Category Archives: … at Celebrity Scandal
Well people, here we are – the end of award show season. AKA, when I sink fully into my seasonal depression (I’m kidding… sort of). Award shows are pretty much the only good thing about the winter in these parts, and now it’s over 😭 What will I do with all my free time?!
This one was tough for me because more than ever, I really have hardly seen any of the movies. As I’ve mentioned, life on an island is tricky for many reasons, and for a pop culture addict like myself, it’s hard to take in all of the year’s cinematic masterpieces when you have two theaters with one screen each, and film like Moonlight plays exactly TWO times, one of those being at 4 P.M. on a Thursday.
So as usual, I was relying on the fashions to get me through. And unfortunately, I was a little disappointed with last night’s turnout. A lot of safe looks, neutral colors, and… velvet? (My fifth-grade self is overjoyed at this turn of events.)
Someone else who is feeling a little down today? I’m guessing the entire cast of La La Land (one of the films I was actually able to see!). And also Moonlight, for missing out on their moment a bit. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, well, I’m kind of not sure how you got to the blog, but welcome! And if you do know what I’m talking about and want to hear more, you can listen to the podcast that Bowen and I recorded this morning breaking down all the events of last night’s telecast. But ’round these parts we focus on fashion, so here we go!
Like I said, I was a little bummed out by the lack of risks/innovation/color last night, but these ladies stood out as my best of the best. You might not know who Auli’i Cravalho is yet (I certainly didn’t when she arrived on the red carpet early in the evening) but you probably know her voice from Moana. And of of last night, you know her as the sixteen year-old performer who got hit in the face with a flag during her performance in front of like a billion people and totally kept her cool. I will now know her as the girl that could save Hollywood. I mean she is talented and gorgeous and full of class. Help us, Auli’i, you’re our only hope (until Bey and Amal’s twins grow up, of course). I think she looks so beautiful in this white gown. The metallic accents and uneven layers keep it from going “bridal” and girl already has a killer posing arm going on. Live long and prosper. A big winner of the night (finally!) was Viola Davis, who was the only person to sport a color that I really loved. Seriously, I have never see anyone who can dress like a primary crayon and look so damn good. It’s a classic shape, but the halter and sleeves keep it a fresh and different. The Queen of the red carpet for me was most definitely Taraji P. Henson. Cookie slayed from the second she left the limo – between the hair, the slit, the cleavage – and everything just worked for her. Taraji knows exactly how to walk that fine line of sexy vs. skanky, and I was so happy to see that she left her juvenile Grammy look behind for Hollywood’s biggest night. Finally, one of the big winners of the evening was Emma Stone, in more ways than one. If you ask me, she either knew she was going to win or believes in fashion osmosis, and that by dressing the part of a lady Oscar statue, she in turn took home the gold. Just one of my many conspiracy theories for the evening, but you can’t deny that girl looks good. If I had to change one thing (and it’s just a very small one thing), I would say that I wish this gown was a slightly different tone, because I think this color is a little too close to her skin and washes her out a bit. Maybe a more yellow-y gold (I mean, she wore head-to-toe chartreuse last year) or if this had been done in like, a pewter color – that would have been amazing. But her hair and makeup has never looked better.
These ladies are my second in line for being the belles of the ball. I don’t know why Karlie Kloss is there (requisite millennial to show how young/hip the Academy thinks they are?) but she is essentially the only person that can get away with this style of dress. You have to have like one percent body fat and no boobs to even look at this on the hanger. I would like to give her the award for best use of an ACLU ribbon – the blue really pops against the white, as does having it displayed on her protruding hipbone. Ava Duvernay should get some sort of award for looking this amazing less than 48 hours after returning from New Zealand (where my girl Reese was as well). This dress is not only beautifully-crafted, but was created by a Muslim designer in Lebanon. Activism looks darn good on her. I can’t believe that on Saturday I was watching a tween Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit on AMC and on Sunday I was literally bowing down in front of my television for her. This dress is just perfect for her – it’s age appropriate without being immature, and the oh-so dramatic makeup and hair keeps it from going too foo-foo. And Octavia Spencer… I feel like you kind of have to dress like a queen with the name Octavia. I don’t know what to call this color, but it’s just the right shade that keeps it from resembling dirty bath water. Feathers were forecasted to be a big trend for the evening, and Octavia delivered with this fluttery number. I’m not the biggest fan of the top, it’s a little mother-of-the-bride for me, but I think it balanced out the skirt just fine.
Overall, I like the ensembles in the category but… well, let’s start with Teresa Palmer. First of all, who is she and why did someone let her ruin a perfectly good metallic dress with an ugly belt? (Apparently, belts are in too, FYI.) And I don’t know exactly what it is, but I don’t think there is a good boob situation going on here. Like I think the top of this dress is ill-designed (despite the fact that it’s Prada). I did look her up on Instagram and she had a baby like ten weeks ago so you can’t really fault her for anything, can you? Another hot mom in the mix is the always beautiful Halle Berry, who broke records winning her own Oscar in 2002 so you know that she just didn’t give an EFF and will show up however she damn well pleases. I am all for big hair, but this is like, really big. Like Sideshow Bob big. It’s totally distracting and frankly hides a lot of her beautiful face/skin/eternal youth. I like this gown, sorta. I think it’s very flattering, and I wish that I could have seen this top and this bottom as their own dresses because these two were not made for each other. And the bottom part of the black tulle that just is left there, limp and lifeless… no. Just no. Olivia Culpo was one of the quasi-celebrities that E! managed to convince to appear on one of their many several hours of pre-show programming, and they went into this whole story with a video montage of how this dress was made and even though it’s Marchesa it’s somehow also made by Stella Artois, and I don’t know how but they give people clean drinking water when they make beer, so props. I think this dress is gorgeous; it is an engineering masterpiece. So why, WHY would you ruin it with those slicked-to-your-forehead side bangs?! During the pre-show I swear there was one baby bang that was trying to jump ship to the side it rightfully belonged to. It was so distracting, I kept smudging my screen as if I could push it out of the way myself. BTW, the black ribbon was an add-on, and I’m not sure if it’s a necessary one at that. In a world full of beige (I’m coming for you, Kidman), I love that we have a Janelle Monae. She is so kooky and weird but gorgeous and I kind of love her (but could not tell you one song she sings). Yes, this look is crazy, and no, I would never wear it. It’s got everything – a belt, tulle side panels, a Grecian-style headband, strategically-placed appliques. Girl just kept piling it on. But seriously, I found the majority of the red carpet to be so boring, this was almost like a breath of fresh air, and I don’t think anyone else there could wear anything like this other than her.
Okay, here’s where we make a pit-stop in Dulls-ville. I’m not complaining, everyone looks pretty but… there’s just something missing with all of these. When I saw Felicity Jones take to the carpet, I could only see her head, which I swear was just floating around as if detached from her body. Turns out it was just another flesh-toned dress, yawn. I also felt that this was very ill-fitting. Felicity is a tiny British nymph, and something about the cut of this dress made her look much wider than she actually is. Isabelle Huppert looked beautiful (and also mad, but also French), but I felt like she thought all of this was beneath her the whole night. I never saw her smile once… granted, she didn’t win, but still. I don’t mind this dress, and I think it looks great on her… but man, these hanging belts are really killing me. Nicole Kidman has made vast improvements from her other appearances on the red carpet this year (like hey what’s up hello) so I guess it’s okay that this one is kind of boring. But like, could this have been any other color than Nicole Kidman-pinky beige? Also those circular designs are a little hypnotize-y. Whatever, it’s fine, I’ll take it. I am pretty bummed about this Chrissy Teigen look. I kind of don’t get it. The top part was almost like a different color square panel in the middle with tiny bedazzled fireworks on it. There was a cape, there was a front arm sash (just one though), there was (shocker!) a belt, a very high slit, more firework jewels… and the most boring hair to boot. It just wasn’t one of my favorites on her.
I mean, if you wear an all-black dress on the red carpet are you even really trying? Kate McKinnon seems to be suffering from what I call Kristen Wiig Syndrome – a really fun person who wears really boring gowns at award shows. Do you think it’s because so much of their personalities are brought out by wigs and prosthetic noses? Like this is fine, but nothing to write home about. I know that Michelle Williams is a Louis V darling, but I find her to be very hit-or-miss with fashion (she’s a pretty reliable one good year, one bad year type of gal). This dress is literally nothing special – I repeat, nothing. In fact, Emma Roberts showed up in virtually the same thing but didn’t look like a grandmother. And I really miss Michelle’s longer pixie. Again, the hair, the skin, the skirt – everything is the same color and all of it is blah. Salma Hayek is another one I just don’t understand. Did you know that her husband is the CEO of a company that owns Alexander McQueen, Balenciaga, Gucci, and Saint Laurent Paris? So why on earth doesn’t she dress better? This is literally a really long negligee over the highest of high-waisted briefs. And the jeweled headbands – I can’t. As discussed, Emma Roberts was basically twinning it with Michelle Williams (hopefully unintentionally, but hey, one never knows). I think I like this version better because it’s not so old looking, despite being vintage. The boob area is very small so I was a little nervous about that, but overall I think this is a much better-executed look than the previous. But the Jessica Rabbit hair? Eesh. If we could just go back to this, that would be great. Finally, Alicia Vikander, who is one of those award show darlings that I just do not understand. She has the body of a Chinese gymnast, and yet she always somehow ends up in very heavy looks that totally overwhelm her small frame (I will never forget that freakin’ daffodil bubble hem from last year). She looks like a really boring version of the flamenco dancer Emoji with hair that she just like, what – tied up after leaving the gym? But don’t worry guys, she managed to throw on probably a million dollars worth of diamonds to really tie the whole look together.
When weird dresses attack! Seriously, I don’t know what to say here. Again, prefacing this with the fact that all these women are gorgeous and sometimes there is a just something that doesn’t work. But you can see the vision and get that it was going somewhere, and then you just feel bad that the people that tell them how good they look are being paid handsomely to do so. Leslie Mann could not be missed in this highlighter yellow number, complete with bunches and ties and well… that’s pretty much it. But it’s a lot. It kinda reminds me of a homemade costume for a community theater production of Beauty and the Beast. If she’s gunning for a role in the remake, someone may want to let her know that ship has sailed. It’s strange though – there’s something about this that I actually like and I want it to succeed. I want this dress to be one of those Project Runway challenges where they have to make a bad dress into a good one. Also it’s a bit much for presenter, no? Jessica Biel has never been at the top of any of my lists (yes I know it’s not ethical but I just can’t explain why I don’t like her and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). Gold sequins and red carpets go together like Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling… so why doesn’t this work? Well, let’s start with the fact that she looks like she came straight from a drag production of The Lion King, where she may have been actually mauled by someone named Tigress. If you take off the necklace and leave the sequins in tact, this has some semblance of a beautiful dress. Unfortunately, it’s been destroyed. I want to like Kirsten Dunst’s look, after all, she’s kind of been out of the spotlight for a while. This dress is fine (albeit kind of boring and old for her) and the choker is to die for, but the hair is so messy and disheveled, it totally throws off the kind of old-Hollywood class that I assume she was going for (I mean, she is wearing a close-toed shoe). The proportions are very odd here, with the waist so small and all the extra fabric at the skirt… and are we done with this high-low hem thing yet? Speaking of high-low – how is one supposed to understand their feelings about Naomi Harris’ look? So beautiful from the top up, the dress fits like a dream, it has just enough trendy items (a cape! underboob cutout!), and then… a pencil skirt? Like, what am I looking at here? And I’m sorry, I know it’s intentional but the mismatched jewels on the shoes are really throwing me for a loop (but I appreciate the pop of color). STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS, NAOMI. Don’t we get enough of that with Moonlight?!
I’m running out of steam to describe how celebrities almost nail it and then something goes wrong. Charlize Theron has always been a picture of cool style, and this dress could be great, but I wish the metallic skewed more gold instead of green. Also, you can’t tell in this photo, but her hair is very well-styled in the front and then it’s a ponytail in the back. They didn’t even wrap the hair tie! AAAARRGGGH. It’s literally infuriating. Also hi, sorry – the top on this doesn’t fit. Ginnifer Go0dwin was having a tough time with the very recent passing of her Big Love co-star Bill Paxton… so I think I’m going to leave this one alone for now. It’s a great color. That is all. Brie Larson really confused me here. She was so bright and vibrant and fresh last year, and now she’s like, a blondie zombie version of Angelina Jolie. This dress is nice (I think?) but it’s very dark (black velvet will do that to ya) and quite Elvira-esque. The blank stare doesn’t help. And Giuliana Rancic… there’s a lot of folds here, huh? (That’s literally all I have.) Also I hate dresses that need choreography in order to show how they’re “supposed” to look on the red carpet. If you can’t sit, stand, walk up the stairs, walk down a carpet, or dine at In N Out Burger with it… pick something else.
And finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for – the worst dressed of the evening (yes, we’re horrible people – please stay as long as you like, you are among friends). Ruth Negga was the first person I saw on the red carpet and I was afraid that the whole evening was shot. She is so beautiful, why, oh why, did she choose to dress like a harlequin from a Civil War movie? I know I said I love red at award shows… well maybe i should have been more specific. She literally looks like she’s on fire, and not in a good way. And I hate that her earrings, headband (again, ick), and lipstick are all in competing shades of crimson. Nothing goes and I’m dying. There goes Priyanka Chopra again, showing up at things. Bowen and I have this theory that she should only do hair commercials, as we feel her acting is subpar and I don’t know a single person that watches Quantico (but who knows, maybe our minds and hearts will be swayed by her upcoming role in… the Baywatch reboot?). Again, a beautiful girl who didn’t do herself any favors by wearing what is basically the underside of your Nana’s quilt to the Oscars. This pattern hurts me in more ways than one. Another pattern-offender is Scarlett Johansson. I don’t even know how to describe what is happening on this dress, I just know all of it’s bad and a studded biker belt doesn’t help. And like Charlize’s dress, the top does not fit. Is there like, some kind of tailoring shortage in Hollywood right now?! Finally, my worst of the worst, so bad your grandma doesn’t even want it: Dakota Johnson. The sheen of this hurts my eyes, and the crotch bow is abhorrently dreadful. I feel like I have to use words like that because I believe she stole this straight from Maggie Smith’s bedroom in Downtown Abbey. In what stratosphere is this a good color on anyone? Don’t worry guys – she accessorized with a big fat chintzy necklace over the neck ruffle. Now it’s all okay. EXCEPT NONE OF THIS WAS EVER OKAY. I can’t.
And there you have it! Thank you so much to everyone who followed along with me this award show season. I know there’s a lot happening out there right now, and in no way am I saying that any of this is more important than what’s going on in our country and the fight that is being fought every single day. But if I can provide even a little bit of a temporary distraction from all the crazy, well then… that’s what it’s all for. And also because I like it and it’s fun and if I hold the snark in I may just poison myself from the inside, ‘kay?
Until next time,
Man, I’m getting old. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – these award shows on Sunday nights are killing me. I mean it takes a whole day to recover from just watching the show itself (which is minimum three hours, not including pre-show coverage on E! and of course, the two-hour countdown to the pre-show that I also insist on watching as well), and then days to construct a blog post (well it normally doesn’t take days, but I’ve been super distracted this week). Well despite my sleepiness, I couldn’t leave you guys hanging, so here we are: Lindsay’s Look’s official 2017 Grammy Awards fashion recap!
Let’s get one thing out on the table before we get started – obviously the story of the night that goes way beyond fashion (gasp I never knew it was possible) is the whole Adele vs. Beyonce (which I hate to even say, because I’m pretty convinced it’s not a competition between these two ladies themselves) saga that continues to dominate every website I frequent and even ones that I don’t (thank you for your ground-breaking commentary, Barstool Sports). I have my own feelings about the situation, but ultimately I just want to put it out there that I love both artists equally and having to pick who is more deserving of an award over the other feels like musical Sophie’s Choice. If you want to go more in-depth on the show as a whole, my friend Bowen and I actually did a podcast sharing our thoughts on the entire Grammy Awards telecast, which you can listen to here (or our 2016 year in review here and our Golden Globes recap as well).
I’m choosing to focus on style for this post, as I’ve always done on the blog following an award show. So here we go!
I’m going to start off by saying that I had very few overall “best dressed” picks for the evening. Was anyone else as disappointed as I was with the red carpet looks for this particular show? I know that overall the Grammys are a funkier crowd simply because musicians seem to be a little more out there in terms of fashion than the more “serious” acting crowd.
One of the biggest trends of the evening, which as it turns out were the gowns I like the most, were the ones featuring this “boob window” (which I had to learn that expression from a male friend – some fashionista over here). I always like the balance of exposing some parts while keeping others a bit covered up, and let’s face it – the Grammys aren’t particularly known for their modesty when it comes to red carpet style. I love love LOVED the color and sparkle of Carrie Underwood’s dress, but I wanted to rip those stupid sleeves right off her. I feel like if you’re going to do a statement sleeve (which maybe wasn’t necessary with the glitter and the slit and the exposed sternum), it has to be all or nothing – I would have preferred it to be regular or like, a full on ruffle, flamenco dancer style. The shape of this thing looks like something the angel on top of your Christmas tree should be wearing. When I saw Demi Lovato on the carpet, I honestly had to do a double take – from certain angles she could easily have been mistaken for a Kardashian. I actually really enjoyed her departure from last year’s look, which was quite mature for her and perhaps a bit harsh. Her makeup is gorgeous and the color of that dress looks amazing on her skin tone. The one thing I will say is I think the hair is just a smidge too long. I think a few inches off the bottom would have been a lot fresher and would have shown off her dress a bit more (also, the sparkly jumpsuit during her performance? Ah-mazing). Jennifer Lopez can’t help but put it all out there it seems, and with that body I mean, why the hell not? But is anyone else sick of the Jolie leg pose from her? I’m definitely getting there. Again, just a little more hair than I would like to see, especially when it’s almost conflicting with the giant tulle flower she’s got over her shoulder. I know some people didn’t love this look, but I thought it was sort of amazing. The color is divine on her skin tone and the giant appendage reminds me of a Carrie Bradshaw throwback. It’s everything I didn’t know I needed in a gown. One that I was surprised to see that I enjoyed was Faith Hill, as she’s definitely been towing the line of good taste over the last few years. I have always loved red on the red carpet and the fit is just perfection.
This group is another where I like the looks mostly, but then there’s something that just throws them off for me. I kind of surprised myself by liking Solange‘s number (a metallic version of what my mother would call “inside out caterpillar guts” green) because I think it actually really works for her. There’s approximately twelve people in the world that can pull off that color, and she is one of them. The only thing I’m not totally vibing on is that arm/back ruffle. I just think it’s too much with the color and the pleating. I feel like she is about to be eaten by a giant cupcake wrapper. I think as far as dresses go, Giuliana Rancic looks fine, but girl looks like she’s headed to her springtime bridal shower or something. I’m not saying you can’t rock a short dress at the Grammys, but this white lacy number seems too sweet for what is known as the most outlandish red carpet of the season. The look on Maren Morris’ face says everything I feel about this dress: pretty, but scared. Like be careful if a big gust of wind comes along and blows that crotch panel square up in your face! I mean that is a weird curtain, right? When she walked up on stage to accept her award, she kept picking it up and trying to move it to one side or another, and after realizing she couldn’t, she kind of just held it in front of her. I like the overall concept but I don’t think a real skirt would have hurt anyone here. And finally, Adele. Goddess of the evening, in a color that is apparently now referred to as “Adele green” because it just looks that good on her that none of us are allowed to wear it. Again, not an easy color to wear for most, but it just works for her. And I’m sorry, but has her hair and makeup ever looked better? (The answer is no in case you haven’t figured it out yet.) I’m not going to lie though, I don’t love the criss cross pattern on the bodice. It reminds me of those seatbelt purses that kind of had a moment in what, the early 2000s? I don’t think it’s flattering and like others at the Grammys that evening, it’s unnecessary. There’s like four different materials going on in this thing and all of them are going every which way. My poor eyes don’t know where they’re supposed to look.
It just goes to show you there is no such thing anymore as a little black dress. Chrissy Teigen looked super cool in this kind of gothic gown, although it sort of confuses me as to how she actually got into it. I’m not a super fan of the sort of wet hair style – in fact it actually kind of reminds me of the “before” look in her TRESemmé commercial. Lady Gaga… I mean, what is there to say, really. Would you believe me if I said I didn’t hate this on her? Like only Gaga could make this work. Let us remind ourselves, exactly a week ago she was being lowered in the the Super Bowl stadium wearing nothing but glittery panties and bedazzled football pads. At the Grammys she was performing a Metallica song… with Metallica. When you think about it that way, this outfit actually makes perfect sense. I have a soft spot for a girl that commits to a theme. On the opposite end we have Kristin Cavallari, who was on-hand to host the pre-pre show which basically consisted of the easiest celebrity parlor games I have ever seen (and trust me, I watched all two hours in its entirety), in what is possibly the most boring gown I have ever seen, in spite of the fact that it’s basically cut down to her navel. I was actually a little concerned seeing her. Maybe it’s just been a while, but I thought she looked very gaunt on television (so I can only imagine how she looks in real life). She’s also a victim of what I think is recent epidemic: over-contouring (which could also explain why her facial structure looks so different). There is a LOT of bronzer happening here. I’m going to call this the Kardashian effect and suggest that we start to tone it down a bit, ladies. To me, she’s looks like she’s in need of both sides of a Ponds wife and a Clarisonic Mia stat. The always lovely Laverne Cox was kind of feeling the rocker vibe too, and while I think she’s gorgeous and can wear everything, I’m partial to her glowing goddess look versus hardcore liner and a tight pony. But again, definitely on theme with the evening (and she got to meet Beyonce so she’s probably going to be wearing this outfit every day for the rest of her life).
I’m just not sure about this group. I don’t immediately hate everything that everyone is wearing, but there’s just something about all of these looks that just isn’t quite right. Katharine McPhee looks like she’s going to a company party or something. Like that is seriously one of the most boring Grammys outfits I have ever seen. I was pleasantly surprised to see Charlie XCX class it up a little bit – as much as I love her kind of crazy style, I was also shocked at how beautiful she is when she’s not wearing like, lingerie as clothing. I just wish the fabric of this dress didn’t so closely resemble a tablecloth (although this color does look gorg on her) and the draping in the front gives me the sads. With Paris Jackson I don’t quite know where to look. First of all, how odd that her dress and the top half of Katharine McPhee’s are so similar?! Secondly, these criss-cross rainbow panels hanging every which way make me worried about a potential wardrobe malfunction. I do LOVE that little geometric clutch though. And Lea Michele… I swear she showed up on the Grammy red carpet still wearing Hester’s back brace from season one of Scream Queens. I think the dress itself is very pretty, but between the crop top and the very thick collar (can you have both a halter and a turtleneck at the same time?), there is just something about this that is not working. Also she made that Wednesday Addams face the entire time on the red carpet. I can’t look at this picture for too long without having nightmares. And she’s another one I want to add to my too much bronzer/contouring club. I thought her cheeks looked like they were stained with actual dirt. Less is more, girl!
Sigh. Ladies, what do we have here? A hot mess (minus the hot), that’s what. I was shocked to see Elle King show up in something so overly girly, with a hideous matching flower crown and all. I mean, she’s normally so bad-ass. And this isn’t even like, a good girly dress, like Gwyneth’s Oscar gown of 1999, this is like a convenience store brand princess Halloween costume. Given that she was high for the entirety of the Grammy red carpet this kind of makes sense – at least there’s a reason for that dopey look on her face. Maybe that explains the dress choice too. I am actually kind of offended by Taraji P. Henson because usually she is so on point with her style, I just cannot believe she showed up at the Grammy Awards in this Bat Mitzvah dress. Seriously – this dress is made for a wealthy teenager that just got back from space camp. It is too short, too tight, and has more flair then a denim jacket on a member of the Brat Pack. Tori Kelly is literally drowning in what I can only imagine is twenty-five pounds of jungle green jersey knit ruffles. She’s gotta be, what – 5’2? She should only be wearing this dress barefoot on vacation in Cancun, not on the Grammy red carpet. And of course, Heidi Klum showed up wearing basically a shirt, which is sort of fine because her legs are so damn amazing, but then it’s also like hey girl – where are your pants?! Seriously, I’m bored with this sort of thing from her. It is the GRAMMY Awards! Nothing is shocking anymore! At this point wearing something that short just seems like she is trying really, really hard. And she doesn’t have to, she’s a GD Angel (both literally and figuratively).
And this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The worst of the worst of the 2017 Grammy Awards red carpet. It had to be someone… I just was really hoping it wasn’t Katy Perry. We’ve been waiting for so long for her to come back on the scene with some new music, and then the first time we see her she’s gunning for a role as the feather duster in the new Beauty and the Beast. Actually, you know what? I’m not hating on the feathers. I don’t mind a fun twist on an award show outfit. I do mind however, when it’s the same shade as a paper bag. Seriously, this is one of the worst colors to put on a human being. Everything about this dress fits incorrectly and it’s doing not one favor for Ms. Perry’s rockin’ bod. And I’m sorry, I know she’s a hair color chameleon but I hate the blonde hair on her. It’s just not how I see my Katy Kat. Celine Dion is a treasure of the world, but here she looks more like a present. A really hideous, cheesy Christmas present. C’mon, the only time a dress like this is acceptable is on the annual holiday Barbie. Plus Celine is all about the hair! I miss that big, voluminous mane of hers. I know Halsey is not like your everyday pop princess, so she’s not going to show up in anything expected or girly. However I do wish that she had just worn actual clothes. Wasn’t the pajama thing like coming and going three years ago? And hello, if you are going to wear a silk pj set on the Grammy Awards red carpet, do us all a favor and give them a quick steam first? And capping it off in what I can only describe as an audition to be the fourth Sanderson sister in a Hocus Pocus remake… Rihanna. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Remember her red Alaia number a few years ago? Gone. Gone are those days of glamour, replaced by an orange chest plate and a poofy ruffled skirt that even Scarlett O’Hara wouldn’t be caught dead in. This ensemble would drive me to drink too.
Another one down, and you know what that means… in just ONE WEEK the mother of all red carpets – the Oscars!
And remember, if waiting week for a blog post is too long for you, make sure to follow along in real time on the night of over on my Facebook page, Twitter, and depending on how much I decide to annoy my husband, Snapchat.
All photos via E! Online.
