The Academy Awards are so huge, it clearly warrants two posts. You can read my original Oscar wrap up here. But we’re here to talk about something more important that who won what or who shamelessly flashed their right leg. That’s right, it’s time for… FASHION! Prepare yourself.
As usual, I found myself either underwhelmed or perplexed by the majority of the gowns. Every award show basically is leading up to this point, and you have to save the best for last. I get that you want to dress to impress, but I still don’t understand why anyone would choose to wear something boring or weird to such a prestigious show.
That being said, these were my absolute favorites:
l to r: michelle williams, tina fey, milla jovovich, emma stone
These four ladies to me personified what the evening is all about. The all look classy and respectful without being too safe. Each of them took some sort of fabulous risk in their own way. I am normally not the biggest fan of Michelle Williams (unless you count her days as Jen on Dawson’s Creek) because I think she dresses like a 90 year old, but I absolutely loved this Louis Vuitton coral number. I am always so annoyed that more stars don’t go for color, and to me, anything in the red family will never be out of style for an award show. Also, clearly she got the memo about peplum, which I’ve been seeing all over the blogosphere lately as the next big thing. The only thing I do not adore about this look is the pink clutch. I just don’t get it. TIna Fey also got the memo about the peplum trend. While her dress itself is a little plain, I think it’s a big step for her not to wear black, and I practically got up and applauded when I saw her working this high bun. High buns are my favorite. I’m also still confused why Milla Jovovich is at the Oscars, but she looked so damn good I’m willing to ignore the fact that she was in a bunch of sci fi movies that I don’t care about. To me, her entire ensemble is the epitome of what an Academy Awards look should be. When you think “Oscar,” you think Hollywood glamour, and what better way to honor that than with a throwback to old Hollywood? The hair and makeup is perfection, and her gown sparkles just enough that she doesn’t look like a Vegas showgirl. It probably also helps that she used to be a model and knows how to pose like a pro. And last but not least, Emma Stone, who I think the entire world fell a little more in love with last night. I appreciate her wearing red, especially with her hair color. I love the large neck bow because I think you need to be a little dramatic with at least one thing you’re wearing at a time. A lot of people are criticizing her for wearing something so similar to Nicole Kidman a few years back, but I love it and I think she looks a zillion times better than Nicole ever did. Especially since she can still move her forehead.
l to r: berenice bejo, missi pyle, kelly ripa
Another trend that has been predicted to take off is the color mint. There were a few variations of mint on the carpet, and I can’t decide if I love any of them yet. I hate Berenice Bejo’s gown with the color of her hair. That is just a clashfest I can’t look past. I think Missi Pyle actually looks really good, but I her droopy shoulder makes me sad. One shoulder was also a huge trend on the red carpet, but if you’re going to do it, I think it should be deliberate. It just looks like it wasn’t tight enough and fell down. But a fun fact: her dress is eco-friendly. I don’t remember exactly how- once she started talking about organic silkworms she sort of lost me, but cool concept. Kelly Ripa looked cute because she is perpetually adorable, but the double bands around the waist didn’t do anything for me. I think it breaks up an otherwise very clean and classy dress. It reminds me of something that Tim Gunn would see on Project Runway before going into a speech about the importance of editing.
l to r: meryl streep, jennifer lopez, stacy kiebler
I am half okay, half not okay with what Meryl Streep is wearing. I think the color and texture of the dress are amazing, and it’s like, you’re going to the Oscars- why not dress up like the freaking statue?! I can’t say that I wouldn’t do the same thing. But I think there are too many folds and draping going on. I do like the sleeves on her, and it’s a much better alternative compared to almost everything she has worn this season, but I think she needs a little bit of structure. It just looks like the fabric is melting off her, and I’m afraid if a strong gust of wind came along her dress would unravel and we would end up seeing her Iron Lady. Jennifer Lopez… well. I just don’t know. Clearly she is gorgeous and her hair is AMAZING, but come on. She wears a different variation of this dress all the time. Also, I’m tired of almost seeing one of her boobs. Her stylist claims they made it impossible for her to have a wardrobe malfunction, but I maintain that when she was on stage I could see the makings of a nipple peeking out of that dress. When she wore that green dress to the Grammys all those years ago and everyone freaked out, that was daring. Now I’m just like listen, go home, put Max and Emme to bed and COVER UP A LITTLE BIT. We’ve seen this schtick before. Stacy Kiebler was the lucky girl chosen to hang on George Clooney’s arm, and like all the others before her, suddenly she has become some kind of fashionista. Again, I think the color of this dress is totally appropriate if her goal was to look like a statue. And of course, her waist is teeny tiny so she can wear anything. But I absolutely HATE that rosette on her hip. Why do skinny girls keep doing this to themselves? It’s like that one extra hip that Natalie Portman had at the Golden Globes. Like, did she look in the mirror and say, “hmm, this looks really good on me, but don’t you think it would look even better if I added a little bulk around my hips?” NO WOMAN SAYS THAT. EVER. I guess it doesn’t really matter, because a week from now she’ll disappear and we will never hear her name again.
