous and I’m glad she pulled her hair back (but not no severe like that slicked back middle part pony she sported a few years ago). And what is with her stance? I feel like she’s trying to showcase the one shoulder and the drapey ruching but she just comes off looking like a hunchback. 

anne hathaway, amanda seyfried, julianne hough, lea michele


I guess Anne Hathaway looks pretty and all, but didn’t Les Miz wrap like a year ago? Why has she not started eating again? I don’t know what else to say. I’m just so bored looking at her.

Who would have ever thought Amanda Seyfried, also known as Karen “My Boobs Can Always Tell When It’s Going to Rain” would end up being the most A-List of all the Mean Girls? Too bad she stole this dress right out from under her grandma. I do not enjoy all the different lace panel things, and as if there were a way to make it less sexy, she covered up every ounce of décolletage with that stupid tie tack at the neckline. 

I feel like Julianne Hough is going through an existential fashion crisis. I just don’t get who she wants to be. She’s all over the place. Especially with this ensemble. I know some people like the juxtaposition of the hard rocker hair with the princess pouf of a dress, but I think it looks like someone cut a hairstyle out of a magazine and stuck it on a different photo of the gown. I actually really like the top part of the dress, because you know me and sparkle, but I hate that it disintegrates as it travels down, especially since a lot of the hardware is little gold line thingys. And the gather of the tulle at the hips- blech. No me gusta.

Was Glee nominated this year and I missed it? I was shocked to find Lea Michele even on the red carpet, especially since when I first saw her I thought it was Snooki. I mean I know she just got back from Hawaii, but that spray tan is faker than Kurt’s internship at Vogue. I do sort of like the dress, but I wonder if anyone in Hollywood can think of any other way to be sexy other than having their dress slit up to their pelvic bone?

eva longoria, jennifer lopez, katharine mcphee, kaley cuoco

Eva Longoria: Angelina Jolie called, and wants her leg back. 

I think Jennifer Lopez is stuck in a rut. As in she wears the same dress on the red carpet over and over. And it’s a naked dress. Also she makes that same face. That “I”m too sexy to smile” face. I’m just totally over all of it. 

Speaking of trying to be sexy, Katharine McPhee left nothing to the imagination in this barely a dress number. I hate everything about this look. From the places where her shoe straps cut her ankles to the messy topknot, this whole look is a don’t for me. I didn’t know that you could look both boring and slutty at the same time. It’s like a 2013 version of Elvira. 

Despite being one of the few females on a show about a bunch of guys who can’t dress themselves, Kaley Cuoco never seems to get it right. I actually sort of like her dress but I’m so distracted by her overexposed breast area that it totally trumps any beauty I saw in her gown. I don’t know what it is that bothers me so much about it, but when I was watching the preshow I felt like offended just looking at her. Also that goth shade of lipstick looks good on no one, especially not fair skinned blondes. 

adele, debra messing, helen mirren, stacy kiebler

Sigh. I know black is sort of Adele’s thing. And although it’s not my favorite, I admit that she looked sensational in her Grammy dress, but this is a grammy dress. As in it looks like it belongs to a grandmother. I know she had a baby a few months ago, but this is just not flattering on her or anyone.

Oh, Debra Messing. Remember on Will & Grace when Karen used to mock all of our outfits? Well just imagine what she would say about this sheer curtain looking thing. When I saw this on TV I thought it was just not that exciting. It wasn’t until I saw the photos that I realized how awful the skirt was. Everyone keeps saying that her character Julia on Smash is going to be dressing better this year. Looks like Debra hasn’t taken any cues from her alter ego just yet. 

I normally love everything that Helen Mirren wears. Whether it’s a formal gown or a bikini, she’s got a body that won’t quit and she wears clothes very well. Which is why I was so underwhelmed by this black zig zaggy number. I know it was cold that night, so sleeves make sense, but I just didn’t feel any excitement about this. It was like a boring old lady version of Kate Hudson’s dress.