Have you recovered yet from the Grammys last night? Between sitting on the edge of my seat during the red carpet anticipating a potential Kanye/T Swift throwdown and the crushing blow of Adele not nailing every single note (but of course, still sounding ten thousand times better than every other artist that performed), combined with lack of sleep (an award show that goes until 11:30 PM on a Monday night? I can’t) and I’m definitely feeling something similar to a hangover today. Not to mention a total snoozefest of ensembles for what should be one of the most entertaining fashion evenings of the year. Everyone always talks about the Grammys as one of the few big award shows where it’s okay to go a little out there. Which somehow still resulted this year in… black. So much black. Seriously, people? That’s the best you can do? Oh, nevermind, there’s a slit up to your pelvic bone. How innovative!
Also, despite the fact that I started watching the preshow the second I got home from work (because again, it was a MONDAY and some of us can’t tune into your pre-pre-preshow at 4 PM, okay E?), when I went searching for arrival photos, I felt like there was a much smaller pool than usual of big-name stars to choose from. There’s also a lot of crazy people that no one has ever heard of but get an immediate bump in their Google searches from showing up in the craziest thing they can try to pass off as clothing (I hate to break it to you, but this is not a dress). When I was putting together my collages I was shocked at how few photos I actually came up with. And let’s be totally upfront: there was no one that I was so enamored by as to declare a “best dressed.” It’s a scary time we’re living in, people. Scary times.
So of everyone that made an appearance last night, this group is probably the ones that could be considered the most wearable (and colorful – praise Beyonce). Selena Gomez looked beautiful, but I couldn’t help but feel that this dress has been done time and time again, mainly by Sofia Vergara and the last ten years of Miss USA contestants. And I know Selena is hocking Pantene nowadays but I thought there was a bit too much hair happening in the back. Ariana Grande took what could have been a really elegant dress (in my favorite shade) and completely cheapened it with faux buttons on the corset (because…why?) and a really poorly-constructed cup situation. And that damn ponytail is back. Just when we thought she was starting to grow up a little… I think I really like Tori Kelly and this is a fantastic color on her, but I have to wonder – her stylist can see her, right? Why would this dress have not been altered? You could have chopped a foot off the bottom easily and it would probably propel her to best dressed, no problem. She’s like 5’4, and this dress is literally enveloping her (I also thought she should have won Best New Artist, but I guess it just wasn’t her night in more ways than one). I know a lot of people are declaring Taylor Swift to be the fiercest of them all, but I’m kind of on the fence about this. Don’t get me wrong, I love the color blocking (this being one of my favorite outfits ever) but I’m not crazy about the execution. It is a very small top relative to the skirt, which I think makes the red-orange color a little too jarring to look like it’s intentional. I think if you’re going to do it, the fabrics need to be identical or similar, and the skirt is so shiny in comparison. And I’m sorry, but I hate the giant granny underwear. I just don’t think the slit needs to be that high. Also I can’t think of anything less rock and roll than that haircut. I miss these days. I don’t really know much about Kacey Musgraves but I get the sense she’s not afraid of trying new looks, which I appreciate. Unfortunately, they’ve looked like this in the past. Which is why this year, I’m giving her the most improved award. She’s got a busy dress on, so keeping the hair simple was a welcome change for her, and I like the pop of color with her lipstick. I would have liked to see just one piece of jewelry. The decolletage area is just screaming for a (little) bling.
This is one group that is just giving me the sads all over. I like all of them, and I want to like their fashion choices… but alas, ’twas not meant to be. Carrie Underwood has done the Grammys so many times, I would have thought she had this one in the bag (remember the cape?!) She looks like the oldest and snootiest lady on the carpet. I just think this is way too formal for an event like this. Between the gown and the jewels and the hair, she looks like an extra in the party scene of The American President. Speaking of classy ladies, Adele phoned it in with a boring black number (with sleeves, ugh) that does nothing for her fantastic figure. Like, where is her waist? I know she has one! I will say, I was thoroughly digging the fresh and choppy ‘do. It was so nice not to see her with a perfectly coiffed bouffant. I don’t know what Anna Kendrick is wearing, but I’m utterly heartbroken about it because she is one of my absolute favorite people in Hollywood. She has such a fun personality – why is she stifling it into this late ’90s prom dress? Girl should just let Kate Spade dress her all the time.
I don’t usually count “white” as a color variety at award shows but given how little actual color there was this evening, I’ll take what I can get! I love what Chrissy Teigen is wearing here (even though it’s a little bit of a Kim Kardashian kopycat), in fact, I think her overall style is way better preggo than not. It doesn’t hurt that she’s just a genetically blessed human being and doesn’t take herself too seriously. This is probably the first time I’ve seen Ellie Goulding and thought that she looked glamorous. She’s kind of working the “this is actually just a really fancy nightgown” look, but then you see the back and there’s like this insane metal accent that brought a little edge to what could have been a very girly look. Plus her hair + makeup? Perfection. I actually don’t hate Kaley Cuoco‘s white jumpsuit, in fact, this is the type of outfit that works at the Grammys (and only at the Grammys). Plus if I had her abs I would work them into every outfit all the time. I think the messy hair is good for this as well. Sometimes she just looks like she hasn’t discovered dry shampoo yet. Florence Welch is basically wearing an adult version of nightgown that any ’90s girl in her Sailor Moon phase would have coveted. I’m not saying I like it, I’m just saying… it’s a break from all of the black, if nothing else.
I mean, I guess you can’t say that these dresses are boring. So if that’s what they’re going for, they’ve succeeded. I know that Bella Hadid is a fashion golden child (I prefer Gigi myself), but I just think she always looks angry/tired/hungry. And in this, she looks cold too. It’s just like an Elvira costume, minus about two yards of fabric. Ciara‘s dress just make me nervous. I have a fear that some prankster is going to reach over and undo that tiny strip of fabric that is holding this whole business together. I sometimes feel like these award shows are providing an acceptable forum for celebs to try and out-slit each other. Forget Angelina’s leg – we’re showing full-fledged pelvic bone up in here. Like where else is there to go? Can we just declare Ciara to be some sort of winner and bring the hemlines back down a smidge (like seriously, it’s just not that interesting anymore). Vanessa Lachey seems to have gone the negative fabric route horizontally instead of vertically, but to me, it really just looks like she accidentally pulled one of her “night out” tops from her closet instead of the dress she intended to reach for. First of all, I cannot believe she is even there. Sure, she is married to a singer, but when was the last time you found yourself hearing a Nick Lachey tune? (If it’s anywhere than on Muzak in a coffee shop somewhere, then I don’t even know you anymore).
Okay, so there’s boring black dresses and then there’s just BAD black dresses. I’m always really sad when newbies come to the Grammys and just bite it before they’ve even had a chance to really try. Elle King, you are one of those people. I just want to say I think she is a cool-ass chick, which is why I’m shocked that she went with this aging lounge singer number. The fringe details are horribly placed, culminating with a hem that is a full foot too long for her petite frame. And I know it’s her first time, but can we get Miss Jay up in here for a five minute posing lesson? I actually felt sorry for Meghan Trainor when she won Best New Artist that night because I could not believe that she looked like a forty-five year old woman the night she won her Grammy. Again, what is with these sassy ladies and their inability to showcase their personalities through their clothing? I liked her better when she had those stupid pieces of tulle tied to her head, at least she looked like she was having a good time. Between the dress and the blah hair color (I appreciate the fresh chop though, because those extensions were looking haggard before this) this is just one big bore with a capital B. Now Janelle Monáe actually does have a personality, unfortunately it is not the bellhop/matador/inmate that she seems to be representing here. I miss the suits! Where’s a good cumberbund when you need it? Finally, Tove Lo‘s dress didn’t surprise me since she pretty much looks like this… always, but it’s the Grammys, and this is underwear. Not even like, sexy underwear, but like under your full length funeral gown granny underwear, with a bad shoe.
Okay, I’m not quite sure what to do with these ladies, but they didn’t fit with any of the others so they go together (like rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong). The common denominator? Menswear-inspired suits. I know people LOVE Zendaya as like the poster girl for mixing it up and taking fashion risks, but I actually wish she had pushed the boundaries a little further with this. Sure, she’s rocking a mullet in 2016 (if that doesn’t scream “risk” than I don’t know what does), but she’s also got on a very high cut suit jacket with a button up shirt done practically all the way to her throat. I think she looks rather uncomfortable and restricted, and not particularly rock and/or roll. I like the idea of the suit, but this could have easily been done a little cuter. I don’t even feel like there’s anything to say about Lady Gaga. I mean, we get it. We know what you’re doing. Pod people in space know what you’re doing. I am just surprised that everything was so… literal. From the suit to the hair to the performance, it was just like DO YOU GET IT? I’M DAVID BOWIE!!! She gets a pass on this one, but then we’re going to have to send this one to the Haus of Gaga archives, ‘kay? And last but not least, Demi Lovato. Girl BLEW me away with her performance that night (no matter how dumb I thought a Lionel Richie tribute was… lest we forget, he’s still alive). This outfit is kind of everything Zendaya’s isn’t. It’s sexy and there’s lots of accessories, but I don’t know that I’m sold on it yet. It’s a really mature look for her, I might have almost preferred it to be like shorts or something? I swear I had a less slutty version of that skirt for my high school chorus concerts. When I looked at her, all I could think about was this. I also could have done without the extensions – I think her short choppy ‘do is so much cooler and edgier, which this ensemble could have used.
So what did you think overall? Did it seem like there weren’t that many outfits to critique? (Do you think that means they’re onto us?) Truthfully, I was a bit disappointed, but look on the bright side – this means the Oscars are less than two weeks away. Eeeeeeeeeeeee! That is me squealing, in digital form.
Photos: E Online
And we’re back! I know that these recaps can be a lot to handle, so it seemed best to take a little breather in between (you can catch up on Part 1 here). But now I’m ready to dive in full force and recap the heck out of the rest of the 2016 Golden Globes, so here we go!
I’m always down for a little sparkle at these events, but just because you’re shining bright like a diamond doesn’t mean you necessarily have earned a spot in the GG hall of fame. I liked the texture of Brie Larson‘s dress, but the fit was so far off it looked like she was the hanger and the dress was wearing her. It like almost crossed the line of pageantry, but at least a Miss USA contestant would have better posture. When I first saw Regina King‘s dress on television, I thought it was kind of fabulous. Then I saw it in photos. Holy King Triton’s half-mermaid wife. Also she took the whole “capes are in” thing way too literally and actually sported a superhero-style accessory that was just flapping around in the back. Anything that requires ridiculous posing on the red carpet is too much for me. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is pretty much a living and breathing statuette anyways, and in this bronze number she basically upstaged Miss Golden Globe (also the award itself). I just wish the bodice was fitted, or at least fitted enough not to leave that extra flap above the waistband. Not like she really needs help looking any more flawless.
I know it technically never goes out of style, but I am never excited about all black or mostly black ensembles on the red carpet. I just think there’s so many times in your life where it is more appropriate to dress like this, so why not have a little more fun, especially at such a boozy and relaxed event like the Globes (I mean, in comparison with the Oscars and stuff)? If you told me that Julie Louis-Dreyfus pulls this exact same dress out of her closet once a year for this event I wouldn’t fight you on it. It’s like oh my god, black lace – how revolutionary. I am unsure if that’s actually a navy sash (which still doesn’t really make it any more exciting) because the clutch seems to have that tone as well. If it is, I don’t really understand why, and if it’s not… well then it’s just off I guess? I can’t believe I even cared that much to question it. Lady Gaga has really been working the (ugh I cringe even saying this) “old Hollywood glamour” thing and frankly I’m surprised she did so wearing another black dress. I’m glad it at least has an interesting element to it with the extra shape at the hips (also way to make your waist look teeny-tiny). I will say I don’t think it’s the best her face has ever looked, there was something about her makeup that just kind of bugged me. I think she could have looked a little softer to compliment the Marilyn hair and the velvety dress. Amy Schumer gets my “slightly” improved award after showing up at the Emmys last year with unbrushed hair and spilling out of a gown with an ill-fitting top. I just never understand why people with so much personality dress like this. Like she is so fun and interesting, and yet she somehow thought it was a good idea to nab this clearance Jessica McClintock prom dress circa 2002. At least it had pockets, I will give her that. I honestly forgot Sophia Bush was a person until I saw her, which is fine, because this ensemble was completely un-rememberable. That dress looked like it could have been made out of jersey or something – I thought it was a maxi dress that she tried to pass off as formal wear by throwing on a necklace that’s worth more than my college education. The most frustrating part had to be her stubby baby ponytail in the back. I’m not knocking the short hair – in fact my ponytail looks very similar right now – but it is not formal event hair. You can throw on as many diamond chokers as you want, it still looks like you’re going to the gym.
