Apparently I’m Not Young Or Hip. But I Still Wanna Be A Supermodel
I decided that on my day off today, I was going to be super productive. I made a list as long as the pad of paper would allow and accomplished nearly everything on it. Go me. Would have it just been easier to watch Bravo shows that are currently filling my DVR up to a dangerous 90% and eat shredded cheese right out of the bag? Sure. But my goal was to feel a sense of accomplishment by the day’s end, and dammit, for once I promised myself I wouldn’t get distracted.
And I was only half kidding about the DVR/cheese thing. Okay I’m not kidding at all, cause it actually happened. But only as an interlude between important tasks.
Most of my goals today were cleaning related, one of which was to clean out my makeup bag. I am the queen of having expensive makeup explode on me for no reason, unless you count throwing the bag in my purse as I run out the door/consistently hitting it off the bathroom counter as reasons. I don’t. If I buy a bronzer for $22 it should basically be indestructible. Are you listening, Clinique?
Luckily for me, I only buy makeup during free gift with purchase promotions, so I have plenty of cosmetic bags to last me the rest of my life. See, I may have mentioned that I work in a mall, and if you stay on top of all the major department stores, brands usually do a promotion once a year at each store. So theoretically, you could get one at Macys in the spring, Lord & Taylor in the summer, and so on. This equation doesn’t really work if you have a life, so don’t count on working this method unless you have absolutely nothing else to amuse yourself during your hour long breaks.
I don’t know if you recalled the Great Counting Post of 2012, but my reputation as a hoarder clearly precedes me. However, I didn’t think this was really an issue when it came to makeup, because I essentially use the same products every day and buy the exact same colors when they run out. As much as I am obsessed with never wearing my hair the same way and stocking up on the latest (cheap) accessories, I have never been a big experimenter when it comes to makeup. I knew I possessed more than what was in my daily bag, but couldn’t remember what exactly.
A whole lot of old crappy makeup. That’s what I had.
I went through my entire makeup drawer thingy that I bought in a post-Caboodle’s-being-cool world and apparently there is still a thirteen year-old girl living in there. First of all, once again, the entire thing was coated in busted up bronzer. How it’s even possible I’ve destroyed this many is beyond me. After removing all the contents and crazily scrubbing the interior with seven makeup remover towelettes, I started taking stock of the contents and forcing myself to part with all the things that I had freakishly saved for so long that were probably going to give me cancer if I used them again.
Brands like Jane, Bonne Bell and the aforementioned Caboodle ran rampant. There was a cupcake flavored shimmer Lip Smacker gloss that I’m positive is from the ninth grade. I’m going to be twenty seven next month. I.Have.A.Problem. This is what the lip gloss/stick drawer looked like before:
I had about ten shades of pink glitter that I haven’t worn in years. Those all got tossed. I had seven tubes of the Victoria’s Secret Beauty Rush lip gloss that I know that there’s no way that even I purchased. Half of them had to have been free. Also four of them were the same color. I had three pots of non-existent gloss that you have to use your finger to put on. I hate those. Gone.
I have to admit that part of the reason I did this is to make room for a new friend: The J Crew Poppy King lipstick. I finally ordered it last night. I first heard of this through one of my fav blogs MODG. I didn’t even know it was still available, but it is! And it’s on sale on the J Crew site! And since I will do anything in my power to look like a J Crew model short of actually buying any of the clothes (mainly because I can’t afford it and would like to stay married), my $13 purchase was enough to make me feel a little more stylish. So I need to make room. I couldn’t have Poppy slumming in with ten year-old tubes of Wet N Wild.
So after the lips, I moved onto the eye drawer. I pretty much wear some version of a bronzey cream shadow every day, so when I found seven different kinds of purple, I was beyond confused. I probably wake up and decide to throw on a violet lid maybe one day a year. I heard one time that purple was a good color for brown eyes so I clearly purchased all of plum toned shadows that CVS had to offer. I got rid of a few that didn’t have caps and again, anything that I remembered having in middle school.
The top part was where the Great Bronzer Explosion struck the hardest. That shit was EVERYWHERE. That will go down as one of the greatest mysteries in my bathroom, and I live with a boy. There wasn’t much left in there after I threw out green concealer from Woolworth’s (which clearly doesn’t exist anymore), a few pairs of old fake eyelashes (that I planned on reusing?! ick) and multiple used makeup sponges. Seriously- how did this become my life?