Raise your hand if you’re still shocked to see Stacy Kiebler this year. Who knew of all the cocktail waitresses and Italian actresses that came before her, this former wrestler turned George Clooney arm candy would be the one to stick around? I get that she is kind of a prop when it comes to these things, but I still thought she could have worn something with a tad more pizazz. 

emily blunt, kristen wiig
There were a number of things I found to be very 90’s at the Golden Globes, and none more than cutouts. Really, cutouts?! I just don’t feel like it’s ever appropriate to show one’s midriff at a formal event. I kind of like Emily Blunt’s dress… if it was all one piece. And Kristen Wiig, I love you, but you cannot dress yourself. Or let whoever else dresses you do so. I mean look where that thing is pointing. Also it looks like a coverup that you wear in the summer over your bathing suit. Not.appropriate.

taylor swift, jessica chastain, lucy liu, sienna miller

And last but certainly not least: my absolute least favorite looks of the entire evening. It took a long time to get here, but after the good and the bad, we’ve finally arrived at the ugly. 

I despised everything about Taylor Swift’s look the second on I saw her. Before I say anything, let’s remind ourselves that she is twenty three. TWENTY THREE. She looks like a Golden Girl here. Her hair is so awful it almost makes me long for those crazy spiral curls she wore exclusively for like six years. I swear that dress came out of a prom magazine I had in 1998 (and yes, I was in seventh grade then. I wanted to start preparing early). Somehow skinny minnie Taylor developed overnight and looks like she is carrying a shelf on her chest. I get that she’s had almost as many relationships (and breakups) as some women have had their entire lives, but that doesn’t make her mature enough to wear this. And she shouldn’t want to. She’s TWENTY THREE. 

Ugggggh. Jessica Chastain. I wish she had just shown up dressed like her character in The Help last year. I thought she looked a lot better. Than again, anything would look better than this droopy boob number. Again, what woman looks at this and says, “yes! That is something I want to wear!” Don’t people in Hollywood take whatever precautions necessary to make sure their boobs don’t end up down at their waist?! She also gets another -30 points for the hair. The half slicked back/half loose wave with a middle part? I just… I can’t… I don’t even… I give up.

Lucy Liu looks like she ripped one of the costume right out of Once Upon A Time. And even they’re like, “that’s okay, girl. You keep it.” And I’m sorry, a Katniss braid is not an appropriate hairstyle for anything other than keeping your hair out of your face while you try to stay alive in child warfare. 

I used to think that Sienna Miller was so chic, and lately she has been on a downward spiral for me. Again, so unflattering in this high skirt/cropped top number. Even the appliques adorning her are trying to jump off. She looks like she can’t even walk. Her hair looked greasy and unwashed, and she thought she was really doing something crazy and innovative by wearing two earrings in one ear and none in the other. Stop the presses- we have a new trend on our hands. Except it sucks and I’m not doing it. 

So I guess that’s it, folks. At least until February 10. The Grammys are coming…

~L

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal

It’s Solid Gold, Baby

Posted on Jan 20, 2013Written by Lindsay Scouras

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

No, not that! Christmas is over, you fools (thank God. I can walk around my apartment again). 

AWARDS SEASON.

I have literally been giddy with excitement over this. I know that’s not unusual for me, but I don’t know, something was different this year. First of all, I was in the same country as the Golden Globes, unlike last year, when I was trying not to lose appendages due to frostbite in Canada… I mean I was celebrating my one year anniversary. Second, I planned better. I make my schedule at work sometimes two months in advance, and don’t always know off the top of my head what exact days the awards are. This year I put it in my phone, set alarms- I was set. Third, I had a visitor. Yes, I watched the awards with someone other than myself. Willingly.

I have written before about my desire to only watch award shows by myself. And no, it’s not because people don’t want to watch them with me (no matter what Steve says). It’s because every time I watch something important with other people in the room, they talk. Then I talk, then I miss things, and then I lose out on fodder for my incessant award show night Facebook posts. As much as I love throwing parties, the idea of throwing an award show party makes me want to cry. I just want to be left alone. 

However this year I decided to be less of a frigid bitch and invite my old roommate Liz over. Liz and I lived together in Cambridge in a “swinging singles” apartment as my mother called it (despite the fact that both of us were in relationships) before I moved in with a boy. Liz has recently moved to the a mere twenty minutes away to the suburbs (mwhahahaha) and is now one of us. Like she has a car and everything! Yet we’ve only seen each other like three times since the move. We’re busy people. 