If blue was the big color of the night, emerald was like its “should you not be able to fulfill your duties” first runner up. There were only a few gowns, but with such a bold shade, even just two celebs wearing the same hue looks like a trend (not to mention, all of the jade-colored jewelry). Jada Pinkett-Smith looked nice in this flowing green number – I liked that it was a little out of character for her and not so structured. However I don’t think those extra shoulder flaps were at all necessary (it borders on costume-y) and matching shoes are like the the least fashion-forward thing that has ever happened. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were Dyeables (shudder). Heidi Klum has been showing up on red carpets looking all kinds of crazy lately (remember the Big Bird/ice capade number from the Emmys?), but I actually thought this fun fringe wasn’t all that bad on her. It definitely added a little extra weight kind of all over and the band placement was possibly a little off, but I don’t hate it. Now her hair, on the other hand… I sort of didn’t know who Jaimie Alexander was (definitely thought she was the woman from Outlander at first) until I realized she’s the girl in the bag with the tattoos (if you watched NBC from July to October for even five minutes, you know what I’m talking about). She definitely made an impression in this very dramatic gown, but the damsel-in-distress pose that is meant to strategically show off her billion dollar ring was just too damn much. You are not going to get a nomination for best dramatic entrance on the red carpet, so just cool your jets, okay? I personally found the pattern a little distracting, but she has a small enough chest that she could get away with that plunging V and the color overall worked with her pale skin and jet black hair.
I know that Bryce Dallas Howard is now supposed to be regarded as a champion of women everywhere for speaking out agains the unfair standards of the fashion industry when it comes to their itsy bitsy sample sizing, but I’m sorry – this dress itself was nothing to write home about. I thought the shiny texture was interesting but the lace coverup took it straight past her age bracket and right into Mirren territory (who is fabulous, but also, seventy). Also lest we remind ourselves that girlfriend still walked into Neiman’s and dropped $4800 on a dress, so it’s not like she exactly a spokesperson for the everywoman. I always want so much more for Melissa McCarthy, but this ensemble was so shiny and trash-bag like (and with such bad sleeves! ugggghhh), it’s like, what hope can we have for her?! Counterpoint: her hair and makeup were flawless. I dare say I don’t think her hair has ever looked better. So there, I said something nice. Kate Winslet looked pretty, but let’s be real – she has worn this at least six other times already, amirite? If you saw her face when she won the award, you could tell that she did not see this one coming. I think she was trying to fly under the radar this year because she can’t step within a twenty-mile radius of Leonardo DiCaprio without people losing their minds, and she thought “I’ll just wear this safe, simple navy number and crouch behind Harvey Weinstein, nbd.” Sorry, sister. You won, and then we all had to suffer through your weird side bun thing together (which I will refer to moving forward as a “hair tumor”). Julianne Moore is another one that I felt like people were sucking up to last year because she was so clearly going to win that everyone had to pretend that everything she wore was the word and those who dare to argue against it were cast into an eternal hell of polyster and fluorescent lighting (no? Just me?). Well I thought her style was just so-so last year and I stand by it in 2016. She looked like one of those Avatar cat people out for a night on the town. And I’m sorry, but she and Kate Hudson can take those choker things and give them the heave ho back to 1992 where they belong.
Ugh more black. At least they tried, what with all the cleavage and sparkles and stuff. I was totally sad about Uzo Aduba‘s sparkly yet drab frock (who even knew that was possible?). It actually reminded me of the number that Whoopi wears in Sister Act when she returns to the stage as a jazzy nun. The sleeves were nothing short of awful and I actually missed the days when she wore a million tiny buns on her head and you could see her face. You’re better than this, Crazy Eyes! As for Rachel McAdams, all I’m saying is if I knew my super-hot ex who now has a baby with another woman was going to be seated so close to me in the same room, I would have made more of an effort to rub in how hot I obviously still was as well. Giant old lady flowers doesn’t really do the trick (but then again, he did love her even when she wore pink streaks in her hair and and a mini dress on the red carpet). My point is she is young and gorgeous and this is just way to old for her. Kirsten Dunst and her… globes were totally out to play on Sunday night, and I’m still not sure how I feel about this one. She was definitely channeling her Interview with a Vampire days with the super-pale skin and black velvet, but also reminded us that she is way grown up and also, would you like to see her breasts? I know that there were a lot of plunging necklines that evening, but they were all on super flat-chested women which I think is what keeps it from almost looking…dare I say, vulgar? Also those little strappies were certainly not pulling their weight, pretending like they were being all supportive. I’m on to you. When I woke up yesterday morning and was compiling my event photos, I actually thought to myself that there was no trace of Taylor Schilling. Well the joke was on me, because she was there and she looked a mess. I am all for menswear on women, but it’s such a tricky thing that the tailoring has to be impeccable. The pant length was wrong, the jacket looked like she borrowed it from her dad (if her dad was Liberace), and her hair looked dirty and not in a cool, edgy way.
I don’t know if white is considered a “trend” or if it’s just a color that goes with everything so every year, without fail, it shows up in droves on the red carpet. All day, all anyone talked about was the new “it” girl Alicia Vikander and how she’s probably going to win the Oscar (depending on what category she’s nominated in) and how she’s having such a moment right now and that everyone wants to dress her. Well I don’t know who came up with this white pinafore-looking thing, but I know that Samantha Parkington’s birthday dress is incomplete without it. You can’t tell in this photo, but she was straddling the line of appropriate side boob coverage all night. This dress is meant for a super formal (and super boring) garden party, not your first major red carpet event. Eva Longoria is working every angle she can right now promoting her new NBC sitcom, and I think that hustling continued right into her Globes gown. Unfortunately for her, like a telenovela, there was a lot going on and it was all distracting. Like why does there need to be two bows? And what woman (no matter how tiny) wants all that attention on the hip area? (Bonus points for the best damn smoky eyes I’ve ever seen.) Taraji P. Henson went the total opposite route with something simple I was actually worried that the spirit of Cookie had left her body… that is, until I saw her posing. I think even Tyra would agree that there is almost too much smizing happening here. Like she is bringing it so hard and trying to be so fierce that she almost looks kind of crazy, no? Her choppy bob is giving me life, tho. Saoirse Ronan is another young ingenue who did the red carpet thing already at the same time as navigating puberty, so by age twenty-one she’s already the epitome of class and grace at an event like this. I don’t think there was technically anything awe-inspiring about it, but you know she’s not going to end up on any worst-dressed lists. Another one who might need a Miss Jay lesson in posing is Lily James. It almost looked as if the gathered sheer panels were pulling her shoulders in awkward directions. Theoretically, she looks good, although I think she was actually wearing too much makeup when the rest of her look was so soft (and what are we calling that hair color, I mean, really?).
Another mini-trending color of the evening was merlot, which sometimes I think can be a nice alternative to a vibrant red (but can also tend to skew a little old). That’s the main issue I had with Zendaya. I think the dress was architecturally stunning but way too mature for her (and also, ill-fitting – I kept hoping a tailor would pop out of the shadows to nip in her entire right side immediately). I could see this on a Diane Kreuger or someone equally fashion-minded. Amber Heard sported a more subdued shade but looked no less serious about… well everything, like a doll that will be trapped in that pose for all eternity. That dress looked like it used to be white and then she fell in the grape stomping bin in an I Love Lucy episode. At least it fanned out nicely. Finally, Olivia Wilde had the whole “right color, wrong execution” thing going on in this slinky number. I don’t know what it is about this dress, I just cannot put my finger on it. It’s a little Vegas lounge singer-esque, and I thought the choker was absolutely terrible and completely wrong with the neckline of the dress. Plus her boyfriend was wearing sneakers so I immediately deducted points from her for her support of that decision.
So who were your favorites? Sound off in the comments, and please: don’t hold back. You know I never do.
All photos courtesy of PopSugar.
Welcome back, party people! Anyone else feel like the Golden Globes were perfectly-timed this year? It took me pretty much all of last week to get back on track after being away for the holidays, and having an award show to look forward to on Sunday night kept me on target for unpacking, getting organized, and coming back to the blog just in time for award season to pick up. It was my first-time ever hosting a small gathering at my place to watch the festivities, which many of you know is not normally how I spend my award show evenings.
I was a little stressed about trying to get our apartment ready for human occupancy (we moved in finally in November but have been taking our sweet time putting everything together), keeping up with my live Facebook and Twitter updates, and of course, enjoying the actual show itself. Thankfully, I had my number one live-in personal chef to help me, and in just one day we organized our lives (i.e. strategically hid all of our crap) and put together a party platter that rivals whatever Wolfgang Puck prepared for the drunkards at the Globes.
Award show essentials: Laptop, festive cocktail napkins, paper straws, and of course, mini bubbles.
Steve offered to put together a charcuterie platter for our friends, which despite all of his actual cooking abilities, is one of my favorite “meals” that he does.
I mean, c’mon.
But enough about that, let’s get to the really good stuff! (And I’m not just talking about cheese.) Fashion!
As usual, we start with the best.
Anyone else see midnight blue coming? Cause I sure didn’t. This shade just screams evening glamour, and these ladies did it right. Viola Davis looked like a starry, starry night in this gorgeous and age appropriate (she rocked some sleeves but a little cleavage kept the top from looking dowdy). I loved how the jewels faded from the bodice down the length of the dress. Gina Rodriguez was the first celeb I saw hit the carpet, and it was obvious that as last year’s surprise winner she now has her pick of the litter when it comes to stylists, gowns, hair and makeup teams, the works. This is a gown that you could look at in twenty years and it will still stand the test of time. As half of the world’s hottest celebrity couple, Jenna Dewan Tatum absolutely shined (especially next to Channing’s hair, oof). It’s kind of like the younger version of Viola’s gown. I wonder if these two ever ran into each other last night and stared stealthily across the room muttering “bitch stole my look” under their breath. Both of them seem pretty classy, so I’m guessing no, but hey, a girl can dream.
Amy Adams looked so relaxed last night, probably because she didn’t have the worry of being nominated and not winning again (seriously, she is the female Leonardo DiCaprio). She defies the ridiculous stereotype that redheads can’t wear red, in fact I think this is one of the best auburn shades she’s sported in quite some time. Who ever knew that the color of rust could be so flattering? I’m not sure why Kate Bosworth was there but I’m so glad she came to win in the glittery pink number, looking ten times better than most of the people who actually had a purpose for being at the event. I just wish her hair weren’t so severe all the time. She’s so tiny, and she suffers from a self-inflicting bobblehead syndrome constantly with her tightly wound ‘dos. I know that red on the red carpet could be considered overdone at this point, but come on – Emmy Rossum looked flawless. Like so elegant and poised, well beyond her years. And that necklace. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. There was quite a bit of extra fabric there at the bottom, but I’m giving her a complete pass because, hot damn.
I don’t mind repeat outfits if someone knows what works really well for them and sticks with it (with the exception of J.Lo, because by now she has to have cornered the market on nearly naked sparkly illusion dresses). I think Laverne Cox knows she looks bangin’ in white, so she keeps wearing white, and I’m okay with it. Her green accessories were super on-trend as we saw throughout the evening, but if I had to say anything about this look (and you know I have to) then I’m going to ask for a slightly less goth lip. She looked so ethereal and goddess-like and the deep crimson kind of broke it up for me. Malin Ackerman completely surprised me because I saw her on the red carpet for all of four seconds and then I don’t remember ever seeing her again the rest of the evening. This icy pale blue gown made her look like Elsa’s much more sophisticated older sister and I can’t let it go. I would however like to hack off about two feet of fabric from the bottom of that dress that is literally folded in half above her feet. I do not ever understand while celebrities that have money and teams at their fingertips don’t just get their dresses tailored. It’s literally mind-blowing. Speaking of seeing stars, my fashion prayers have finally been answered and in a miraculous feat performed by God himself Jennifer Lopez opted to coverup both her butt and her boobs at the same time. Don’t get me rock, girl is gorgeous and we should carve her some sort of monument so we can celebrate her body every damn day, but frankly, I was beginning to think she was looking a little bit desperate from being so revealing all the time. I think that’s all well and good for performing and things like that, but this look from last night is exactly what I’ve been wanting to see from her. She looked classy, but with a slight edge. That hair was so fresh and the jewels are absolutely on point, full J.Lo glamour-style. The Angelina leg was a little intense and I’m kind of worried about her ankles, but you know that she probably had slit cut even higher because for all we know, she suffers from a yet-unknown condition where as much of her body has to be exposed as possible, or she suffocates and dies. And finally, the Queen (as in Latifah) discovered what is truly the best color she has ever worn. I think she should throw out her entire wardrobe and buy all new clothes only in this color (including pajamas, underwear, sneakers, you name it). I don’t think she’s ever looked better. I have literally nothing else to say because that is just like, it. Done, mic drop, we can all go home now.
Just kidding. There’s more fun to be had here!
I love when people just go for it as far as color is concerned on the red carpet. Life is short! You can wear black dresses for the rest of eternity. If anyone is up for a good time, it’s obviously Jennifer Lawrence. Hollywood’s BFF has to eat, sleep, breathe and crap Dior for the foreseeable future, so we’re only going to see so much variety for her in the next few years. I was glad to see her in something more structured than that bed sheet she rolled around in last year. She was channeling Charlize Theron in a way I think (also a Dior muse, what a coincidence). Everything is very structured and angular, it sort of makes me think this is what people in the 1960s thought humans would be wearing in 2016. I think I liked this outfit overall (the necklace gets all the points) but it’s a tad severe and I would really love to see some schematics of what is going on underneath that flap to keep everything in place, cause Lord knows, she’s a tripper. I don’t know if Jennifer Lopez is pissed that America Ferrera is in almost the same shade of mustard that she is (because what are the odds that like all two of the three Latina actresses at this thing would show up in the same color?) but I hate to say… I think J.Lo wins this one. America looked pretty and all, but her top was lacking in structure and her hair was real boring. Another dullish hairdo belonged to Joanne Froggatt, but her muted lavender gown may have made up for it by being the only shade of it’s kind on the carpet that evening. I’m not crazy about those “we’re not even pretending to hide this” illusion panels, but in general she looked pretty and floaty and British so we’ll call this one a win.