I felt a lot better afterwards, and was actually kind of inspired discovering that I had all these colors (of purple, at least). Now I’m determined to not only keep my makeup area clean but to actually use these things and mix it up a little bit more.
But there’s one issue here: my everyday makeup. I can’t quit what I think is a good thing. Even though I have thousands of magazine clippings on new and exciting trends in cosmetics, even though I could spend hours on Pinterest discovering techniques I didn’t know existed, even though my bff/hair dresser/prom date is an amazing make up artist, I just have the hardest time getting out of a makeup rut. The number one reason is that I’m lazy and sleep in as much as possible, and putting on makeup requires not only getting up a few minutes early but also opening your eyes, which is difficult for me in the AM. Half the time I put my makeup on in the car when I get to work if I have a few minutes to spare. Don’t judge me, I don’t have mirrors in my bathroom. There’s more natural light out there. However after Steve recently cleaned my relatively new car and discovered how much makeup residue was on my passenger door from me opening it after I’ve freshly applied every morning, I’ve started to be a little more aware and made myself promise I would put my makeup on at home, and then wash my hands. Only instead I’m still sleeping as late as possible and have just started carrying eye makeup remover wipes in my purse that I swipe my fingers with before I touch anything in the car. That’s called adapting.
The other thing is that I have this weird tendency to keep all of my fancy expensive makeup in it’s original packaging. Don’t worry, numerous people have affirmed me that this is weird, and adds way more time to your routine when you’re spending precious seconds getting your blush and and out of it’s tiny box. I’m a visual person and also crazy, and to me the packaging is part of what makes makeup expensive. If you buy a tube of Revlon lip stick at Walmart and it doesn’t come in a box, that means that thirty people could have opened it, tried it, smelled it, and whatever else people do when they think no one is watching.
This bag is comprised of the following items that I wear everyday/have been wearing for the past two years:
-Clinique Perfectly Real Makeup Foundation in Shade 02
-Diorskin Nude Skin Perfecting Hydrating Concealer in 002 Beige (guys- for serious, this concealer is, as my coworker would say, the bomb.com. But it costs $30, and it’s worth every penny. I never would have bought anything that is .33 fluid ounces for that much if I hadn’t tried it in Sephora after crying out for help because I was physically unable to find a concealer that hid all my undereye baggage. This stuff works. They are not paying me to say that, but if they wanted to, I would accept concealer as a form of currency. Also it’s probably the only thing from Dior I will ever own. In my life.)
-Clinique Stay-Matte Sheer Pressed Powder in 01 Stay Buff
-Clinique Almost Bronzer SPF 15 in 01 Light/Medium (okay, how a powder that you put on like, 1/3 of your face can have SPF in it is beyond me)
-Clinique Blushing Blush in 108 Cupid
-Clinique Lid Smoothie Antioxidant 8-Hour Eye Colour in 04 Gingerly (seriously, I wear this under everything. And it does last a really long time)
-Clinique Colour Surge Eye Shadow Trio (I have no idea which color I’m using because this is one of the few things I’ve gotten as a free gift that I can’t live without, and it doesn’t actually exist for purchase anywhere. However, all of the colors are available separately, so that’s what I’ve resorted to buying, hence the following…)
-Clinique Colour Surge Eye Shadow Duo in 103 Buttered Bronze (this I bought only to use the dark color for my crease. $14 well spent.)
-Sally Hansen eyelash curler (oh.em.gee this thing is amazing. I bought it under pressure because there were too many eyelash curlers to choose from and I panicked and just grabbed this, but I’m glad I did because it’s really good.)
-Benefit BAD Gal Lash in Rich Black (I buy it in the mini tube from Sephora because it’s under $10 and the real stuff is like $19. Also I don’t wear mascara everyday so I don’t go through a ton.)
I can’t even tell you how many colors of that lipstick I have that I have never worn, and not one of them was purchased by me. See, part of the reason that they’re “free gifts” is because they’re colors no one wants. However, you do get a choice usually so I always pick the least hideous and think I’m walking away with something exclusive that no one else has figured out.
So I guess I’m a hoarder in another aspect of my life. Wonderful. Do you think there’s any area in which I’m a minimalist? Other than watching the news or cooking?
What products are you so obsessed with you would buy them no matter what they cost? Are you also a slave to the same color scheme everyday, year after year? Are you okay with it? And more importantly, how will my life change with the arrival of Poppy King? So many important questions.