There were snacks. 

for those of you not in the know, liz & i survived on only chips &
salsa for almost two years.


There were ballots. 

bills, bills, bills.


There was wine (only for me, because Liz was being “healthy” and “cleansing” or something). We started watching preshow coverage at 5:00 and didn’t stop until the show ended at 11:00. I even made food stuff. Okay, Steve prepared it but I assembled it. 

mini caprese/bruschetta thing. oh you fancy, huh?


It was almost like we still lived together. Liz brought nail polish and her computer and Steve disappeared, so it was like the boys in our lives didn’t even exist. I mean, we missed them very much. Luckily football was on too so I don’t know if they noticed that we weren’t there. Sometimes, you just need your girls, you know?

And speaking of girls, can we talk about what the ladies were wearing that night? 

Of course, I had my favorites:

claire danes, kate hudson & jessica alba


I thought that these three exemplified red carpet glamour/how famous people should dress for an award show. Claire Danes looked amazing a mere one month after giving birth. Okay, well obviously she looks amazing because she’s famous and it’s a heck of a lot easier when you’re famous, but still, I give the girl some credit. Although I did cringe a little when she mentioned her fear of “leaking” on the carpet. Girl, you’re in Versace. Can we not discuss what may or may not be coming out of your nipples? I will subtract points however for over application of her eye makeup. I felt like it made her look more tired and old, but she does have a newborn, so I’m going to let this one go a bit. 

I think Kate Hudson was my hands down absolute favorite of the evening. I mean she took things that shouldn’t be that exciting on the red carpet (black, sleeves, straight hair– one of my personal pet peeves at a formal event) and it all just worked. I mean it helps when you have that body, but damn, that dress was just made for her. I loved the sparkle at the neck- it made it a little more grown up (we’ll call it the Downton Abbey effect) but the non-cleavage boob exposure keeps it from being boring. I love love loved this. 

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Jessica Alba had no business being there, but I’m glad that she was because I loved her entire ensemble. Not many people look good in salmon, but I thought between the dress and the jewelry she just looked like a real movie star. Which reminded me that I couldn’t tell you the last movie she was even in. At first I was kind of horrified by the purse, but her Muppet clutch started to grow on me. I love fun bags and if you’re not worried about actually winning an award or anything, why the hell not? I do wish her hair was a little darker because I think her ombre is starting to blend in with her skin, and I wanted her to have a little more definition. Plus I still think that ombre is a trendy way to say “I was too lazy to get my roots done.”

amy poehler, zooey deschanel, tina fey


I thought that host Amy Poehler looked awesome… from the waist up. I seriously love a woman in a sexy suit. Plus I like when people that you know are funny kind of mix it up and are like “whoooa bet you didn’t know I could be sexy too.” And then I saw her ankles and 90’s style prom shoes (which probably cost $500, but I’m sorry- I swear I wore those to my sophomore semiformal) and it kind of killed it for me. She’s kind of short and I wanted it to be like a fabulous super wide leg or something. Also a few years ago I was sort of obsessed with side buns for formal events and my best friend/hairstylist Ryan always tried to talk me out of them, claiming no matter what, you look like you have a growth coming out of the side of your head. I hate to say it about my girl Amy… but he was right. 

At first I really enjoyed Zooey Deschanel’s look. I loved her cute little pony and pearls combo. Red is one of my favorite formal colors because it’s always so dramatic and you don’t clash against the carpet! Upon a further look, I decided I really don’t like this shiny taffeta-esque fabric. It turns it tableclothy. And why does she insist on always doing this not quite enough coverage tiny boob cup thing? I was just waiting for a nip slip in that floaty blue princess dress she wore to the Emmys last year, and I feel like she just keeps repeating that same shape. 