I know that “rose quartz” is one of the Pantone colors of the year for 2016, but just because a color is in, doesn’t mean that everyone deserves to wear it. It’s a tough shade, and I don’t think these particular hues did these ladies any favors last night. Leslie Mann was killing me from head-to-toe in the worst way. If it wasn’t the too-big top, then it was the seaweed-looking doodads traveling south of her waist. Let’s not forget another hideous choker (seriously… why so many that evening?). I have gotten into actual arguments with people in the past about Cate Blanchett, because I think I may be the only person in the world that just does not care about her. I get that she’s never going to show up looking like Beyonce or something, and that she’s all about wearable art or whatever, but c’mon: this was a dress made out of pink hair, am I right? Like I thought it was fringe but the more I saw it move on television, I’m thinking that there is a bald unicorn running around somewhere. Katy Perry surprised me in more ways than one. Not only does she literally have no reason to be there, but she was seated at the front table last night. We’re talking miles beyond Leo and J.Law and actual actors from television and movies. I heard she got a new stylist for this event and was all excited about trying something new. I hate to say it, but I miss the days when she wore beach ball bikini tops and her date was Left Shark. She looked like a cross between a Fem-bot from Austin Powers and Elvira of Halloween beer commercial fame. And don’t get me started on the Bump-It. I think the “least improved” award had to go to Kate Hudson. She has looked flawless at the last few Golden Globes ceremonies (her white cage dress last year was basically a feat of architectural genius), so for her to show up in this was beyond a disappointment. Actually, I was kind of outraged. Like, how could you do this to us? How could you wear a sequined peach racer-back dress complete with a choker, crop top and skirt that are secretly connected? Don’t you love us, Kate? Do you want us to be happy?!
I think the entire fashion industry and every Pinterest user let out a collective gasp when they saw this hideous art project that Olivia Palermo showed up in. Fashionistas everywhere were personally offended that their icon had fallen so far from grace. For starters, she looks as wide as a house, which is the complete opposite of everything about her body in real life. Also this has to be one of the worst color combinations that has ever existed. Throw in a bad choker and you have one steaming pile of ick. Jane Fonda reminded me of one of those scary porcelain clowns that you get as a gift from your great aunt and even though it terrified you, your mom made you keep it on a shelf in your bedroom until you were sixteen years old. If I have to say something nice… well whatever was underneath the four layers of toilet paper fit very well. Also her earrings were bomb. Natalie Dormer thoroughly disappointed me because I think of her as being kind of cool and edgy and this dress was neither of those things. The dress was actually kind of marmy on it’s own (I could see a much older woman wearing it) but then they added this weird bracket and it looked like she was wearing an old-school bedazzled back brace. Does anyone else think that Rooney Mara and Debbie Downer are long lost siblings? I just imagine being at a party and everyone is having a good time and then Rooney walks in and it goes silent, like the fun has just been sucked out of the room. This is literally a shredded nude bodystocking. It’s a more formal version of Kanye’s garbage Adidas “line” that was comprised solely of undergarments. You can’t see it in this photo, but the live footage of her getting out of the limo with a giant mohawk braid on the back of her head just about killed me.
This may be all of the excitement I can handle for tonight. Tune in tomorrow when we continue with the fashion f yeahs and the faux pas of the 2016 Golden Globes! Until then,
All photos courtesy of PopSugar.
Guys, we made it. After a particularly long and not overly exciting awards season (seriously, someone born and raised in Antartica could have predicted the winners this year), we finally got to the grand finale: the Academy Awards.
Let me start out by saying I was pleasantly surprised by the overall showing of fashion on this year’s red carpet. I’m serious. After a kind of lackluster Golden Globes and a rather ridiculous (but also boring) Grammys, I didn’t know what to expect. Don’t get me wrong, there was still a slight degree of fug we need to discuss, but let’s start with the good stuff (literally):
Ding ding ding, ladies – you are the winners. First off, I have to give it to my girl Reese Witherspoon once again for totally knocking it out of the park. Dare I say she looks better than the year she actually won her Oscar? How is it even possible to have a dress that smooth – is the fabric infused with butter or something? Reminder – Tom Ford dresses one woman for the oscars. ONE. I will admit, I’m a little surprised she did the vintage Barbie black and white thing again, and I still think her sparkly number at the Globes is her best yet, but this dress is gorg on her and will never be looked back on as a fashion misstep. I’m kind of wondering how she moved her arms all night, though (I guess that’s what the help is for). I also loved Rosamund Pike‘s vibrant red strapless gown. She’s a tricky one – she’s kind of always hit or miss. Well darling, this is undoubtedly a hit. It’s textured but not tablecloth-y, the slight is just high enough but not offensive, and the hair is just slightly undone but not messy. She’s even making me believe in matchy matchy shoes again. Are Dyeables still a thing? I think Anna Faris looks like a sweet little sparkle fairy in this silver number. I just can’t get over how much her style has evolved, remember, this is the same girl from the Scary Movie films. I’m a believer that a little (good) glitz is always appropriate on the red carpet, and you can’t really go wrong with a dress like this, especially your first time at the Oscars. Finally, I have to bow down to Zoe Saldana. I don’t think she has ever looked better, and she had twins like five months ago. I think her body actually looks better now that she’s got a little curve to her, and with that gorgeous hair and the way the folds of her dress just drape across her, she just looks so soft. And major props for that color, that is not an easy one to wear. I, for example, would look like a walking Band-Aid.
I’m going to consider these ladies my first-runners up, because seriously. I know Anna Kendrick‘s dress is pretty simple, but I think the color is fantastic on her and I appreciate the built in sparkle – no jewelry necessary. I think the cutout is super appropriate because without it, this dress could skew a little Helen Mirren (not that she wouldn’t look amazing, we’ve all seen her bikini photos). Also I’m dying that she’s wearing a shade of peach, which my husband predicted early on would be the “it” color of the night. Another “never looked better” case is Kelly Osborne. Seriously, that dress is per-fect-ion. She reminds me of a really formal flamenco dancer in the best way. I love that she can be kind of zany with patterns and the hair on a regular basis and then girl just turns it out when it matters most. Rita Ora is another one that is normally kinda kooky with her style, and then she shows up looking like a beautiful screen siren (despite the shortest role ever in 50 Shades of Grey… so I’ve heard). I love that she was wearing a color that basically no one else was wearing that night, and the hint of gold brocade added a little something-something to make it more special than your average mermaid dress.
Uh, these dresses. How they conflict me so. I’m usually a more love it/hate it kind of fashion commenter. I tend to know right away whether or not I’m grossly offended by something. But these four are making me think twice, and I find myself totally on the fence still. First, Lupita Nyong’o has redeemed herself from that ridiculous purple bathing cap that she wore at the Golden Globes, but I’m not quite sure about this pearl number. I think from a construction standpoint, of course anyone could appreciate the fact that she is literally wearing 6,000 pearls and hasn’t buckled from the weight of it. There’s something to me almost gimmicky about it – like is it only interesting because of what it’s made out of? I mean, it’s a halter dress. I think if the straps were thinner, it would win me over more. It just seems like a lot on her very thin frame. Another skinny minnie that I’m undecided on is Emma Stone. I love the silhouette of this dress and how it hangs on her. I love that she has a super high slight but her arms are covered. I kind of even love the matching shoe (again!). But that color… damn that is just a hard color to wear. When I first saw her, I thought I had to adjust the coloration on my TV. I figured it was gold and I just wasn’t seeing in the right light. But then I saw that it was chartreuse, or the color that my mother affectionally referred to as “inside out caterpillar guts” when I was a kid. Now that’s all I can think of. Gwyneth Paltrow probably shouldn’t ever return to the Oscar red carpet because from now until eternity, every gown she wears will be compared to that white thing with the cape (which contrary to popular opinion, I’m still like ehhh about but people are obsessed with it). So I don’t even know why I sort of like this pale pink dress she wore that seems to be half Carrie Bradshaw, half Little Shop of Horrors. Like that thing is seriously eating her arm, but for some reason, I kind of like it! It is very hard to pull off that shade as a fair blonde woman, but her tan is on pointe and keeps her from blending into the color too much. Also let’s talk about where I can buy the knockoff version of those earrings, because I have a lot of weddings to go to this year, ‘kay thanks. Finally, Behati Prinsloo (or Mrs. Adam Levine for those who aren’t familiar with her work as a Victoria’s Secret model and all around gorgeous human being) apparently wanted to keep the Valentine spirit going with this black and red two piece. I actually like the color combination, but I would have preferred it it was consistent all the way through, instead of being very concentrated on the top and slightly sheer on the bottom. Actually I think I would have preferred for it not to be a two-piece at all. I don’t like the uneven hem at the waist and the unnecessary netting on the bottom half. Also that hair is a little severe (and those DAMN MIDDLE PARTS. Why are they everywhere?!).
Another round of gowns that I am just not quite sure about. I love the color of Dakota Johnson‘s dress and I think it looks really great on her. I don’t appreciate anything that is happening at the top. I just feel like there could have been something built in there that would give her more of a shape. And I hate that stupid ponytail. I don’t care if she’s giving a nod to Anastasia Steele – she is not a real person nor is she attending the Oscars. Like, just get your hair done! Jennifer Lopez is starting to look the same to me the more I see her at award shows. Does anyone remember a time when we didn’t know the exact shape and curve of her breasts? It’s like, we get it. You and your boobs are perfect. Is that all there is? I think it’s a beautiful dress, but I wish it was a slightly brighter shade of nude (this just looks dirty to me) and the pastel pink lipstick is all wrong with the overall golden goddess tone she’s got going on here. Laura Dern may as well be going into battle with this armor-inspired number, although I do think it looks better in photos than it did on the pre-show, where the severity of the bodice made her chest look like a shelf stolen from the Game of Thrones set. In the biggest color twist of the night, Scarlett Johansson arrived in this deep emerald green dress that kind of knocked me off my seat – I mean, has her body ever looked better? Again, had a baby like five months ago. I still don’t know if I like that necklace, and I’m a huge proponent of statement jewelry. I know for sure that the hair is NOT cute. When I first saw her, I thought that Miley Cyrus had really cleaned herself up for a minute. I’m not hating on ladies with short hair, God knows I could never rock such a look. I just wish it was down instead of slicked back, maybe with a deep side part and some killer highlights.
Neutrals have never really been my cup of tea, for some of these ladies, it’s definitely working in their favor. I think Oprah Winfrey‘s dress is a great fit on her, although I kind of hope for a little something more for something as huge as the Academy Awards. How about a big necklace or an embellishment at the waist or something? You’re Oprah, you have a few connections. Jennifer Aniston is one of those celebrities that I think is kind of overrated in the fashion department. I just don’t consider anyone who wears cargo pants to be a style icon. I think she’s just so beautiful that she can basically wear whatever she wants and people fall all over themselves. This year she “mixed it up” since she was working the awards circuit, which just mean that she wore the same boring things, but cut down to her belly button. I actually really like the detailing and the shape of this gown, and I think it compliments her hair and skin tone very well, but the height of the sheer panel over her crotch is just a little too close for comfort. Viola Davis looks nice in this princess kind of gown, but that’s kind of it. Like is there anything else to say? I prefer when she does a bolder color, because she carries it off so well. Kerry Washington is another one that I just expect so much from, and when she’s not completely on point it’s kind of a let down. Again, this dress is nice, but there’s not exactly a ground-breaking fashion moment happening here. Plus the fabric on that skirt reminds me of the knit bedspreads that seem to be at every New England bed & breakfast. I guess beggars can’t be choosers – anything is better than that Marvin the Martian dress she had on at the Golden Globes.
I love color on the red carpet, I love when people aren’t afraid to take a chance on something out of the ordinary. Teal isn’t easy to wear (does anyone else always think, “teal! The color of gangrene,” a la The Wedding Planner?), but I think it’s a good choice for America Ferrera. Unfortunately I can’t say the same for the top half of this dress, which is unfortunately making her suffer from the dreaded pancake boob. I think it’s an important lesson for the ladies: no matter what size you are, we all need a little support. Jennifer Hudson seems to kill it year after year, and this buttery yellow dream is what Naomi Watts’ Golden Globes dress wanted to be. I do wish it was hemmed a bit, but other than that, there is literally nothing to complain about here. I don’t know what’s in the water that Jessica Chastain is drinking, but is she getting sexier and sexier, or what? Who cares that she wasn’t nominated for anything, she is a total siren as of late. I could maybe do without the extra hammock of fabric that is framing her bosom, as it kind of reminds me of a mother of the bride dress. It just seems unnecessary. Finally, my favorite award show newcomer Gina Rodriguez killed it in cobalt (seriously, that color is perfection on her), but the fabric and fit is definitely leaving something to be desired. Also I loved her hair on the live show but now seeing it in photos, I realized why my best friend/hairdresser always talks me out of a side bun (“it looks like a growth on the side of your head”).