l to r: octavia spencer, viola davis, jessica chastain, penelope cruz
I feel like at every award show there are always at least a few dresses that I just don’t care about. Or maybe I might care, but I’m not sure. I just can’t make the commitment to say, “yes, I like this.” Octavia Spencer was a shoe in for her Best Supporting Actress award, so clearly it was important to wow because she knew she would be photographed everywhere. But I wasn’t wowed by this, mainly because I felt the color and cut were too similar to what she wore to the SAG awards. This is not a bad dress by any means, but I was just kind of bored with it. Viola Davis definitely wasn’t boring in her GREEN dress, which I appreciate, because again, color, but if she was going to go with a gown this strong in color, couldn’t she have done something about her hair? I’m not dissing her by any means for going au natural and arriving sans wig (which I never knew she wore), but the coppery color of her cropped ‘do makes her look a little like a leprechaun. Also between the boobs and the ruffles at the bottom, I felt like I didn’t know quite where I was supposed to look. When I saw Jessica Chastain, I immediately thought that was a Versace black and gold number and could even see Donatella wearing that in my head (okay, Maya Rudolph as Donatella, but whatever), but I was surprised to find out it was Alexander McQueen. I think I might like it but I also think it looks like she’s wearing one of Donald Trumps curtains. And Penelope Cruz surprised me that she was even there, because I have to admit I really never wanted to see her on the red carpet again after she showed up last year in that Charo number. I think she looks pretty, definitely old glamour, but a little stuffy for her. I think something need to be loosened up a bit.
l to r: giuliana rancic, nancy o’dell, louise roe, maria menounos
How would we know anything about these looks if these ladies weren’t asking the tough questions, like, “who are you wearing?” I personally love Giuliana Rancic, mainly because I want her to be my friend and then elect me someday to take over her job, and also because we are scoliosis twins (did you know she also has a rod in her back from surgery when she was a teen? TWINSIES!). She was originally wearing a similar dress during the pre pre pre show but it had these weird lines going up and down that looked like they were made out of zippers and pointing right at her boobs. I much preferred this number, although it was a little pageanty, I thought it looked like her shoulders were channeling the White Swan which I sort of loved. I wish her hair was slightly less severe, because she’s very thin and angular already, and I wanted a little more volume to soften her up a bit. Nancy O’Dell’s dress kind of hurts my eyes. I think I would love it if that black lace thing wasn’t at the top, because that yellow is something fierce. The top is just ugh, it’s like a grandma and a flamenco dancer all rolled into one. Louise Roe is British, which might explain the school marm feel of these sleeves, but I thought the origami pleats were amazing. Also, she seems like one of very few people that can pull off this kind of dull pink without looking like a pile of Silly Putty. Maria Menounos is rocking that kind of minty color again, but I’m so distracted by the amount of pleats I feel like I sort of can’t see her anymore. The hair is good though, very good.
l to r: gwyneth palthrow, cameron diaz, shailene woodley, natalie portman
Ugh, Gwyneth Palthrow. Why does she have to ruin perfectly good outfits? I know that capes are in this year, but whatever is hanging off the back of her shoulders is not okay, which is terrible because she looks amazing otherwise. Oh wait, never mind. I just noticed her hair. A ponytail?! You choose to wear a ponytail, and not even a good ponytail like what Reese had last year, but a ponytail that is half way down your back like it just fell out a little more with every step you took. I don’t exactly know why, but I hate what Cameron Diaz is wearing. She once wore one of my all time favorite award show gowns and then she shows up looking like this? I am just not following. Shailene Woodley has established by now that while she is a very talented young actress, she cannot dress herself. This dress looks like it was made for a woman 50 years her senior. If she wore her bun on the sides she would have looked like Princess Leia. SHE’S TWENTY. Also, once she started talking to Ryan Seacrest about becoming an “herbalist,” she totally lost me. Natalie Portman physically looked stunning. I thought her hair, makeup, jewels- everything was working for her. But let’s be real. You wore polka dots to the Oscars. This is not a Bat Mitzvah, or even a Sweet 16. It just seemed so inappropriate to me.
l to r: wendy mclendon-covey, rose byrne, melissa mccarthy, ellie kemper, kristen wiig, maya rudolph
The cast of Bridesmaids seems like a group of chicks that you want to hang out with. Do I want to raid any of their closets? Eh, not so much. I thought that Wendy McLendon-Covey looked like she was going to a prom, Rose Byrne needed a sandwich, Melissa McCarthy looked like the rust that forms around your shower drain, Ellie Kemper was channeling Katniss as the “girl who was on fire” (but wouldn’t actually survive in the Hunger Games with her bangs hanging in her face like that), and Kristen Wiig once again wore that paper bag color that does the opposite of match her personality. The only one I really liked was Maya Rudolph. I thought the purple was unexpected as no one else was really wearing that color, and she sparkled in all the right places. And who would have guessed that she was styled by none other than Brad Goreski?!
l to r: angelina jolie, rooney mara
Weird. I didn’t think anyone from Twilight was going to be invited this year.