And Tina Fey. I mean, if they gave a most improved award, this girl would get it, with honors. I normally don’t like anything less than a full length gown for such a big event, but I thought it was appropriate because she was co-hosting and only did a quick run across the carpet. I thought this shape worked really well on her, but everything else she wore that night looked amazing too, because damn is she skinny all of a sudden! As long as she doesn’t shrink any smaller than this I’m okay with it. Don’t scare me girl- we don’t want any Mischa Barton arms up in here. 

kerry washington, jennifer garner, jodie foster, sofia veragara


I LOVE GLITTER. And sparkle, and bling, and whatever the hell you want to call it, as long as it’s shiny and in bulk. I always think it’s appropriate for the red carpet and I hate when people try to go all “safe” and “simple” because that’s not what any of this is about. I loved the concept of Kerry Washington’s airy nude gown, but not the execution. The short lining with the short hem and a close toed nude shoe? I thought the combination of those elements aged her like twenty years. And I could have done without those super blunt bangs. Blech I just hate those. I felt like the was trying to be edgy from the neck up to balance out the old ladyness that was happening south of her waistline. I guess she is just so beautiful that nothing looks truly bad on her, but I just wanted to turn her into a Project Runway challenge where they rip of what you’re wearing and turn it into what it was meant to be. 

I thought Jennifer Garner looked good as a date-of-a-nominee-who-hasn’t-walked-on-a-red-carpet-with-her-significant-other-since-2007 could look. It had my favorite things- red, sparkles, a waistline, but I didn’t fall of my couch or anything over it.

I didn’t really know what to think of Jodie Foster, other than the fact that she looked kind of like she was wearing a suit of armor, which probably explains why she looks uncomfortable, although in retrospect that could have been because of something else (obviously, being seated with Mel Gibson). I do think she is very pretty, but her haircut is so severe that I’m scared she’s going to start yelling at me in German or something. I think some loose extensions could have changed this look entirely, and for the better. 

Sofia Vergara is one of those that nothing ever looks bad on her. She is a self appointed Sparkle Queen, and while I’m glad she lost the Miss Universe looks she’s been sporting for the past few years, I don’t know if there’s anything else out there that exists that she could wear that would look any different. I feel like she went a little demure with the black, but why does the dress need ruching that provides no purpose except for a clear marker for where her vagina is?

olivia munn, jennifer lawrence, rosario dawson


Is it just me, or is Olivia Munn working like a Kate Middleton rip-off look without the bouncy hair? I think it’s the way she’s standing. I feel so indifferent about this ensemble. I don’t despise it, but I don’t think I really like it either. From the turquoise stones to the jeweled choker, the fitted black skirt to the oversized silver clutch, this look again just screams 90’s to me.


Jennifer Lawrence is like inches away from being a best dressed for me. I like the color (but wish it was a tad less orange), I like the belt (but could use less trumpet on the skirt), but the straw that broke the camel’s back for me are THOSE STUPID CUPS. Seriously- what are those? I mean I watch Say Yes to the Dress, so I know what a crumbcatcher is (although I still don’t understand why anyone would want that word associated with something to do with their wedding) but unless she was using them to carry glasses of champagne at the afterparty, I see no purpose for this. 

I have to wonder what Rosario Dawson did to get on the list for this one, because like Alba, I’m pretty sure she hasn’t been in anything worth nominating ever (unless I missed the cinematic contribution of Men In Black II). I do sort of like this dress- I think the color looks great on her and I like that the peplum is a little origami-esque. But this is like a business casual version of an award show gown. With the high neckline and pointy little sleeves, it’s basically a full length version of a sheath dress! I didn’t feel like it was quite appropriate. 

halle berry, marion cotillard, lena dunham, nicole kidman

Ugh. We’re starting to get into my lukewarm territory. I don’t know what Halle Berry was thinking when she showed up in this mess, because I certainly didn’t get the memo about side midriffs being back. I sometimes think she shows up to things in certain outfits just to remind us all how crazy hot she looks in anything. 

Did anyone else find it ironic that Marion Cotillard was nominated for a movie about a whale trainer who loses her legs to Shamu or something and then shows up baring hers? No? Just me? Regardless, I hate this whole high/low thing. I do like the metal belt, but she wasn’t starting any trends here- at least two other people were wearing that. I do like the color, but it’s very Pantone Color of the Year 2012. And I’m sorry, no matter what, I will never find long straight hair with a middle part appropriate for something like this. It’s the red carpet, not your eighth grade yearbook photo. 