Black and white and black and white. I know it’s a easy way to go, but could we just make like a little more of an effort? Cate Blanchett is one of those celebrities that everyone looks to as a beacon of fashion, wearing the most innovative and exquisitely constructed pieces of wearable art. So imagine my surprise when she arrived at the Oscars in a… sleeveless black dress. That’s it? That’s all we get? Oh wait, you threw on a Tiffany’s chunky turquoise necklace? Please, just climb on up to the best dressed list. I mean, I get it, she wasn’t nominated for anything this year, she was just a presenter, but still. What a snoozefest. I wasn’t overly-impressed with Faith Hill‘s long-sleeved white frock, mainly because it kind of looked like it was wearing her instead of her wearing it. There’s just no particular details about it that wowed me in any way. Another one that I just do not get it Sienna Miller. I’m not usually a fan of her style anyway, but there is nothing really for me to love or hate here. I just can’t believe she showed up in this boring black thing. I didn’t even noticed it before, but now that I’m really staring at it, I see that there are a bunch of random elements that seemed like they were meant to jazz it up, and none of them are working (they especially don’t serve their purpose if you have to look at the picture fourteen times to even notice them). Like there are bows, some sort of eyelet thing going on at the bottom, oddly-placed seams… all ineffectively making this even remotely interesting. Jenna Dewan-Tatum also looks beautiful, but I’m just not blown away by this dress. And another ponytail, gaaaah. Finally, I think one of the ones I was most disappointed with this year is Margot Robbie. This is a girl that is so gorgeous, and so in demand right now that she could probably wear anything from any designer. I’m sure they’re fighting over the opportunity to dress her. And yet here she is, in a shapeless black gown with sheer sleeves. Would you ever look at that dress and say “that’s meant for a twenty-three year old?” She looks like an extra in a party scene in Downtown Abbey. Also the draping in the stomach area is flattering to no one, and is only acceptable if she is still in character from Focus and is planning on smuggling an Oscar statue out of the theater.
Now we’re starting to get into the all over the place category, starting with Patricia Arquette, who I actually think looks the best she’s ever looked at an award show (and if you’re going to do it, it might as well be on the night you win an Oscar, amirite?). I mean, is it the most amazing dress in the history of award show fashion? No, but it’s classic and tailored perfectly to her. And for someone who doesn’t seem super comfortable in this level of glamour, this is kind of a home run for her. I just wish I knew what happened between the red carpet and getting into the theatre, because her hair looked like she gone through a wind tunnel by the time she took the stage to accept her award. I know that Felicity Jones is like the award show darling of the year, but I do not get what the big deal is about her. She is so tiny, and I think she’s always wearing these elaborate gowns that swallow her. I do not like the pleating where the skirt meets the top at all, and the neckline of that dress reminds me of the metal back brace that Lisa Kudrow had to wear in Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion. I have the overwhelming urger to stick magnets on her. Meryl Streep kind of looks like she just gives zero F’s about this whole thing, and I don’t mean like she’s bored with it. I think she’s just run out of things to wear to Academy Awards ceremonies. So she’s just like, “whatever, I guess I’ll throw on a sensible blazer.” And she can do that. Because she’s Meryl (I could do without the belt though). And Lady Gaga, who was probably the least Gaga-est she’s ever been, which is okay for the Oscars, but she just couldn’t let it go all the way. Like you know that saying that before you leave the house, you should remove one thing? I think we can all see loud and clear what that one thing is. The shame about this look is the dress is actually quite beautiful. Sure, it has that kooky sleeve, but it fits her really well everywhere else. If she hadn’t been wearing those damn gloves, I would venture to say this is the best she’s ever looked.
So now it just gets weird. First off, Marion Cotillard, what are you even doing? I get that you’re French and therefore light years ahead of us in the fashion realm, but you could not pay me to wear this shapeless perforated sheet dress. Like what is the point of that thing in the back? And how would anyone know where your waist is? This is what you wear when you’ve already had your moment and you get nominated again and you know that you have no chance of winning. But if anything, that would inspire me to dress even better, so at least they’re talking about you for a good reason the next day. Chrissy Teigen is trying real hard to have some sort of moment, and once again it’s like BOOBS! VAGINA! Keep your eyes on me, because you might catch a peek! Like J.Lo, I’m kind of over the blatant showing of skin. And what is with that deep purple lip and the pale blue dress? There is nothing about these shades that coordinate. I know I’m probably going to get hate mail over this, but I was so not a fan of Julianne Moore‘s beaded Chanel. I just thinks those rows of doodads are so stupid. I don’t care if they are made out of 80,000 hand-painted resin sequins. The one at her hip really kills me – wouldn’t you want that line to be at your waist? Sitting on her hip, it cuts off her body in such a weird way. Finally, Giuliana Rancic, who had a perfectly fine gown that she wore for exactly one hour of the pre-show, changed into this flaming red flamenco thing with embroidery and satin and just… yuck. And I don’t know if you can tell from the photo, but the top is made of red fishnet. I know. I so often find myself watching the red carpet and thinking, “you know what’ missing? The scraps that Hulk Hogan ripped off his body at wrestling matches in the 80s. Let’s bring that back.”
And we’ve made it. You thought some of those were bad? Check out my picks for worst dressed of the evening. I didn’t even see Solange Knowles show up when I was watching the original telecast, but when I saw this photo as I was clicking through the arrivals albums online, I knew she couldn’t be left alone. For someone who could pull off a jumpsuit at her wedding and make it look cool, she certainly isn’t doing this oversized Spandex number any favors, and vice versa. It reminds me of those really bad Color Guard uniforms, you know, the ones with the ginormous pants? She should donate this to the Red Sox and they could use it to cover the field when it rains. I can’t say that I was shocked that Keira Knightley showed up in this prairie gown, given her track record this season. Is she gunning for another part in a Jane Austen movie? I don’t know what the words scrawled on this dress say, but I feel the same way about it as I did Angelina Jolie’s wedding dress – it’s effing stupid and I hate it. Naomi Watts has done and could do so much better than this weird brick print. It actually reminds me of in seventh grade when you learn to use microscopes and you have to analyze a piece of an onion (please tell me someone else sees it). I think the thing I hate most is the bandeau-sports bra thing underneath it. While I appreciate her covering up her side boob, it makes me think she’s going to take off the overlay and go for a run any second. I love the requisite “young people” that the Academy invites every year to get people under the age of twenty to tune in, even though they have no relevance to the Oscars or any of the films nominated. Chloë Grace Moretz could not have picked an old-ladier ensemble than this cream-colored floral gown. Honestly, when I saw it all I could think of was this. I especially hate that she posed with her hands in the pockets all night, as if that was some sort of innovative fashion technology that has never existed before. Finally, Nicole Kidman really did a bang up job on the color combination. Seriously, this gown has all the appeal of a stick of celery. The crazy thing is that if the colors had been different, this actually would’t have been so bad. I’m all for contrasting colors, but this red and pale green together is just hideous.
And we’re done! Are you guys sad it’s over? I kind of feel like the month after my wedding was over. So much build up, and then in one night, BAM! It’s done.
I can’t let go.
Another winter day, another award show. Don’t you just love this time of year? (Minus the ten feet of snow for New Englanders… and constant state of drizzle here on Nantucket.)
First of all, I have to come out and admit that I missed a majority of the red carpet. 2014’s slightly off award season schedule (due to the Olympics) really messed with my mental calendar this year, and I was committed to help out at a work even right in the middle of prime arrival time. Luckily, the internet exists and it is my friend, and at 7 P.M. I promptly booked it out of there and delved right into it, without hesitating to remove my coat. Eventually I put on my tuxedo t-shirt and settled into my usual spot on the couch, ready to judge like I’ve never judged before. After all, the Grammys are the slightly eccentric aunt of the entire award show season. Those musicians… you never know what sort of hijinks they’ll get into!
But seriously, you have permission to kook it up a little bit at this one (except for in 2013, when a strongly worded memo tried to dissuade stars like Jennifer Lopez leaving so little to the imagination – as you can imagine, that worked out swimmingly). So why did so many celebs show up this year in way-too-basic black sequins? One never knows. But don’t take my word for it – I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.
This is what I’m talking about. I started having PTSD-style flashbacks to my days in retail seeing all these goth frock cross the red carpet. Theoretically, they’re not so wrong. Take Jessie J, for example. It’s a pretty dress, and it looks great on her body, but to be honest, I’m kind of over this whole see-through dress/granny panty thing. We get it – you want everyone to know your sexy and classy, both at the same time. Nicki Minaj is suffering from a similar ailment, but in two obviously different ways (i.e., her boobs). I know this is kind of tame for her, but that’s what I think the problem is. This is not the Nicki we know and love (sometimes… at least, until she speaks). I know she’s been trying to class it up now that she’s an “actress,” but girl, this is the Grammys. This is your scene. Show ’em what to do! I feel like Nicole Kidman has been keeping it real mum lately, and then randomly surfaces and you’re like oh… she’s married to the guy with the bob. She looks fine, actually probably less robotic than usual, but nothing to really write home about. And oh, Beyonce. Where is our Queen? I take back everything I ever said about that white and black pant combo from two years ago – at least that gave us something to talk about! Why this boring, shapeless frock? Oh I’m sorry, your skirt is see-through? How edgy. Please, hold my calls while I alert the media to this fashion revelation. Even the House of Dereon has more intrigue than this. Finally, I know I’m supposed to automatically root for Meghan Trainor because of her Nantucket roots, but I was kind of glad we didn’t have to see Morticia’s prom gown up on stage any more than we did during her snoozy banter with the hot Jonas (“well Nick, it’s safe to say you made a lot of girls ‘Jealous’ this year…” kill me now). I do like her and her kooky style, and I just thought this dress was all wrong for her. First, there’s more of this sheer evening gown/underwear surprise, and second, the underwire cup of her bra looks is totally visible, kind of ruining the whole nude illusion thing. I’d rather see her rock some kitty cat sequins any day.
Oh, you thought those were the only stars attending a funeral that evening? Nope. There’s a whole other slew of depressing duds to sift through. Although if you’re going to go all black, you might as well look as good as Gwen Stefani in this cropped jumpsuit. I don’t even care if that top is pulling her boobs in two different directions, she looks so good. I do miss the red lip though. I feel like that could have really made the outfit. As for Miley Cyrus… well what is there even really to say. Props for being as covered as you are? Thank you for not wearing fourteen tiny Crazy Eyes buns across your head? I’m sorry, I just have a really hard time complimenting this girl on anything. I wish I knew why Ciara was so mad, but if I had to guess, I’m going to say it’s because her stylist insisted on covering up her insane calf muscles with eighteen pounds of tulle. Girl, you gotta speak up about these things. I do not by any means hate what Anna Kendrick has on, but for someone who is so fun and so spunky, I really feel like she could have done more with this safe (albeit slamming) black suit. She’s the spokesperson for Kate Spade, for Pete’s sake. Grab a whimsical clutch! A bold colored heel! Give us something, girl! Lastly, Miranda Lambert kind of let me down with this boring black frock. A hot pink strap does not an interesting dress make. Also that limp hair is killing me. You’re a country singer! Isn’t your personal mantra the bigger the hair, the closer to God?
It seems like with the past three or four award shows, there’s always a bevy of ladies working the white. I don’t blame them, especially these women – it’s heaven on their skin tone (where as I would look like I am basically invisible). I don’t quite understand what is happening with Ariana Grande‘s dress though… between the very restricting strap and the haphazard scrap of silver mesh, it looks like she was in the bottom half of a Project Runway “use everything you have” challenge. And after seeing her performance, I’m convinced she robbed a Sephora and spent her afternoon on Pinterest researching “Scotch tape winged eyeliner tutorials.” I was happy to see new It Girl Gina Rodriguez there, dazzling in white, and I especially appreciate the turquoise accent. Also, applause for a center slit that ends in an appropriate place (I’m looking at you, Kim). Chrissy Teigen looks fine and all, and I’m certainly glad that she washed her hair, but holy underboob. Is that even legal?! I’m a firm believer in the adage that if you’re going to show a major body part, cover everything else up, but my God (but seriously, how rocking is that clutch?). And finally, Jennifer Hudson. I have this theory that she still paying the price for that brown slip dress/cosmic space jacket combo that she wore the year she won her Oscar, and she has to be extra on her game like, all the time. But seriously, her body looks slamming, as usual. I think the choker is cool, but I would have preferred a longer necklace for the low neckline of the dress.
I love me some award show sparkle. However, not all of these ladies get my gold star. First, Rita Ora may as well be wearing a suit of armor – seriously, have you ever seen her more covered up? I do not feel that a turtleneck was a necessary addition to that dress. I appreciate the theory, just not the execution. Ugh and WHY was Paris Hilton even there? I forgot she existed and I swear she pops up at this particular award show every year and threatens to drop another “album.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I think she probably does the worst illusion paneling on a semi-consistent basis (you know, when they let her in places). But Katy Perry… you are my everything. Seriously, I loved this outfit on her. It defies everything we know as a species – gravity, science, hair color found in nature – but she does it so, so well. But since I can’t just let it be I have to say… I’m not crazy about that shoe. I’m sorry, I know, I have a problem. But points all around, Katy! Also how do we think my office would feel about lavender hair? Now there is such a thing as dripping in sparkles in a bad way, and that way is Kim Kardashian. First of all, I’m annoyed that she has a legitimate reason to be at this award show. I know everyone has said it all already: she’s wearing Liberace’s bathrobe, she could be Joan Collins double from Dynasty, yada yada yada. I think the thing that bothers me the most is the sheer size of everything. Yes, she’s curvy, but she’s also like 5’2. Why in the world would she need a shoulder embellishment that large and sleeves that long? And the pockets – everything is just heavy. I’m exhausted just looking at her, thinking about carrying that crap around all night. And don’t even get me started on the slit. I swear, we’ve seen her vagina so much lately that I’m surprised she’s even covered up this much at all. I’m kind of conflicted about Lady Gaga‘s look. I like seeing a non-crazy phase of her, but I feel like she’s still doing that to some degree. It’s no meat dress, but now it’s like she’s trying to play a 1940s sex pot, emphasis on trying… really really hard. It’s a little desperate, no? Also that pancake boob thing with those kind of dresses is pretty much one of my least favorite fashion faux pas, right behind visible panty lines. And the tan? Yikes. Even Snooki’s like “damn girl, tone it down.”