Maybe Marion Cotillard should have borrowed Lena Dunham’s wet suit gown for her role in Rust and Bone. I mean that thing could have stood up on it’s own. And I don’t know about you, but purpley brown was never a Crayola that I wished they would start producing. I just think it’s too much fabric for her and all the lines are going weird directions. Also I would have appreciated a little sparkle headband or something. I mean she is working that pixie but she also looks like kind of a frumpy dump. Next. 

So is Nicole Kidman exclusively wearing studded dresses on the red carpet from now on? Did she like last year’s look so much she just grabbed it in another color? I mean the only difference is instead of spaghetti straps it looks like she got shot with a confetti cannon. I’m bored with her.

So as you can see, we’ve just barely touched upon some of the atrocities that occurred on that frigid Los Angeles evening. Since we’re getting a little lengthy up in here, I will be featuring all the lackluster ladies in a second post. So in case you didn’t catch on, this last one was me being nice. See you soon.

~L

Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal, ... at Sassy Styling

Don’t It Make You Mad About It

Posted on Oct 25, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

2

I wasn’t going to talk about this. 

But then this came out today:

photo
So clearly, there are some things we need to discuss. 

Let’s just put it right out there- this has got to be the worst celebrity wedding magazine cover photo of all time.

There. I SAID IT. 

To be fair, I may be slightly biased, because I sort of already hated them to begin with. 

Okay, that sounds bad. Hate is bad. I don’t know them or anything. Plus hatred implies that I feel that strongly towards them. I don’t. Personally, I have always found them separately irritating and now super boring as a couple. I was never an N*Sync fan and I couldn’t tell you one movie of hers that I have ever liked.

So when I found out these two were getting married this past weekend in Italy, I could have cared less. I mean sure, I devoted the appropriate amount of attention (a singular Facebook status) out of respect for the sanctimony that is a celebrity union, but it’s not like I was holding my breath waiting for these pics or anything. And given the private (cough cough boring) nature of their courtship and engagement, I certainly never thought we’d see a Kardashian-sized spread in People of all places. 

But enough about them. Can we please talk about this photo?

I’m having trouble gathering my thoughts about everything that is wrong with it. I think a formal list is in order:

1. The biggest elephant in the room. Or should I say bird. Or pterodactyl. What the eff is he doing? Here she is, on her wedding day, just lounging on the ground (?!?!?!) in her best Giambattista Valli, getting her bridal portrait done, and BAM! Girl looks like she’s seconds away from getting her train squashed by the D*ck In a Box guy. In fact when I first saw this picture I thought it was an outtake from a Lonely Island video. 

photo

2. She looks like a cross between a doll and a robot. He looks like he’s at a frat party. I find it hard to believe these two were at the same event, let alone agreeing to spend their foreseeable future as husband and wife. I’m all for fun wedding photos, but in order for this to work, both people need to be having the fun. 

3. Dude, you’re wrinkling your Tom Ford tux. TOM FORD. Show some manners. 

4. You can’t tell me that these two aren’t big enough that they couldn’t have forced People to hold off on the Sandusky victim for another week. Because nothing screams “I do” like a big fat expose on one of the grossest perverts of all time. And it’s right next to her face. It’s like a horribly placed thought bubble. 

5. I’m sorry, but is anyone else dying over the Britney photo in the corner? Don’t get me wrong- based on my previous opinions, I am actually sort of loving this. But if you were the new Mrs. Justin Timberlake, wouldn’t you just die? That would be the only thing I would see. Again, like there was no other spot for a Britney photo other than on eye level with JT. These two are the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston of the pop music world. I mean, Brad Pitt has six children with another woman and Jen is engaged and still, no one can just let it go. And most of us will never get over these two either. I hope someone wakes Brit Brit up long enough for her to comprehend what has happened here and laugh. Even she’s like, “y’all, what am I doing here?”

photo

6. You’re telling me that the chick with the man voice from Total Recall, The A Team, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blade 17 or whatever wanted to wear bubblegum pink on her wedding day? No wonder she looks so out of place. Also, why are people still trying to make colored wedding dresses happen? We all know that there’s really only one person that can get away with this look.

photo

~L


Published under: ... at Celebrity Scandal