This is where I’m just like…wtf? Like what can I even say? I know Sia is an “artist” and she has this whole greater meaning behind everything she does, but then I guess… I just don’t understand art. And is the reason she’s going everywhere with Maddie from Dance Moms is because she needs her to guide her around and make sure she doesn’t walk off a stage or something with that wig covering her eyes? Because then all of this makes a lot more sense. I had such high hopes for Iggy Azalea, and she definitely delivered in the dress department – this gown reminded me of a sexy swimsuit or something – but what.the.hell. is sitting atop her head? She looks like an extra from Star Wars. Who knew they even made braided toupées? And well… they don’t call her Princess Riri for nothing I guess. I saw the dresses from this particular Giambattista Valli runway and thought that they were beautiful in a way, like a piece of art really but…not at all wearable for any normal person. Well, luckily Rihanna is not normal and is like, eff you guys – I’m going to wear that cupcake thing like a boss. And she did I guess, I mean, you could practically see the thing from space. So, mission accomplished, I guess? (But ahhhhh oh my God, do I hate that hair. Wispies are literally the bane of my existence.)
These three have got me feeling all sorts of feelings, and I can’t make sense of any of them. Dare I say… I like them a little bit? First of all, props to Jane Fonda – who knows why you’re even there, but God love you for getting back into the Spandex and reminding us why we should buy your VHS aerobics tapes the next time we find ourselves at the Goodwill. I know, this is kind of crazy, but I think that’s why I love it. She is a lady of a certain age; she couldn’t give any less F’s about any of this. But she looks so good, I’m like, “maybe I do need a gold fringe necklace that comes down to my pelvis.” Jane, I salute you. And Taylor Swift… I don’t know what’s happening, because there are so many elements of this that are against many of the things I feel about fashion. Between the high-low skirt, the straps that serve no purpose, the black opal paraiba earrings (like, seriously?) and the peacock ombre – there’s so many things about this dress that shouldn’t work, and then they do. Also I want those purple heels like, yesterday. As for Katharine McPhee, I am so conflicted about this number. It’s like there’s something about the silhouette of it that I love, but I’m also scared that she may have stolen part of Bane’s mask to construct it. I sort of like the color, and yet at the same time I feel like it’s a color that no one could wear. I do know one thing – that hair definitely leaves something to be desired. The wet look should be reserved for immediately exiting the swim-up bar at the pool and that is it.
Blech, this had to happen at some point. So some things were strange or boring or ill-fitting, and others were just downright heinous (I live for these moments. Why? Because no one’s going to try to pull this stuff at the freaking Oscars). I don’t really know who Kat Graham is, but she’s working my least favorite trend of the evening and only enhancing its awfulness by doing the appliqués in white. I think it’s supposed to be a flower, but it looks like it’s exploding and then crying all over her, which is exactly how I feel right now. I’m also not really sure who Jenny Lewis is, but I vaguely remember a music video with Anne Hathaway and Kristen Stewart also wearing white suits and playing her music, so if she’s friends with those two, I’m sure she’s a real blast to hang with. Also I’m not sure if she’s actually on the red carpet or if Shia LaBeouf’s having an acid trip and we can all see her too. I actually would have been fine with a white suit, but we’ve got to work on the hem of these pants, people. Poor Zendaya. Did you know that she’s eighteen?! Eighteen! Yes, she technically looks beautiful, but whose idea was it to age her by thirty years with that hair and the Mrs. Roper dress? Charli XCX is a mess, but for a whole slew of other reasons. Is she the new Ke$ha? Like was she out partying all night and woke up late and grabbed a guy’s suit and just ran out the door? I think I’m most offended by the hair (shudder). And finally… Madonna. What can we say about the Material Mom that hasn’t already been said? So many great looks are combing here: first a matador, with a splash of Moulin Rouge, finished off with some dominatrix boots. Oh, and in case you were wondering, it’s assless underneath. So there’s that. Listen, I get that she reinvents herself, and there’s a new look and persona every few years, but this is ridiculous. She has run out of people to be and now she’s just going backwards and ripping off herself. And lets just say that the 1994 Madge in the ‘Take a Bow” video wore it better.
Phew! I don’t know about you guys, but I’m spent. Who took your breath away, and who left you feeling dizzy? I cannot believe we are now less than two weeks away from the Oscars. Enjoy your bad white tuxedos while you can… it’s about to get real.
Ah, the Golden Globes. One of the highlights of award season, because well, there’s booze there. And it shows.
All kidding aside, what makes the Globes so great is the atmosphere. It’s like there’s TV people, movie people, all forced to mingle in the same room (in the case this year, a very sweaty room). It’s a semi-serious award, so even the big-named stars still feel compelled to show up, not to mention, there’s twice as many categories (so if you were nominated in the musical/comedy category, your chances are usually much higher for taking home a statue than at those stuff Oscars).
Of course, the thing we all care about is the fashion. And this year was a doozy, mainly because the stifling humidity was so obvious on all of the A-lister’s hair and faces (stars! They really are just like us). But even a little frizz wasn’t enough to rain on many of these celebs parades. So once again, it’s time for my annual review of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
First up, the Girls (I’m sorry, it’s just so easy to put them all together). Usually, Allison Williams is one of the best dressed at these sort of things, but I sort of thought she just looked like a very pretty Christmas ornament. Fortunately, that’s light years ahead of her costar Jemima Kirke, who looks like an extra from Star Wars and/or the leader of one of those weird cults where you shouldn’t drink from the communal punch bowl. And poor Lena Dunham. That girl just can’t quite get it right, can she? Every year there is just something questionable about her look. This year I’m going to have to say it’s the business lunch shoe and the totally weird seams on the front of her dress. What’s with that line at the top – does Lululemon now sell evening wear? (Props to whoever chose this color – it’s magnificent on her.) Zosia Mamet… I mean, I really don’t have words. Between Gwyneth Palthrow’s ’99 Oscar dress on the bottom and that fetching shade of paper bag on the top (otherwise known as faccata), there’s just really no hope for this unfortunate ensemble.
Now this is how you do it, ladies. It may be obvious by now that I have a thing for sparkles at award shows (and yes, I realize they’re all blonde – in the wise words of Elle Woods, we have to stick together as a hair color minority). Sometimes I look at Diane Kreuger, and I suddenly believe in reincarnation, because there’s no way that girl wasn’t Grace Kelly in her past life (although I couldn’t name one movie she’s been in for probably the last three years). And Reese Witherspoon. MY GOD. I know I’m totally biased because she’s my all-time favorite actress, but seriously, this is the best she has ever looked, ever. She should probably divorce Jim Toth and marry Calvin Klein so they can continue to make beautiful music together for the rest of their lives. Finally, I put Anna Faris in there because this is the first time I thought she really brought it to the red carpet, and I thought this dress was perfect for her. It’s like a little boho-esque, which isn’t my favorite style, but I think it works for her and she somehow looks both glamorous and comfortable.
Ugh, ladies. What is happening here? You’re all beautiful women! You have money, stylists, mirrors (I assume). How could this happen? First and foremost, Claire Danes, to quote Regina George, “that is the ugliest effing dress I have ever seen.” I hate everything about this. It’s the most old ladiest gown there ever was. Melissa McCarthy has really been off the mark the past few years, which is surprising, since her background is in fashion. I heard her saying that she took apart two different outfits and put them together with her stylist to make this. So if this is an improvement, I can only imagine what each of these looked like before. Keira Knightley is my nightmare right now, it’s like she got pregnant and now she has to dress like a marm. This looks like an undergarment to and American Girl dress, and don’t even get me started on the fishing lures or whatever that print is. Also, Mariah would like her oversized butterfly accessory back, thanks. As for Kerry Washington, is there any way to explain this? She looks like a piece that came out of Barbie’s motherboard. That shoe makes no sense, and then only reasoning I can come up with is that her severe cleavage is cutting off the oxygen supply to her brain and she just threw on whatever heels she could find so she could get out the door. Kristen Wiig is another repeat offender in my book. It’s like she always either has something totally boring on, unwashed hair, or just the most oddball dress that she pulled out of someone’s attic. In this case, the Charlie’s Angels reject collection circa 1976.
Red is my favorite color, and one of the best shades you can wear on the carpet (hello, coordination). But there’s good way and very bad ways to do it, and these ladies get my thumbs down in the red category (which happened to be the most popular color of the evening). One way not to wear crimson? In the form of a tea-length dress made from a tablecloth. I’m talking to you, Julianna Margulies. I am so over that brocade fabric that seems to stand up on its own. As for Kate Mara, there’s almost nothing wrong with dress (although I am surprised by the placement of those two vertical ruffles), but she definitely needed to abide by the “take one thing off before you leave the house” rule. A wide peach satin belt? Over a red dress. If you could see my face right now, it looks a little something like this. Neither Viola Davis not Catherine Zeta-Jones have done anything particularly offensive, but I feel like they’re both waiting for their dates for the junior prom. I swear, my sister and I each wore those dresses to formal dances in high school.
Alright, we’re getting warmer. Or should I say, redder. Even more red? Whatever it is, we’re there. I do think Allison Janney looks lovely, however, I feel like this high-neck bow dress just needs to be off-limits forever, because no matter how many years have gone by or how many other people have worn it (cough, cough – Emma Stone), it will never not remind me of Nicole Kidman’s 2007 Academy Awards gown. In fact, this is like a summer cover up version of that. Is it made of jersey? I don’t hate Heidi Klum‘s sexy scarlet number, despite the empathy I feel for her right breast as it’s clearly trying to escape the clutches of that bodice. It’s a great color on her, it’s this much pageant, but it’s leaps and bounds ahead of some of the crap she’s been sporting lately. Christine Baranski shied away from the super vibrant shade, but looks crazy awesome in this Merlot number. It’s appropriate for her age, but somehow still looks better than a lot of the girls that are half of that. Speaking of women of a certain age, I’m pretty confident that Helen Mirren makes my best dressed list every year. I mean, was she born into an evening gown? It’s like everything she puts on is a second skin, fitted perfectly to her form.
Every year, there’s a handful of women that just look… okay. Kind of playing it safe, not thinking too much outside of the box. Which really bothers me, because I don’t have too much to say one way or another, and we know that’s a foreign concept for someone like myself. I loved that Gina Rodriguez won (she’s Jane the Virgin, if you don’t know, now you know! I love that show) but I wish she had slightly more pizzazz in her dress. One of the best things about her is she seems like she has a fun, fresh personality, and this dress shows nothing of that. Props for the hair and earrings, though. Perfection. I kind of thought Katherine Heigl had gotten the memo that nobody wants her to come to things, but I guess the rules change when you’re on the network that happens to be hosting the show that year, so yes, all NBCers get a free pass I suppose. Again, this dress is fine, but what are we calling the extra fabric in the front? Is that like a reverse mermaid skirt or something. Whatever, I don’t care enough to figure it out. Maggie Gyllenhaal must have contacted that company that makes those dyeable bridesmaid shoes and begged them to do a dress in their loveliest shade of rust, because that’s all I think when I look at this. And Katie Holmes – who let her out of the house? Oh wait, she’s divorced and is now allowed to roam freely (depending on Suri’s mood that day, of course). There’s nothing so wrong with this dress, but I’m totally distracted by the ponytail. I’m convinced it came from an actual horse given the sheer length of it. Finally, Patricia Arquette. She won big that night (and it only took twelve years of acting!), but looks like she’d rather be anywhere else other than on a red carpet. You’d think she’d be used to it by now? I’m convinced her clothes are just wearing her by now, not the other way around.
I’m very excited to announce that this is the first award show where I have actually seen Orange is the New Black (thank you to my sister for graciously sharing her Netflix password after I dropped hints seventeen times). Is there anything more satisfying at an award show than seeing someone who wears baggy khaki prison uniforms everyday all dolled up on the red carpet? It’s like when I was in high school and I used to wear sweatpants for the two weeks leading up until the prom. You’d think some of these girls would pull it together a bit more, given this opportunity to show off their banging bods. Laura Prepon went for straight up Elvira, while Natasha Lyonne really turned it out in cobalt (but I’m sorry, the smirk has got to go). Uzo Aduba is everything in this dark sparkly number, like I’m seriously obsessed with how amazing she looks (she definitely gets the #1 transformation award). Taylor Schilling is in the color of the night, but I’m really uncomfortable with her super prominent concave chest thing she has going on. I know the food in prison is bad, but yikes. I just want her and Giuliana to grab a burger (or five) together. Finally, Taryn Manning. That girl just will always look like a mess. Do you thinks she’s dying to do a job where she’s not a crackhead? This looks like the super glamorous trash bag that she crawled out of.
Like clockwork, there’s always a few that just baffle me. Like I spend a lot of time thinking about what I might wear should I ever have the opportunity to go to something like this. Some of these women, I have to wonder if they look at these dresses and a bulb goes off somewhere that they think it’s like, a great idea. Unfortunately, this year that meant our beloved host Tina Fey, who graced us with her presence, but unfortunately, it was in a penguin suit. Like does this shape even have a name? What is the purpose a skirt that could take flight? Thankfully, she spent little time in this due to her hosting duties. Unfortunately, Lana del Ray spent the whole damn evening in this cheap-looking seafoam green disaster. We get it, you think you’re Priscilla Presley. However, you are not, and it’s also 2015. Also, did she pick this dress up at Deb in the mall? One person who will never visit a mall probably ever again is Amal Alamuddin. I feel like because she’s not a Hollywood person, she watched like Breakfast at Tiffany’s or something and thought “this is how celebrities dress!” Which is cray, because she has the most amazing style on her own. I’m sorry, I really felt she could have done without the scrunchy opera gloves. I know she’s Mrs. Clooney and therefore untouchable by association, but to me, she looked like she was wearing a costume (and trying to figure out if it really was the butler who did it in the parlor with a candlestick). And finally, without fail, there is one dress every year that the public collectively loves and I’m the only weirdo that is like, wtf. So this year, that goes to Sienna Miller. This dress is just too much of everything, and nothing at the same time. However, that hair? It’s kind of perfect.
The second most popular color of the evening had to be white, which can really go either way. Emily Blunt was kind of meh in this cut out Grecian frock (with one of my least favorite trends of all time, those damn milkmaid braids), but I love when people choose to accent white with green or turquoise jewelry. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is also nothing to write home about, other than the fact that her body looks banging in this straight one-shouldered whatever (ugh, and are middle parts happening?). Salma Hayek must have gone shopping with Julianna Margulies, as she is also sporting the tablecloth stand up dress that seems to plague at least one person on the red carpet every year (or in this case, two). And Rosamund Pike. In the words of The Continental, wow wow wee wow. I’m so conflicted about this dress – from some angles it’s so angelic and flowy, and others I’m like shocked at how risqué it is. I mean, the side boob risk would be a known and constant concern for me, and she’s the one who had a baby five weeks ago!
It’s always kind of weird to see such springy dresses at these award shows given that it’s January, but then I remember that it’s LA and the fashion world is always like a season and a half ahead of us losers. I don’t love this half and half thing that Camila Alves has going on (I just don’t understand why anyone would intentionally make their body that shape), but that color is divine on her. I want to give Quvenzhané Wallis a standing ovation for dressing so cute and appropriate for her age, but mainly because she finally gave up on the puppy purses. I don’t know what it is about beautiful women like Chrissy Teigen, but I feel like they think that because they’re so gorgeous, they can just walk onto a red carpet with a messy pony and everything is fine. Okay, she does look amazing, but I’m not convinced about the seams on that dress. The wavy lines in her crotch area remind me of the wing of an overnight maxi pad or something. And Lupita Nyong’o… oh how the mighty have fallen. Remember last year, when she was the constant belle of the ball? Now here she is, looking like a walking 1950s bathing cap. And I’m sorry, but I really don’t like her new hair. She just looked so striking last year, and now, there’s just a lot happening and none of it is great.
And on the third day, God invented glitter. Well, at least in my version he did. I feel I should have put money on Jennifer Lopez showing up in a Zuhair Murad number, but alas, award show gambling really hasn’t taken off yet. Obviously, she looks amazing, but there is just so much skin showing, I think it almost distracts from how beautiful she is. Between the plunging neckline and dangerously high slit, there’s literally about six inches of gauze and beading holding this thing together (and that’s definitely her nipple showing, right?). Julianne Moore seams to have gone the opposite route, with what I think is the most conservative, full coverage, bedazzled gown since Whoopi in Sister Act. I’m not a big fan of the ombre sequins, and ombre sequins + ostrich feathers makes me think that she got this dress in one of the gift shops at Caesar’s Palace. As for Emma Stone, she’s probably one of the only people at this show that is actually cool enough to pull off a pair of formal high-waisted trousers. And I love the idea of a bedazzled top and tuxedo pants, but I don’t like the execution in this particular case. Also, the point of wearing pants is that they’re not a dress, and therefore, IT SHOULDN’T HAVE A TRAIN. It’s just silly. I like the idea of a newcomer like Dakota Johnson being clothed head-to-toe in sparkles, I’m just not sure that I wanted it to be from two different dresses. And last but not least, Kate Beckinsale. I feel like I say this every year, but how does she keep getting invited to these things? Like, when was the last time she worked? I mean she always looks amazing so I guess it doesn’t really matter, but it’s almost like they keep inviting her to these award shows to keep everyone on their toes in the wardrobe department.
What can I say, these women are all beauties. And some definitely scored more than others in the wardrobe category, but ultimately, they’re all winners (well actually, only Amy Adams is a winner, but you get the idea). First, Naomi Watts. She looks.. fine, but there’s three things that are bothering me. 1) The criss-cross draping on the top half. 2) The rhinestone doodad on the belt. 3) The diamond cobra wrapped around her neck, which I’m sure a month from now will be in every fashion magazine, because this probably means that snakes are in. Amy Adams does look pretty amazing with her retro hair and periwinkle gown… like a really beautiful Smurf or something. Felicity Jones is a newcomer to all this red carpet business, and she’s very pretty, but that top is so weirdly shaped that is sort of makes her look like an upside-down triangle. Or as Steve would say, she looks like the President of the Celibacy Club (i.e., what he says to me every time I wear a button down under a crew neck sweater). And my girl, Anna Kendrick. I think she looks really cute, but I’m not going to go easy on her just because she’s so dam adorable. I think the hair is a little severe for her and the color of her dress is too close to her skin tone and makes her look washed out. I almost wish it was a brighter nude, or even a pale pink. Jenna Dewan-Tatum seems to be very ready for Easter in this buttercup yellow gown that is accented by some sort of origami folds. She does look beautiful but I’m not dying over this look or anything.
And then, things got dark. First up, Jennifer Aniston seems to be reliving her late 90s days of glory in this black halter dress. Didn’t we learn anything from Anne Hathaway at the Oscars? Stop trying to make halter tops happen. They’re not going to happen (on a positive note, thank you for finally responding to my years of begging for you to do something different with your hair). Jessica Rabbit also made an appearance… I mean, Jessica Chastain. Can you say va va voom? Who knew such a vixen was hiding underneath that baby blue sack she wore in 2013? The only thing I’m not sure about is those boobs. Maybe it’s necessary for such a dress, but they’re so high and squished together, I’m not even sure how she’s still smiling. And last but certainly not least, our little Lorde. It was predicted that she was going to wear some sort of pant, but no one said anything about gauzy palazzos that weren’t even hemmed (and let’s be real, if they’re too long for Lorde than what freak of nature could these possibly have been meant for?). No wonder she looks so glum.
Well Globetrotters, that’s it for my first award show wrap up on the new and improved Lindsay’s Look! Stop by again soon for more fashion recaps, after all – tis the season.
I am so excited to be coming at you for the first time from my new website (thanks again to my husband and his many forms of employment that made it all happen), just in time for award show season! With the Golden Globes tonight and Oscar nominations being announced on Thursday morning (which also happens to by my anniversary – coincidence?! I think not), it seemed like the perfect time to finally jump on here and say a real hello to all of you. Please bear with me as I continue to get used to things around here… you may notices that things look slightly different than my previous site. I’m no computer wiz, but I’d like to consider myself slightly savvy, so I’m working on figuring things out as I go (thanks, Google). You’ll see my previous posts on here (although the formatting is slightly screwed up) and hopefully lots of new stuff too.
Speaking of the Globes, you know I’ll be tuning in tonight (actually, this afternoon – I started with the E! coverage at 4 P.M.!), so follow along with me on Twitter at @legallylinz and my Facebook page. In honor of the official start of awards season, I took a look back at some of Lindsay’s favorite looks (see that, what I did there?) from the Golden Globes of year’s past.
I think my all-time fave has to be that bright yellow number that Reese sported back in 2007. It was one of her first appearances after the devastating (for all of us) breakup with Ryan Phillippe, and you know what they say about the best revenge. Also I totally tried those bangs, and they were fun, but a LOT of work.
Who are some of your favorite Globe-trotters? Check back in later this week, where I will be given you my full, fierce fashion recap. And tweet me tonight! I’m always looking for new snark buddies to add to the circle.
Happy day after the Oscars, everyone! Like a kid on December 26, I’m slightly sad that it’s over but excited to play with my new toys, i.e., talk about dresses. So without further adieu, I bring you my 2014 Oscar Fashion Recap.
|l to r: jennifer garner/pink/kate hudson|
Yes, I know, I’m picky, but these were literally my only three real favorites of the evening. There were a lot of other women that looked pretty, but these ones really knocked my socks off. First up, Jennifer Garner. I love a classic silhouette with an unexpected detail, and I thought she looked like on of the party guests right out of the Oscar-winning set of The Great Gatsby. I was sad not to see Pink on the red carpet, but I think she more than made up for her absence with this ruby red slipper-inspired gown during her performance of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Although I’m not going to lie, I was half expecting someone to come along and rip the skirt off her as she was lifted above the crowd by circus wires. An aaagggh Kate Hudson (that was a good aaagggh) has just been killing it over the past few years on the red carpet. I was a little afraid that the cape thing was going to be all over the place on Sunday, and luckily, it was kept to a minimum and used effectively, like this half-one that lightly draped over her back.
|l to r: jennifer lawrence/lupita nyong’o|
|l to r: angelina jolie/ashley wagner/lady gaga/kristin chenoweth|
|l to r: camila alves/jada pinkett smith/penelope cruz|
|l to r: anna kendrick/charlize theron/anne hathaway/chrissy teigen|
I may have stated once or twice before that given my bias towards the color black, I’m not a huge fan of it for a head to toe look at an awards show. But the thing about this crop is that I pretty much like them, but I’m conflicted on parts of the dresses that I wish just weren’t there. I am kind of obsessed with Anna Kendrick, as is my husband, but she’s so cool that I’m like, “yeah, go for it.” I like that this is not just a black dress, but I just cannot decide if I like that detail in the middle. And the leg? Let’s just let Angelina hold onto that one, shall we? Charlize Theron is basically flawless, and I would estimate that my approval rating for this one is at about 95% (we only use very scientific fashion algorithms here at Lindsay’s Look). I just cannot fully support the shape of those straps. I know they’re connected to a full strap that just happens to be totally invisible, but I don’t feel like those blunt points are all that chic. I guess I just frankly don’t understand the purpose of having said see through area. I mean, it reminds me of those clear bra straps that were like all the rage in 8th grade, when you were trying to pretend that you needed a bra, but didn’t want people to see it (although let’s be real, you totally did). I feel like this is the first time I’ve seen Anne Hathaway in years, and I’m not sure about this halter dress that she decided to grace our presence with. It looks like someone demolished the Dancing with the Stars mirror ball trophy and slapped it on her chest. Finally, Chrissy Teigen mixed it up with a floral print that the more I look at it, I am not so much a fan of. I love pocket dresses in real life, but not for the Oscars. When you pose like this the whole time it just looks like you lost both your hands in a series of unfortunate events. Also, is the high-low hemline thing still happening?
|l to r: karen o/emma watson/julia roberts/olivia wilde|
|l to r: calista flockhart/cristin milioti/naomi watts/portia de rossi|
Do you think there was an email chain in which former cast members of Ally McBeal were like, “hey, you going to the Oscars?” “Uh, yeah, totally.” “Me too. Brilliant idea- let’s grab our grandmother’s tablecloths that have been in the attic for like 47 years and make dresses out of them.” “Totes magotes. Text me later.” Okay, fine, that may not have been the conversation exactly, but how else can you explain both Calista Flockhart and Portia de Rossi showing up like this? And I’m sorry, I am really not trying to be mean (it just happens sometimes) but does Calista all of a sudden look super old? I always thought she looked like a teenager next to Harrison Ford, now I think she’s starting to look like his twin sister. She’s 49, not 65. One fresh face you may not recognize is Cristin Milioti, as her only real claim to fame so far is that she’s the Mother on How I Met Your Mother. Oh, apparently she was also Leo’s first wife in Wolf of Wall Street, except when I saw her on the red carpet I got nervous that the Twilight series was coming back. Like, seriously, she looks like a vampire. That shade of lipstick flatters no one. I was so bummed to Naomi Watts in this shapeless white frock that looked like a beaded t-shirt dress, especially after she look so good last year. And I just will never get why people think it’s okay to wear their hair so purposely unstyled. Thanks for putting the effort in and simply flipping your part to the opposite side. And poor Portia, wearing that doily dress that reminds me of a less exciting version of the Spirograph drawings I used to do when I was a kid.
|l to r: amy adams/idina menzel/sandra bullock/viola davis|
|l to r: kristen bell/kerry washington/jessica biel|
|l to r: bette midler/meryl streep/liza minelli|
|l to r: cate blanchett/sally hawkins|